frustrated and need to rant so I don't shout and make things worse.

[sillymillyb]

Ds is 6mo, his dad was a friend I had a fling with. We keep having ups and downs, but its generally amicable.

He hasn't paid this months maintenance and I've asked and asked and asked.... he is currently in Thailand bastard on an all inclusive 5* holiday.

I feel utterly resentful, that Im struggling to buy baby milk (I had to borrow money off my mum) when he is living the high life.

I need to ask yet again without shouting, so that I don't rock the boat. I have already explained my financial situation and how essential his input is. I don't know how else to ask for this frigging money, or make him realise how tight things are.

I desperatly don't want to feel resentful / jealous / angry / frustrated (all the things I am) and Im desperate not to cause a fuss in case he stops visiting or paying altogether.

Any advice on how to just suck it up?! I need to go do rl stuff now but will be back, hopefully calmer.

I just want to cry :(

Why do you have to suck it up? You have every right to feel angry and resentful.

You didn't make your son on your own - fling or not, your son's father has a responsibility to support his child. If he is not willing to pay support consistently, you should approach the CSA to collect the money on your son's behalf.

If he decides not to see his child because he doesn't want to pay support then he is worthless as a father - no child deserves a father like that.

Your son is only 6 months old - you have another 17 years of this ahead. Are you going to spend the next 17 years trying not to rock the boat every time he decides that his holiday is more important than his son?

I've never had a CENT from my children's father and it is very hard not to be resentful. VERY hard. I don't know what the answer is. I know I sometimes get grouchy because I feel angry at him.

Agree with corlan 100%

This is hard ,I have been a lone parent for 9 years and have had many negotiations with their Father.Do you have a legal agreement ?if not get one ,I tried the other way for years and got nothing.Eventually when it was legally agreed it took a lot of the pressure off.
Try not to feel too bad,your baby is so small,my kids are a lot older and I can see what lovely kids 'I' have reared and there is a feeling off pride in that.

Ah thank you all, I have just put ds to bed and had a bit of a cry.

Im trying to suck it up, because ds dad lives in Republic of Ireland so no legal come back. The only tool in my arsenal is being nice and appealing to his better nature. I feel like I have to absorb a lot of what Im feeling, put on a smile and pretend all is well and that it doesn't bother me. All the while crapping myself about the costs of bringing up our son!

It hurts as well, that as a friend he could treat us like that. There was no bad break up so no vendetta or malice. His priorities are just, well, fucked.

Im frustrated with myself for getting upset over something out of my control too. I hate feeling this way!

Irish, eh? Ring his mum...

Ha! That made me laugh - its oh so true.... I suspect she would be having words.

He has just sent me a message saying some extra costs cropped up last month and he will transfer the money tonight fingers crossed

I am trying not to imagine that the extra costs are hotels, flights and lovely meals....

It makes me feel like a shitty person for begrudging him a holiday :S

Do you know what ,,,, there IS legal come back but you might have to sink some cash into it.

There is a reciprocal enforcement of maintenance orders act and Ireland and Britain co-operate fully over this. The bit that they've no control over it seems is whether the fathers comply with or defy the court order. Penalties for defying a court order to pay maintenance seem to be, eh,,,, nope, none really. BUT some people do fear the law and the courts so is he a fairly law-abiding sort of person?

I'm in Ireland! would you like me to ring him and say I'm from the REMO dept on molesworth street.

Hehe, so between his mammy and LizLemon pretending to be from REMO I basically have his balls and should stop worrying?!?

Ah I feel better, thank you all.

I think a cry, a rant and some practical tips to fall back on should the money not be forthcoming (Im still not holding my breath) has really helped.

Oh for a lottery win so Im not relying so heavily on his input

Did he go to Ireland to avoid being legally obliged to pay maintenance?

ps, do you have his address in Ireland ? I don't mean tell me it! i just mean, do you know it? and do you know the address of his workplace?

I think he ran away to be honest. He is from Dublin but never really wanted to go back there. We used to work for the same company in the Uk, and they offered him a position there just as I became pregnant - it was a way to bury his head in the sand I suspect.

I know when our old boss found out he was the dad of my child he offered him a position back in london, but he turned it down. He has a girlfriend in Dublin now though so I guess other ties.

God life is complicated isn't it?

I have his parents address, and could find out the address of his company as we used to work for same place.

Thing is, I don't think there is any malice in his behaviour - just complete naivity as to how me and ds live - he has only met him 3 times, and has no idea about how much growing, eating and pooing babies do.

Its hard to make him realise, I wish he could come and live my life just for 48 hours.

so by living in another country, you will not get much support with the childcare. that is what caused the most resentment for me. I couldn't get out there and get on with life, get a job that would turn a profit! meet somebody new....... that has become nearly worse than the no money.

I think you have hit the nail on the head there. I feel like I've put my life on hold and he is living it up on his posh holiday while Im begging him for money and am knackered cos Im up all night.

How old is your DC Liz? Is your ex in Ireland too?