I've had enough

[Iade5772]

I'm 20. Single mum of a 10 month old. About to start uni in September. And I'm feeling like I just want to escape. Start a new life. Leave everything behind. I am extremely stressed and bitter. Frustrated and angry constantly. Angry that my sons dad is a loser who doesnt help or care and who gets to enjoy his life still even tho we made h together. I'm jealous of my friends who are having a great time right now acting like 20 year olds. I'm always dwelling on the past , I'm not content with my life and I refuse to believe this is it. I never have me time , I still live with my mum but she would never watch my son for me to relax or have some me time. I feel like I'm about to explode. I often feel anger towards my son sometimes I feel like i can't love him. I'm too caught up in the past and the negative things that I'm not enjoying motherhood at all and often wishing I never met his dad and prevented this pregnancy. Has anybody felt like this ? I dont know how to overcome it , I don't know what to think. I feel like a bad person all I want is a frikkin breaaKkk!

I think you should sit your Mum down and tell her how you feel about life at the moment. Ask her what she can do to help you.

Personally, I'd ask the same of ds' Dad, too. You have nothing to lose.

Things WILL get better. When you start at uni, you'll be surrounded by people your own age, and you'll be doing something you really want to do. Focus on that - its only a few weeks away.

It will get easier. Babies are not babies for long so try and enjoy the small things. Are there any parents groups about? I have a few friends that do babysitting rotas. So we all get a break once a month. Is there anything like that you could do. Me time is so important.

You poor thing, what you feel is totally understandable. I remember when my dd was about that age standing at the top of the stairs and just WAILING that I couldn't cope any more. It is VERY difficult particularly in your circumstances so please try and be kind to yourself.

However saying all that you definately need to get a break, do you think your mum is punishing you for having a baby? However subconsciously?

Can you find someone to take care of the baby for a short while, let you go for a walk or to the flicks or THE PUB with old friends? We all deserve and need some time away and it's mean of your mum not to enable you to have a weekly night off.

blue2 is right, things will get better, but you need a plan for the here and now as you do sound at breaking point. How about this . . .

1. Have a good vent on here, shout, scream, tell us all about ds, his crappy dad, everything that really pisses you off.

1. Ring the HV tell her how you feel. Can she recommend any other mums your age in the area?

1. Tell your mum, she MUST remember how suffocating it can feel to have a tiny baby. Is she generally nice and just being a bit useless or fundamentally a bit crap?

1. Talk to your baby's fathers family - any chance his parents can take the baby for a bit of time, even if the father is too useless to help?

1. Put a calendar up and count down the days until Uni starts.

Where do you live OP? Iam a 20 year old, mother of two

@blue2 I want to tell her how I feel but I just think she will think I'm over exaggerating or just making up how I feel. She won do anything. And yes ive been looking forward to starting uni soooo much but recently I've kinda just chixkened out and I'm not completely looking forward to it anymore bcos It's going to be tough! waking up @5 get my son ready get myself ready run to his nursery to drop him off run to catch a train and get to uni for a full on day , I just hope I can keep on top of it.

@ClaudiaSchiffer. Hiya yes I do belive she is pusininshing me. She was really hurt when she found out I was Preggers obviously now she adores her grandson and she does help me out but when it comes to me having fun or time off, it's a no no. My hv is always tellin me to go to parent club things but I don't like going because discrimination is real! I always get treated differently because I'm a young mummy. And my sons dads mum ( so my sons other grandma) trys to help sometimes but she wont let him sleep over there because she says he's too young so he will b too difficult.

@wicketter hiya yh I'm trying to enjoy anything I can. In sure there are parent groups about but I don't want to join any because I am always treated differently wherever I go because I'm a young mum and I look younger than 20. Its very patronising!

@milkymocha I live in south east london, wbu?

It's not always so bad , like right now I'm ok im content and I feel bad for how I was feeling earlier. It just comes at wierd times. When I first gave birth it was everyday. Den when he was about 3 months I got over it and maybe once every two weeks i'd feel like shit and start hating life. Now like since the past 2 weeks I've web feeling it every other day, something just clicks in my head an everythin becomes negative and I can't take this life

Oh hun. I'm not a lone parent but I had my DS at 23 and I felt young so can imagine how you feel about that.

Just to say I admire you..... Even with my DH helping out I find it impossible sometimes to cope with DS (now 3) - just this morning the three of us (DS, DH and me) had a big screaming match and I threatened to leave and never come back cos I can't cope.... And a lot of the time I can't!! We don't have any family nearby and very few friends who can babysit for us so I know how it feels to feel constantly tied to your DC.
BUT we also have loads of great times together too and you have to remember those and treasure them.

If you feel your mum won't look after your DC for you, why not try to find a restaurant or shopping centre that has a crèche service? Then you know DS is safe and you can have a bit of quality time with friends. Don't worry about the mum and baby groups, I'm sure they're not that bad and there are probably loads of people there who would be able and willing to help you out. Are there not any groups specifically for 'young mums'? The one near me is for mums up to 25 so it may be worth looking in to.

Hope I've helped a bit and reassured you that what you are feeling is normal. {{hugs}} wishing you all the best.

@ProPerformer hiya, yes you have reassured me. Hopefully with time things will get better & I focus more on the good times. Thanks

:smile: Things will get better, you'll have off days occasionally but... Get out there, show people what a great mum you are and don't be afraid to ask others for help. X

Lade* iam in East London so not very far at all

Have a chat with your HV and maybe your GP about how you are feeling. Maybe your HV at least could have a word with your mum and explain to her that it is actually vital for you to have some leisure time every week. Because it is.

Are you going to a London University? If so, which one and which course?

@solidgoldbrass That's a good idea thanks. I think I will get her to do that

@slug greenwich university.