What am I doing wrong?

[livinglife]

I'm a stepmother and am struggling to understand my husbands ex wife.( not for the first time) my stepdaughter is about to reach puberty and I've asked her mother how she would like me to handle it in the event her period arrives with me? I want to follow her guidelines and she refuses to correspond. A bra was included for the first time in her weekend bag the other day but DSD didn't wear it and ive asked if she wants me to enforce it. It 's not a conversation for her father to have I don't believe? What am
I doing wrong? I need to point out I met him two years after the breakdown of his marriage. Surely a consistent message is the best way forward?

HI not sure this will help you but I just wnated to say I dont think you are doing anything wrong, you sound to me like a lovely person who wants the best for her stepdaughter. And like you say a consistent message is important.

I know your intentions are good but I think you need to take a step back if DSD's mother doesn't want you involved. The whole subject of periods and bras is such a touchy one for young girls and there are hormones flying around all over the place (from mother and daughter).

You can't 'enforce' your DSD wearing a bra and you can only trust that her mum and school have explained periods to her and just be there if she needs you.

My daughter's stepmother never asked me about how to deal with any of this, but I think I would have felt as if she was treading on my toes a bit if she had. You sound lovely and you are trying to help but I really think it would be best to back off.

Agree with corlan. I'm sure you mean well but it sounds as if you're trying to organise the situation. If either wish to involve you they will ask. If they don't ask....respect that and be there if they change their mind

Aw that's really nice of you. My dad used to pop out and get me tampons and the like after my parents separated. It was very nice of him and he didn't do it intrusively (there was plenty of information at school for me to know what to do).

You could just quietly pop a packet of towels in her room in case she needs them? Maybe take her shopping for a special bra? Whatever you do, do it gently and quietly, teenage girls are ripe for being mortified at the slightest thing.

I'd just keep some sanitary towels in the bathroom somewhere obvious and leave it to DSD to tell you if she needs help. Her mum may not particularly want to make a plan for what to do beforehand. DSD should have been told what to expect from school.