DS's initial contact with father. Advice please?

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

I don't want to go into the backstory but would appreciate some advice aboutDS getting to know his father and extended family.

DS is 3. He met his father for the first time this summer in a very informal park visit. I was there with DD and friend and he brought his wife and DC. They were introduced as friends. There was very little interaction. We just seemed to occupy the same space iyswim.

Now we are discussing the next meeting. There is some distance between us so it's never going to be a weekly thing.

He is asking to take DS out alone to get to know him more. My gut reaction is that it's too soon for that. However, it would probably be classed as hostile on my part if I said this.

I would like to suggest a local sealife centre as a meeting place. It has a coffee shop in the centre and most of the tanks surround this. I would be happy to sit with a cuppa and let DS go with his dad to look at the fish.

I feel this is a good compromise as DS is shy and he would be able to return to me if he needed too.

Is this a fair suggestion? Am I being precious over this?

Does your DS know that this man is his father?

I would say it might be best if your ex is on his own, no family in tow. Maybe with you in the background at first

No not yet.

That is something that I'm also fretting about.

I am going to explain before he next visit and introduce him as dad. But I don't think my DS will fully grasp this tbh. Just want him to be used to seeing him as that.

No not yet.

That is something that I'm also fretting about.

I am going to explain before he next visit and introduce him as dad. But I don't think my DS will fully grasp this tbh. Just want him to be used to seeing him as that.

Stupid phone!

Yes, I think I need to be in the background. But this suggestion won't go down well I think.

Tell your ex it's preferable to a contact centre! And it's only for first few meetings, for your sons sake. If he hasn't got his best interests at heart then it's a non starter.

I know. But in a contact centre I would be leaving him alone wouldn't I?

Honestly, I want them to build up to the point of seeing each other without me. I really would rather not be there but for my sons sake I think the first few meetings should include me at least in the background.

I don't see that you being in the background should be a problem.

If your ex has a problem with this, advise him that, to all intents and purposes he is a stranger to your son at present, and there's no way that you would allow a stranger to spend timie with your son alone IYSWIM.

As BlackberryIce says, if he hasn'g got his best interest at heart.......

I know it seems reasonable on paper. Just worried it will cause problems.

It's taken 3 years to get to the point of meeting in the first place. It all feels very fragile.

I'll think of a few options and then let them pick. At least they may feel involved that way.