Lying to ds about his dad

[whethergirl]

Had a chat with ds aged 7 today who brought up the subject of his dad, it happens now and again. Ex has had no contact with myself and ds for about 4.5 years now.

DS was very upset & crying about not having a dad.

It is absolutely heart breaking to see ds like this. I have always tried my best to give him age appropriate answers to his questions, as close to the truth as possible. Sometimes they are a little vague. I have never said a bad word about his dad (and I have plenty), other than something like, not all dads find it easy being a dad.

DS begs me to try and contact him and I've told him that I don't have any idea how to get hold of him, but that he can try again when he is older. The thing is, I probably could contact him if I wanted to. But what would be the point? Even if ex found the idea a novelty enough to agree to speak or see ds, I know that long term it will only cause ds even more heartbreak and possibly issues that could influence the rest of his life. Better to have no father than a shit one, surely?

But I do feel bad about lying to him, and it's so so so hard when I see ds big brown eyes fill up with tears, wishing he could just speak to his father, and asking if, instead of a present, could Santa make this wish come true? I feel terrible for it.

I'm also wondering if at any point, when ds is older, and realises I could have made contact with his dad, will he feel betrayed?

I tried to get some help regarding this situation and I must say I'm feeling quite disappointed!
First I called Gingerbread, who went through their list of contacts, and there seemed to only be one organisation that was relevant, Family Action. The website looks brilliant, all about improving life within families blah blah blah. Rang them up, spoke to someone who sounded like she been bored stiff for about 10 years, and told me to ring CAB! I said, what has CAB got to do with it, they can't offer that kind of advice. She then gave me another number for Family Action that deals with this kind of thing more (why didn't she just give me that in the first place?).

I rang them, did talk to a nice lady but she said that normally they would ask me to speak to my GP who would then refer me to one of their advisors, but unfortunately they don't work with my particluar GP practice! She said she would bring it up in the next meeting (2 wks) to see if there was anyway around it.

I'm just a bit really, England is busting with charities, in many cases several charities doing the same kind of work. Yet I am struggling to find one that can help me. I would have thought this kind of thing happens a lot and I can't be the only parent needing support?