I don't know where to start but today am ready to let it all out and hopefully get some advice.
I dated my ex boyfriend for 5 years off and on. He was abusive emotionally, physically, verbally, etc. I did everything to please him first because I was naive, and then later because i just wanted to stop the fighting and name calling. I got into debt and ruined my credit, lost friends etc. Every time I would break up with him, he would beg and plead and promise to change and if you know the cycle of abuse, he would do so for just a little while and then go back to his old ways.
We have a child together, and he abused me through out the pregnancy and once my child was born. When my son was two weeks old, he almost strangled me to death, and i moved out and lived in a shelter with my son. He managed to get back into my life when my son was 6 months old by convincing me that he wanted to be the father he had never had..... anyway the cycle begun all over again and I finally broke up with him for good a year and a half ago. i moved to a different part of the country and I have not seen him since.
He knows what state I live in, but doesnt know exactly where and neither does he have my phone number. I wish I could just forget about him, but thats not possible because we have a child together.
He emails constantly saying he wants to see his son and be in his life. He also threatens that if I ever date someone else he will kill the both of us. He has promised to kill me several times.
I call him from a private number and let him talk to his son every once in a while because i dont want him to get angry and show up at my door step one day and kill us. Every time I talk to him though he begs me to get back with him when I refuse, he starts blaming me and calling me names despite everything I did for him. I paid all the bills while he sat home and watched video games. He has a criminal history and is depressed and possibly has bipolar disorder although he claims its not true and wont see a doctor or seek help.
I have gone to a women's group for abused women and have a good job and can care for my son now that I am done with school (i was in college the whole time this was happening) but I live in fear everyday and feel like I can not move on with my life. Its so frustrating that I do everything for my child and has never bought even a diaper but he has no trouble yelling at me and feeling entitled to seeing his child whenever, and expecting me to apologize for "stealing" his child and that I should pay for the trip for him to see his child.
Has anyone been in the same situation? what have you done?
PS. I called the police a few times that he hit mebut he would threaten me or tell me to drop the charges and he would leave me alone and so thats not an option. I have spoken to lawyers as well but I dont feel like they are giving me any real solutions. I am just so worried that this is how its always going to be.
Sorry this was so long