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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Worried about contact

3 replies

sickofthisshit · 16/09/2012 18:33

Regular that's namechanged for this one.

Ex has had DC for weekend and DD1 has just announced that ex's flat is a total tip. DD1 is 7 and has tendency to exaggerate so I asked her where she'd heard the word tip and what she meant by flat being a tip. She told me she'd heard her Granny tell her Dad before that his flat was a tip and to get it cleaned up. She went on to say that her Dad had cleaned it up and that her and DD2 had helped him but it was a tip again. I then asked her how it was a tip and she told me that there is dirty washing all over kitchen floor, lots of rubbish bags in the kitchen, creepy crawlies (what she described sounded like silverfish! ) under that bath where the side is broken and lots of cans and newspapers in livingroom. She also said that Daddy had told them not to go in his bedroom as it is a pigstye.

To be fair to DD1 I don't think she is exaggerating and it must worry her for her to be thinking about it so much that she would come home and say to me about it. I asked her if she had mentioned anything to her Dad about it and she told me she'd told him it was a tip and he'd told her not to be so cheeky and then asked her not to mention it to me as he's going to fix it this week.

I'm concerned about the lack of cleanliness of the flat. I don't know if I should try to go to visit and see for myself what state it is in and then if it's as bad as DD1 described what to do about contact. I know that if I nag him if will clean it up but unless I keep on at him he won't keep it tidy but as his ex I don't think it is my place to be nagging him about keeping his own flat tidy.

OP posts:
NoToastWithoutKnickers · 16/09/2012 18:53

I'd be more concerned about the cleanliness than how tidy it is tbh. Does he cook for them? (I'd be wondering about kitchen hygeine). Do they stay overnight and if so, what's their bedroom like?

As his ex, no it's not your place to be nagging him to tidy, but as your DC's mum I'd say you're allowed to be concerned that they are safe and that their health isn't being put at risk (if, indeed, it is).

What's your relationship like with him?

sickofthisshit · 16/09/2012 19:15

His contact is always at the weekend so they either stay with him or he takes them to his Mum's for the weekend. DD1 said that there room at his house is tidy as he makes them tidy it. He cooks for them when they are at his so I am worried about the kitchen and lots of rubbish bags. My relationship with him is okish. If I tell him what DD has said he'll try brush it off and say he'll tidy up before he next has them but going by his tract record it won't be kept tidy for long.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/09/2012 07:53

Tidiness is not the be all & end all!!! Sounds like he has his mum there to nag him him in any case so I wouldn't worry!

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