1st Christmas as a single mum....

[mama2moo]

Should I still buy for ex inlaws?? I know exdp wont and I thought maybe just a token gift from the girls would be nice.

Also, not sure what to do about exdp. Do you get your ex's a present from the children?

One more thing, what is reasonable extra visits over Christmas? I was thinking an hour in the morning when they open their presents and then we will be off all day at my brothers.

I would put money on him not even having a Christmas tree this year. So yeah, I think that goes for me having the girls!!

I dont think he would even argue with me over it until his Mum is back for Christmas next. I am going to stick to him coming over for an hour in the morning and thats it.

I think I will stick to photos for his family probably including him as well. Dd1 is having her first school photo taken next week and Im going to keep it a secret ready for Christmas!!

I always felt that thee dcs should be with me ta Christmas come what may as exdp isn't that bothered . However, an adult friend of mine said that she hates Christmas to this day because she as a child she always spent Christmas with her mum and felt guilty about not spending alternate Christmases with here dad.

We now alternate for that reason. This is my year without them and I will try to do something different as I will miss them.

Zookeeper.

What a great attitude.

When I first split from my ex I always thought we'd end up alternating Christmas but she's just been too flakey to make it a realistic option. It's good for me as I love Christmas day with my DCs but it's not how I saw it working out.

My kids are always with me - the first year XP came to ours and spent the day there (I'd invited him to stay over on Christmas Eve but he had a petty strop and went home) and I would have willingly continued that, but he moved away and doesn't see them now. He hated Christmas anyway - hated the presents and the noise and the excitement and the mess. He usually slept through present opening and went off on his own at some point having "had enough".

Their home is with me and so they spend Christmas with me - since he's moved we now go and stay with my parents and sister, and my maternal grandparents come for the day.

I don't buy him a gift from them, but their school does those Christmas cards made from a drawing the child does, so they each send him one of those. His family aren't involved, except FIL who I get a special card for because he is still very involved in their lives and a great support to me.

Thanks Querty; that made me feel quite pathetically tearful. I try desperately to do what I hope is best for them and,.like many of us I'm sure, am plagued with worry that I'm somehow failing them/doing the wrong thing.

Sympathy zookeeper - I feel the same. I also do alternate Christmases because I think it is the "right" thing to do & I really, really, really hate Christmas without the DCs. I've done 4 without them now & it doesn't get any easier - well for me anyway.

Thats interesting zookeeper. I hadnt actually thought about how the children will feel. I think when they are old enough to fully understand it will be their choice anyway.

Its weird for me because my parents have been married for 40 years! This is all new to me!

I had never looked at it like that but children do have an innate sense of fairness. Even my mercenary little buggers accept quite happily that they will be spending Christmas with their err, rather frugal father because they see it as his "turn"

Photo of dc in frame - it is the thought that counts and the thought is don't put yourself in the photo

I was wondering the same question. My exh and I split up on January he tole me he was leaving between Christmas and New Year, he moved out middle of January the day after my DD As exams.

I am not going to buy for my EXILs, but I will be buying a pressie for his Grandmother as she is a really lovely person. I wont be buying pressies for his brother, will buy for nephew and niece as they are my God children, may get a token pressie for ex SIL. If children want to buy their father a pressie thats upto them, they are old enough to make their own minds up (youngest is 14).

I doubt any of his family will get cards/presents as I organised everything and he has now lost his job.

I have tried to talk to ExH about Christmas but he just says he has made no decisions, story of my life, he was very non commital about everything.

It's my first Christmas single too! Initially we decided he'd see her boxing day but I wudnt mind giving him an hour in the evening as long as she stayed at his (his family get a bit too jolly)!!

Mine too. MIL told me the day before the split (she knew it was coming, I didn't) that we would all be spending xmas day with friends of hers. We always alternated between families due to the distances involved. She was fully expecting everyone to fall in line with her decision.

In the aftermath I arranged xmas for me and DD with an aunt she normally doesn't get to see. XH agreed reluctantly but as he had told me that he'd never loved me the guilt worked in my favour.

Like everyone else I did all the presents and cards so his family will be lucky if they get anything. I will help DD get him and GPs a small present but I don't expect to get anything myself.

Next year he will have her for xmas which I am dreading.

I always had my DC for christmas for first 5 years of splitting. He had no tree so no way! Last few years we have done alternate. He has a gf so they have a tree now! I feel its only fair but hate xmas without them, last year i was preparing veg with bucks fizz and tears! This year is my year so we will go all out, i can't wait!!

I would rather have them every year but fairness even though ge's an arse means i feel i should let him have his turn.

I no longer buy for any of his family, his job now.
I have always let dc buy for him and now his gf too. Last year he gave me a list for the gf which i ignored and we went to poundland but he never takes them to buy for me or my dp, in fact mothers day they even come home empty handed, so this year he is getting fuck all unless they do it off their own back.

You get a wish list for the gf and get nothing in return? What a charming couple

I know!! Hence the i am not bothering this year. Did the same with fathers day and was annoyed!

That's awful diet :(

My DH sees his DS for about three hours Xmas morning, then at some point in December DSS (now 14yo) assesses which Xmas dinner menu is to his liking and goes there fir xmasdinner, before we used to discuss with his mum what we were doing, so it usually ended up alternative yrs. DSS then stays over at ours Xmas day night through to Boxing Day, we've never had Xmas eve as mum asked us not too and even though we have an awesome relationship, DH was always ok with this so long as we got half of Xmas day.

We always take him shopping for his mum for Xmas too and she returns the same for my DH. (Same for birthdays, mothers and Father's Day etc, although I did have a cry this year when he popped in with his mum with a Mother's Day card and present for me this year as we've never pushed that, his mum wanted me to know she appreciates all I do for him :) )

Only thing DH ever put foot down on was she wanted all the presents from DH family at hers in the early days, so it was one Xmas, DH said no, each side does their own. I think this is because DH has big generous family and hers is smaller. But this is the 11th year of them not being together so were pretty much sorted.

This year will be my third xmas as a single parent and I came at it having been a child of divorced parents myself, and having been a step mum for 9 years. I wanted it to be fair to both parents (despite who is wrong or right, or doesn't have a tree - ex didn't have a tree first year, his choice) and I wanted DS to have xmas day memories of both parents. I used to see my dad boxing day and remember feeling bad that he didn't ever see us on xmas day. I had also seen ex be refused contact with his older sons over xmas some years, even on the actual day itself at the last minute and it didn't jut upset him it upset my ds, me, any other relatives who were looking forward to seeing them such as their little cousins.

My DS goes to his dads at 4pm on xmas day and comes home sometime during the day on boxing day. We both get to see him xmas day, he gets to open presents in both houses and we are all happy with the arrangement.

My xmas day stress is usually from my own family rather than the ex!

Hi bored, I have to say my DH loves the Xmas day evening, we get in pjs, watch films we've all had, play games and devour selection boxes, it's just a really chilled bit of Xmas where we have fun :) my DSS mum also loves the evening as she says she gets a bit of her time with her DH after the madness of the day and they chill and drink lots of wine :) seems a win win, I haven't cone across many others that do this, so nice it works for others too :)