Contact with ex

[Wilkoa]

I'm hoping for a bit of advice about arranging contact for DS to see Exh. Exh left me when 40 weeks pregnant for OW (a friend of mine). DS is now 2. When I first found out about OW, Exh didn't see DS for 3 months until I contacted him to ask if he wanted to see him again. Exh has seen DS every other Saturday for a few hours at first, and in the last year its been 10-5. No overnight stays.

Exh has never asked for more, makes it quite clear that every fortnight is all he wants (he has a DS from previous relationship and she stays with her mum every other weekend) so he gets a child free weekend. He has gone a few lengthy times not seeing DS this year - once as OW birthday fell on a contact weekend and more recently he went on a 2 week holiday so didn't see DS for 4 weeks.

I work full time in a demanding job - the plan was to reduce my hours when I was with exh but now as I'm single and had to leave my old job to move back to near my parents, I haven't been able to reduce my hours. Time with DS is precious. I see him for about 20 mins on a morning, 1 hour on a night each night during the week - not the most quality time either! So I am feeling against the idea of sending him off for a whole weekend every fortnight as in reality it would mean 12 days until I get some quality time with him.

Is anyone else in this situation? I don't know what to do for the best. If exh behaved like he was that bothered then I might feel more willing but it seems like he just goes through the motions and seems happy with the current situation.

Thanks for reading - sorry its long!

I'm not quite sure what your question is? You don't want your ex to have more contact; you don't think your ex wants to have more contact?

I'm with KF with a face. Who has suggested a full weekend every fortnight if it isn't you and it isn't your ex?

ex only gets quality time every 12 days too and no contact in between...

not sure what you are asking.

does ex want more time orr aer you trying to follow the usual pattern just for the sake of it?

Sorry if my post wasn't clear. I'd don't want to move to ex having DS for a whole weekend every other weekend as I don't get to spend much quality time with him as it is.
So far exh has displayed little interest in having DS for overnights, when we spoke about it, he said he would like to, then in the next breath, said he wouldn't be seeing DS for 4 weeks as he was going on holiday. He hasn't pushed me on it at all.

Or are you saying that ex has asked to move to overnights, but your justification for not wanting to consider it is because he doesn't seem 'bothered' enough?

Lots of people feel that children under two shouldn't be away overnight from their primary caregiver. I'm not one of them, but perhaps your ex is, so hasn't asked until he feels your DS can cope?

In any case, you wouldn't go straight to whole weekends from none at all, so if/when it comes up again, why not suggest a 'trial run' say Fri night with Sat lunch return, to see how DS copes? Then you could build to a whole day, return Sat eve. Then you'd still have a full weekend day of quality time, plus the whole other weekend.

Don't dismiss the importance of the weekday time, either - feeding, bathing, playing with a child and going through the bedtime routine every day is quality time in my book.