Being a single parent is not so bad....

[crackcrackcrak]

I have been sitting in my kitchen for an hour, reading mn and eating a meal only of Brie. The shopping is still on the counter, bags still packed. I can only hear the clock tick. Dd is fast asleep upstairs. This would never ever have happened with exp!

God Im glad I read this thread today - I have my mum telling me how hard it will be on my own and she knows its tough etc. Im making a mistake by walking away from my "perfect" marriage, Ill lose everything etc etc

I love the thought of getting up in the morning and saying come on kids where we going today, or watching tv in bed till 12 if I want to, to not washing up dirty plates and not giving a shit, to nobody running their finger over the door frame and pointing out the dust, but then i feel guilty at taking the kids away from their dad especially at the mo when he seems to be home all the time and they are all clingy to him

I love what AlmostaGoldHipster has said the i love... i love... i love.... paragraph
I agree with everything you said!!
It seemed almost like you were talking about my old life.
After getting away from the emotional abuse i endured.... life is so different now its just me and ds.
I cant ever envisage sharing my life with another male. Good thread

It's great being able to decorate the house the way I want. Eat what I want and enjoy life. Music festival next week and I can see the bands I want to see. The Dcs relaxed. Even better you get a few weeks to yourself in school holidays!

Strangely, even after extreme EA from exp I'm not even slightly man hating (though I can well imagine that's what he tells people). Seeing how some of my friends partners are firstly helped me accept that exp behaviour wasn't normal and was totally unacceptable and secondly that there are lots of men out there who love their family focused lives and these men are not rare or exceptional either. The more time I spent with other couples the more I lost patience ex horrendous behaviour and the more resolute I became that this wasnt fair on the dd's - expecting them to live like this either.
I have felt so much stronger as a parent since I've been on my own and have much more faith in my instinct and convictions too. I will never without good (and serious welfare) reason take my girls away from their Dad but on the same theme I will not tolerate him messing up their lives either. I hope things improve over the years but for now I am happy to accept that for things to pan out well for them that I will be doing the donkey work alone - I'm over it - it's more important to me that it happens than whether I should be fruitlessly cracking the whip with exp. my dd's will always know I would rather be with them doing things for them than be anywhere else.

Cantfinda - I'm about to have dd2 a I get people telling me all the time how hard it will be - so helpful! Are they expecting me to tolerate exp violent aggressive behaviour just because it will be easier? Plus it wont. I went through a huge anxiety period a while back about dd2 and not coping until I realised I was basing my expectations on how needlessly stressful exp made it when dd1 was born

CrackCrackCrak, I'm the same, so not a man-hater, I never thought my x was an embassador for men. He represented himself alone. But the whole time I was with him my friends' husbands were all decent men.

People haven't a clue tbh. It's easier on your own when you've come from that shit. You'll be fine. I feel sorry for the women out there (we don't knnow who they are) who are desperately trying to pretend to the world and to themselves that living with an abusive/controlling man is less of an 'evil' than being a single mother.

I have been to Nandos for lunch! I would never have done that before - there would have been to much moaning about what I had spent there was always beer money though table for 2 just me and my toddler.

The older boys don't have to be in bed at 7pm on the dot and now stay up until 9pm. We even have kids programmes on downstairs

They have friends round! And go out and play!

We have what we want for tea. And we call it tea without being shouted at to call it dinner. Sometimes we even have chips from the chippy or a pizza.

Their are toys downstairs although ex came found the other day and started throwing the toys around cause he didn't like them in the living room and got reminded it wasn't his living room any more! Ha

I go out when I want too and don't have to explain where I'm going. Or I stay home and do nothing and don't have to justify myself to anyone.

I've bought myself some thortons chocs and recorded old doctor who repeats for tonight!! No comments about me getting fat!

And there was me thinking I couldn't survive alone!

I'm pregnant with dc4, it's nice to be pregnant and not walk on egg shells constantly.

Just come back from taking dd to nursery. Totally exhausted. House is silent so i can rest and do things in my own time