Single mum,csa advise

[Xnic]

Hi, basically I had a sex with an old friend I'd not seen for years and fell pregnant. The dad said he would support me initially throughout pregnancy and then backtracked when he found a new gf, but assured me he'd be there one baby was born. He saw ds (now 1) for 6 months sporadically. Only two or three hours every 3 weeks with no contact in between. This led to a row in which I said ds needed him more than this and he said he had been trapped by me and never wanted to be a dad. I then haven't heard from him for 6 months. He deleted me off fb, won't reply to my texts and doesn't answer his phone when I call. Tbf I've only tried to call in the last two months as it was ds birthday. He does pay me £30 pw which is a help to me. When I look at ds it breaks my heart that he doesn't have a dad, nor any family from that side and I hate the thought that one day I'll have to tell him :( I've recently done a fb stalk (I know I shouldn't!) of his gf and found that they've set a date to get married and then just been on a fancy holiday. I really know I shouldn't but can't help feeling so bitter about this! My poor son being denied infuriates me. I don't know whether to call the csa, as one I'm worried about being able to manage if he just stops paying and two I just want to piss him off and somehow make him remember his son. I know I need to get over the anger and it's not jealousy as I don't have any feelings for him, I just hate my son missing out while he lives a happy life. Sorry for the massive rant!!

It's sad, but I don't think that going to the CSA is likely to make your ex into a better dad.

Time might, the new girlfriend might, or as your DS gets older he might find it easier to be a dad. Or he might remain crap. But for now, I wouldn't go via CSA unless you think that you'd get significantly more than the £30 he's already paying you.

I'd be surprised if it worked out that you were due much more than £30pw from CSA, but you can check here:

www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp

If you can avoid using the CSA I would, they tend to make life more difficult rather than better, they're a last chance saloon for those who are not getting any thing. And they certainly won't force your ex to man up and be a Dad, nothing can unfortunately.

As someone who has been through a similar situation my advice would be to save the CSA until you really need them.

If you start action now he will think you're being bitter and jealous (and I totally understand why this actually might be the case!). Every conversation and action will revolve around you and "his" money rather than your son.
He's moved on and while this is painful I think perhaps he may see the both of you as an entity at the moment. Hopefully when your son is older and independent they can have a different relationship.
Best thing you can do is get back out and find a nice bloke who loves you and your child. If it helps most women have a new partner within 6 years and the median average is 2 years.