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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

am i being unreasonable?

12 replies

makeminearose · 15/09/2012 10:55

To consider changing the locks on the family home? Xp and i split a short while ago now but he still pays mortgage atm while we sort finances out, he kept his keys to the house so that when he saw the dc 9 &10 it was not awkward in any way and we try to be civil for the dc sake... how ever i am feeling now when he lets himself in the house like its an invasion of privacy...am i having a mad moment if i consider changing the locks?so i can have the privacy? Would that be illegal as its still "our house" and he pays the mortgage ... Any help or advice? i have tried to explain to xp the way i feel and he just craps all over my feelings as he did when we were together saying if i had the keys back he would stop paying the mortgage... can i do anything legally?im waiting for court date to sort all this out but can i do anything about it now?

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 15/09/2012 11:02

I had a very similar situation, but I was paying the mortgage and ExH was letting himself into the house when he came for DD. I very calmly asked him that in future I would be grateful if he rang the doorbell as now he had moved out and had his own home which I did not have keys to I would feel more comfortable with this. If he is unhelpful in this fitting an internal bolt for added security was the option that my Dad suggested as a family court JP with 25 years experience.
The transfer of title deed is going through currently then I will ask for his keys and the set of keys his mother has back.

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 11:02

Maybe you could add a few bolts inside,as last night, you thought you heard something outside didn't you?? So add extra security to prevent people just walking in

Or lose your keys necessitating a lick change and forget to get spares cut! And keep 'forgetting'

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 11:02

*lock

HairyToothbrush · 15/09/2012 11:13

Leave your key in the lock, on the inside, so when he puts his key in, from the outside, he won't be able to open it? If that makes sense? I used to do this when DP's parents used to let themselves in.

RedHelenB · 15/09/2012 13:45

Legally no.

Camelsshouldnteatcrisps · 15/09/2012 21:15

Does he just let himself in when he has arranged to meet DD or at other times too?

I agree, I think the bolts on the inside are a good idea. I have just had bolts put on the door, not to keep ex-p out but just for the added security now that the evenings are darker early.

lizzieoak · 15/09/2012 22:04

My ex had keys too. To avoid paying for changing the locks my auntie tricked him into "lending" her his keys which she promptly handed over to me. It is not okay to keep keys to a place your ex now lives, imo.

FannyBazaar · 15/09/2012 22:11

You need to buy him out. He owns the house jointly with you so he has the right of entry. Does he still have possessions there?

thedogsrolex · 15/09/2012 22:37

I dont know what you can do but I know what you mean. When I split with my ex he moved out, the plan being that as soon as I could get council accom for myself and ds, he would move back into the house as I couldn't afford the mortgage and it was too small for ds and I anyway being a starter home . I found out years later that ex and his new gf were coming into the house while I was at work, cooking themselves something, having a bath etc. I was not happy!

froggies · 15/09/2012 22:45

When ex and I split, we owned two houses between us, next door to each other. We each had both sets of keys.

a couple of months after we split, I went to watch DS in a concert, locking the door to the house I lived in. Shortly after I had left, he went into 'my' house, using his key, with the DD's to 'walk the dog' (coming from the man who would get in the van to do 200yrds up the road)- who I had just walked. I found this out a week later, from DD's. He didn't ask, he didn't let me know afterwards, he had no belongings left in the house, DD's had taken all necessary clothes etc. for an overnight stay, so he had no reason to be in there, other than because he could.

I changed the locks. A couple of days later it appeared as the someone had tried to get in through the front door when. Had been out for a morning (it is a really tight fit, so if you turn the handle it clicks, and you have to pull it hard to close it properly). And he had changed the padlock on the garage attached to the house I lived in. He refused to give me a copy of the garage key until he had taken all of his things out of it, something that took him a further 7 months and a couple of sessions of having him shout at me when asked when it would be done.

We have been separated now for 19 months, we have signed the transfer of deeds, but it isn't completed yet and last week I actually got the key to one of the sheds that will be mine after he finally shifted yet more of his stuff out of it.

Legally, if he has his name on the deeds he should be allowed entrance. You need to buy him out ASAP. In the meantime, as my WA support worker suggested... Loose our keys, ask him to knock on the door, not just let himself in, and he should be none the wiser.

froggies · 15/09/2012 22:45

When ex and I split, we owned two houses between us, next door to each other. We each had both sets of keys.

a couple of months after we split, I went to watch DS in a concert, locking the door to the house I lived in. Shortly after I had left, he went into 'my' house, using his key, with the DD's to 'walk the dog' (coming from the man who would get in the van to do 200yrds up the road)- who I had just walked. I found this out a week later, from DD's. He didn't ask, he didn't let me know afterwards, he had no belongings left in the house, DD's had taken all necessary clothes etc. for an overnight stay, so he had no reason to be in there, other than because he could.

I changed the locks. A couple of days later it appeared as the someone had tried to get in through the front door when. Had been out for a morning (it is a really tight fit, so if you turn the handle it clicks, and you have to pull it hard to close it properly). And he had changed the padlock on the garage attached to the house I lived in. He refused to give me a copy of the garage key until he had taken all of his things out of it, something that took him a further 7 months and a couple of sessions of having him shout at me when asked when it would be done.

We have been separated now for 19 months, we have signed the transfer of deeds, but it isn't completed yet and last week I actually got the key to one of the sheds that will be mine after he finally shifted yet more of his stuff out of it.

Legally, if he has his name on the deeds he should be allowed entrance. You need to buy him out ASAP. In the meantime, as my WA support worker suggested... Loose our keys, ask him to knock on the door, not just let himself in, and he should be none the wiser.

froggies · 15/09/2012 22:46

Sorry, broadband dropped out after I hit the post button, didn't realise it had already sent, and pressed it again Confused

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