How do you work out maintenance when it's this complicated?

[theredhen]

Dp has 4 kids. Two live with us 125 ish nights per year. One lives with us full time and won't have overnights with her mum but does see her on our insistence. The other dc doesn't see us at all at the moment.

Dp been paying over CSA rates on a voluntary basis for 6 years for all four kids and loads of extras. Things changed with regards to two other kids a few months back.

He has spoken to his ex about amending CSA payments now that we have a child full time. We also have my ds living with us full time which we know can be taken into account by CSA but we've never stopped anything for his ex because of it (I get no maintenance but work full time to support him for last 10 yrs).

Sensible suggestion seems to be to "disregard" the two kids who live with each patent and don't see the other rather than dp pays some and his ex pays some. Dp then pays CSA rates or above for other two.

Dp ex doesn't want to do this however. Dp has spoken to CSA who don't seem to have a definitive answer of what is the right way to deal with it!

Anyone else have any experience of this?

Your DP's suggestion does seem the best, unless his ex's income is significantly lower than his is? Is she likely to pay regular maintenance for the child living with you?

I suppose the clearest way (ie, you can see the path the money's taking iyswim) to do it would be for your DP to pay CSA rates for the three that live with the mother and the mother pay CSA rates for the one that lives with you. Seems awfully convoluted though.

His ex has suggested paying us £5 a week while dp carries on paying about 50 times that to her!

In that case, I think your DP should put in a CSA claim for the DC living with you, & adjust the payment to her to the amount CSA would calculate for the DCs living with her. She may well go to the CSA as well - but if she won't be reasonable then it's your only option.
Do it quick before they introduce charges!

What you suggest sounds fair but unfortunately I think your DP's ex is right legally about how it should work. Each parent is supposed to pay the other for the DCs that live with them - based on their own income. So if the ex isn't working she pays £5 for DSC that lives with you and your DP pays for the 3 that live with her. As the CSA calculate the same rate for 3 DCs as for 4 the amount he should pay won't change.

On the other hand you could offer her a choice of whatever you think is actually fair and what the CSA would calculate (which will include a reduction for your DS )

I did actually manage to speak to CSA myself and you are right purple.

The only difference is that she has to pay more than £5 as she should be paying 15 percent of her tax credits which I estimate means she's under paying at least £15 per week.

Dp doesn't want to "stir her up" for this extra amount and I can see where he's coming from because then we will get even more requests from the kids for things they "need" and he will just end up making up the difference anyway.

It's just something else I am supposed to live with all the while I'm working everyday to support my son, whilst dp enables her to not work and support her kids.

All the while I have more washing, more bills, more driving, more cooking, more shopping, more hassle than her while she "lunches" with her mummy friends and gloats about it.

And now I feel responsible financially, practically and emotionally for her daughter who she can't even phone or do any driving for.