Does the pain ever go away when handing over children to x? HATE IT!

[whiskmeaway]

Please talk to me if you feel the same way as I do - I know there are people out there happy to have breaks from their children, but I'm not one of them - I love being with them.

Am I the only one who HATES handing the children over to the x? I feel really lost, lonely, depressed etc when they are not around. He only gets a little contact fortnightly at the moment but am beating myself up regularly knowing this will have to increase! I just can't bear the thought.

I do try and keep myself busy but it doesn't seem to help. If I go shopping etc, I'm really miserable and hate looking round. If I go out with friends, I am really miserable and end up crying although I try my hardest to be cheerful!!

I really hate being without them. They are 3 and 1 - will it get easier as they get older?

I'm not even sure it's about handing them over to him - they don't stay with anyone for more than a couple of hours at a time. I know it's healthy to have a break and they need that too, but I just want to be with them, especially while they are so young - I enjoy every moment with them and it tears me apart when I know I have to let them go away for a longer period of time than I want them to go.

Will the pain ease? Or does it get worse (especially like I said when I know that hours have to turn into days, days into weeks etc?) I'm so sad!!!! :( :( :( :( :( :(

Hi Whiskmeaway

I know exactly how you feel - I love being with my children and it hurts to think that once a fortnight we cant do family things together - especially with summer coming along

however I try to spend the time as fully as I can.
Spring clean the house
Arrange a girls night out - you know exactly when you're free so can give people notice to get babysitters.
Take up a new hobby that you can indulge when kids are away

yes it hurts, yes you miss them
MAYBE you feel guilty for looking forward to a little ME time - DONT

people tell me time is a great healer - only been 4 months for me
how long have you been separated?

oh whiskmeaway.

the kids are going away with their dad in easter and I am dreading it, I cannot function, i cry i go in their bedrooms and smell their pillows. I hate it soooooooooo much.

The only thing that makes ot bearable is that daddy takes them on fab holidays that I cannot afford to take them on, and he loves them dearly, and as i never knew my real dad, i know how important that relationship is.

My sympathies try and be strong sending you big hugs

It definitely gets easier. Hated it when my daughter was 2 and 3. But since then it's been so much easier... yes the house feels a bit emptier but I now see that time as my time to be free from all responsibilities. I always make sure I go out, go shopping do all the things that are tricky when she's around. You will learn to love it I promise!

Oh Poor you Whiskmeaway. I know exactly how you feel. My husband left me in January and since then has done all he can to get to see our daughter every day. I guess in a way this is comendable. At the moment he picks her up from school 2 evenings a week and then has her overnight one night at the weekend. Even during the week I find that I just sit waiting for them to come home and the overnight stay at the weekend is terrible. I go out, get drunk. lose purse, have a weep. Basically I am a disaster. I am facing him taking her away for a week in May.

I am sorry I don't have any solutions. I just wanted you to know that I empathise fully with you. Perhaps and hopefully as Bluejelly says things will get better with time. I suspect that they will. At least I can tell that my daughter wants to go, perhaps as they get older you will be able to see that they look forward to their time with their Dad.

Thanks everyone.

Wish I could say the same about x really loving his children! Does it out of duty and principle more than anything just to "p" me off! Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I knew he was genuinely a good father and wanted to be with them!

Truly believe they are better off without him (too many problems after his visits to mention!), but as I have never had a dad present in my life -I know how much I longed for this perfect dad and dreamed most days of finding him and having a good relationship with him etc, so I suppose I have to give them at least a chance of that. But what is worse - one you have never known or one you start building up a relationship with and who walks away for a second time? Which I believe he will do given time - once the novelty has worn off! :(

i know its a cliche hon, but better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all

best wishes

Dear whiskmeaway
I totally sympathize with you, I have been seperated from ds's dad for 8 yrs.
I still miss them terribly when their away and its only every second weekend they go and stay, and every Wednesday for 4 hrs to have dinner.
What made it easier at the beginning was my close friend, I stayed at her house most of the time when they were away.Now my dp fills my void.

All you can do is busy your self, be happy in the knowledge that they're having a good time and that no matter what they will always always love you.
Thinking of you. Take care.