my kids step mother .... what would you do?

[colditz]

I rang her today, concerned about a post she.made on her facebook account. She's not on my facebook, but some of my friends know her, and told me they are worried.

She had to get a crisis loan yesterday, to feed her baby. My ex walked out of his job and didn't find one or sign on for two weeks.

She loves her baby, who is my sons half sister, but she's panicking about how to feed her on a budget. She's relied on jars because she.can't cook, she's.very young, and my ex is being the same shit he was when I has ds1.

I've written her a really basic recipe book for the baby, all with things.she can pick up from Iceland. I feel so sorry for her, she is a young girl who is very sweet and very honest, and not incredibly clever, and my ex is a duplicitous little bastard.nearly 20 years older than her, who isn't helping her. She hasn't got the knowledge or experience to deal with his lies. I've told her she can come to me, but who wants to go to their partner's ex for help? I'm thinking of asking one of.my friends to befriend her. What would you do?

Would she be receptive to you popping in? Or is the general situation hostile? (which, given the description of your ex sounds likely) How well do you know her?

I actually don't know her that well, and I don't want to go into my exes house. I might see if shed like a coffee though. She was ridiculously grateful when I offered her a recipe booklet of "things ds2 ate at that age", which is actually nothing special, just basic 9 month old baby fare.

No advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say thats the nicest thing I've heard all day.

colditz I want to give you for being ridiculously lovely. I think if your friends wouldn't mind befriending her then great but there is no reason you can't be friends with her yourself. I am assuming your children are in contact with her so it wouldn't be too odd to be in contact yourself.

Can't put flowers cos I'm on my phone, but you deserve them. What a lovely person you sound. Do keep looking out for the poor girl, I think you're just what she needs.

That is so sweet of you. Do they still do fruit and veg vouchers for mothers on low income? Im sure a friend of mine claimed them but that about 7 years ago.

They do still do vouchers but she's not eligible. I'm going to ring her again in a few days to arrang to give her this notebook, so will ask her a few questions.

definitely befriend her if she welcomes it, I'd say she's family in the sense that your children are siblings. She's basically another victim of your ex's f-wittery so very few will be able to support her as well as you... Bless you for wanting to. FWIW I would feel the same, and worry that it wouldn't be welcome, but I think worry shouldn't put you off. If she finds it odd she'll let you know. From what you've said about her being grateful though, I think she sounds like she's more than a little happy to have someone in her corner. And with the situation as it stands, if she's not saying no, I'd go ahead and do some hand-holding (even just a regular text or two) to let her know that she's not completely alone. Poor thing :(

for you from me too

I've come back to this. No doubt your knobber of an ex and she will break up eventually. How lovely would it be to think that you two will have your own friendly relationship. Your children who are siblings could also maybe have an extra 'Aunty'. Still think you're lovely.

ahh you've made me cry. ... that as so kind...

Colditz, if we had the emoticon, surely you would deserve it! How very kind of you to do this.

And your ex is a grade 1 shit, as I'm sure you know. that he could leave this poor girl in such a state with a baby. :(

Awwww Colditz, you are lovely.

This is the nicest thing I've read all day.
for you.

Have you heard anything more?

I meant

for you. You know, flowers.

I'm going to ask her to come for a coffee with me on Friday. I shall ring her tonight. I've done her a little list of good weaning meals, things like potato and carrot mash, cheesy vegetables etc. Which I'm going to hand to her

How lovely of you!

That is really lovely of you

What was the question?

Oh yes. Continue to offer practical help - just as you have been doing.

(Be cautious of not getting sucked in to any emotional drama from your ex)

Yeah, that's why I won't go to the house.

That's good. Neutral territory, or your place.

At 9 months the baby can eat normal family foods but I'm wondering what the parents eat if the mother can't cook. Have you thought of suggesting baby led weaning so she can give food to the baby that she might eat?

Well, most of what I've suggested is finger food such as tuna pasta, and I've jogged the recipe to make enough for a baby and an adult.

I'm meeting her for coffee tomorrow so will discuss.

Good luck with everything.