I find myself in a rather awkward position. I have an ex who is pregnant with my only child, a healthy little boy, and she had decided about 20 weeks in that she didnt want to be a mother anymore and being pregnant was just too much effort. Although i find that most women will at some point feel very low and perhaps regret decisions made, but in her case it was a decision made out of spite and a as a way of maintaining the support i give her on a daily basis. She wanted the baby as a method of getting her own house, as she has been in secure housing provided by the government for many years. I cant believe how bad my judgement of her character was as she has bi-polar disorder and is taking medication for it, something she always neglected to tell me, she has two cases coming up in court for burglary, criminal damage, perverting the course of justice and purgery.
We had lengthy conversations about how she feels and after three weeks we prepared an idea of what we wanted to do and presented it to her social worker, child protection services, our family mid-wife and a mid-wife allocated to us by social services. So I have decided to become a single father to our little man, (I asked her to outline what sort of visitation she wanted, and she requested 6 hours a week over three days) but am facing problems at every junction. Social services, in their infinite wisdom, have decided I am of questionable character because I used to be a photographer and they have gleened this from looking at my facebook of all things. I have various work on there, from weddings, children and families, events, products ..... well you get the idea. But because they have seen a semi-nude woman they have decided Im unable to be a decent father. They also feel that because she wont talk to them and im a very open person, Im bullying her into the decision, which has only been made because of her shallow, insensitive, self-absorbed and ignorant behaviour patterns put me in this position in the first place. She is still self harming too, in a very mild cosmetic fashion, but only when I wont see her for an evening. We've been split up since february but if i say i want time to myself, or that i want to see my friends, she invents some health emergency whichi invariably submit to and end up giving her the attention she wants.
My family wont talk to me anymore, everyone seems to be trying to impress upon me that she would be a far better parent even if she has criminal charges, of which i have none at all, pending court cases, extensive behavioural problems and the motivation of a sloth. Granted a father cannot be both parents effectively, argueably, but I have various qualities and standards which make me someone who can at bare minimum offer consistancy, reliability, unflinching devotion and an abundance of patience.
Im frustrated that the offical health people who are following the case are making no attempt to talk to me directly and even get an idea of who I am based on person experience. I cry daily and am finding it hard to motivate myself through a mild depression, I'm trying to be the best thing that could ever happen to him and salvage some normality from this situation but I have to argue my point without being given the chance to express my self. Im so stuck and I dont know what to do, aside from fight for my right to save him from a life of social services involvement, bad parenting and an uncertain future.
Currently Im preparing myself and my flat for the arrival of my little man, stocking up on consumables, trying not to buy everything that looks cute and lasts two seconds and reading as much as I can - This is such a wonderful site to refer to - and hope that I get the results I want. I dont know what to do to help myself and my little man and any helpful words of recommendations would be so warmly recieved.
Thank you for reading!