when do you just give up on contact?

[planomum]

My ex left us when DS was 3; sporadic contact for 6 months and then nothing for over a year until I got a solicitors letter threatening court if I did not agree the contact he wanted which he never followed up on (figured later that he was only doing this to impress then new girlfriend and now wife); we have since left the country but without fail send to ex our contact details if or when we move, and birthday christmas and fathers day cards from DS to him; he pays 10 pounds per week child support from the Uk court order and that was hard won. He has some arrears that he makes no effort to pay, makes no effort to even acknowledge the cards and claims to have no way of contacting his son - I have had no contact for years but his wife wrote when they took a little payment holiday last year when she promised to pay the arrears and to send photos etc. Of course that never happened.

DS has now announced that he wants to stop sending cards etc as he says (now aged 10 and with aspergers so sees all things in a pretty black and white manner) that is is simply ridiculous to keep doing it with no response.

I now have some options:

Do nothing and just stop sending
Call him (or his wife to whom he seems to have handed over all arrangements for child support) and tell him it is going to stop and why - ie his son has made a choice
Chase him for the arrears
Seek a more realistic child support order in the US where we live now

I am wavering between feeling that I should seek a child support order and get some proper financial input from him and wanting some acknowledgement for DS from his father or just giving up on it all as a waste of time and energy and a distraction from what is now for us a very happy life in the US.

It sounds to me like your ex has already given up on contact. He clearly takes no interest in his son. Your DS makes a good point and you are not doing him a disservice by agreeing to his request. You can still provide your ex with your contact details should they change again, the ball is in his court then (although I suspect he will not bother to give it a kick).

aww shame that your son sounds more responsible than his dad. I chased or put up with contact when it suited the ex on and off for 12 years before I said he couldn't see him. Only if Ds went to him (which he never has). Do still send xmas cards only xmas cards though. Wish I had done it years before and saved us the heartache and stress.

I think at 10 your son has the right to make up his own mind and stop sending cards.