Do any of you do this with your ex ?

[Seth]

Hi

Brief history. STBX left 3 years ago. I was pregnant at the time and how have 5 year old DD and 2 year old DS. Both have a good relationship with him. I'm happy, kids are happy. We still have yet to divorce but we are separated.

He moved quite a distance away about 18 months ago (south coast - I am in London). I made my feelings on this quite clear as it meant it was difficult to see the DCS but to his credit he comes to the house 3 times a week to help with pick ups and drop offs,but does mean they miss out on weekend activities etc as they are with him on south coast every other weekend.

He now plans to move back to the area (about 2 miles away). He has asked if we can have a more flexible arrangement with the kids. I asked him what he meant. He said that he feels I am quite rigid in my attitude towards contact with them. I would not say I am rigid. I would say that I try wherever possible not to chop and change weekends, or change who is picking up dropping off etc so that they know what they are doing on what day/ weekend.

Now he is moving back I think he may think that we can relax things. Not so he can have them less - I am fortunate that he is very good with them and wants to see them.. but what he means is... having them on his weekends but then also if he wants to do something on my weekend for a few hours or during the week then we can just agree to that.... or maybe suggesting they stay at his new place one night in the week with short notice.

I am not sure this is a good idea, I really promote the kids seeing him and want them to have a good relationship but my gut feeling is that routine is important so that they (particularly our 5 year old DD who questions everything and wants to know what she is doing and when ). Aside from this I work full time and time at the weekends with the 3 of us together is very precious and we have a lovely time.Monday to Friday is rushed and no real quality time so its really only the weekends.

Am I being precious or unreasonable to not feel 100% happy about this ? He will stick to his weekends... I just think he likes the idea of calling me mid week and saying ' Hi there's this thing I'd love to take them to on sat.sun etc (my weekend).

Routines are there for children so they feel secure aren't they ? or am I over thinking this ? Does anyone else have a similar ad hoc arrangement in place that works or doesn't work ?

Thanks!

[izzywizzyisbizzy]

To clarify, flexibility worked with my ex, but not with SCs (well there was flaxibility but it was all one way).