How many times can I try?

[WoopityWooWoo]

I am separated from my DH and he has not had contact with our DD who is 4 since April. DD has started really getting upset about his absence and silence. It has become so heartbreaking that I text him asking him to arrange seeing her. He didn't respond. So this evening, I tried him at 8pm, 9pm and 10pm. Each time it rung out until an automated response said there is no answer and to try again. At 10.30 he text "hope all is okay?". What??? He can't even telephone?! Say's it all really. So anyway, I rang him straight back and the same thing happened again...just rang out until I got the same automated message. Then I received a text from him, "Sorry I can't talk on phone now, it will be unfair waking up my flat mate. Text will be fine or we can postpone it until next time if not urgent". I just asked him to call me when it is convenient.

Sorry for venting. Am just so upset for DD. I feel like I have to try on her behalf. Or am I flogging a dead horse??

Sorry but he sounds like he just doesn't give a shit.....

And unfortunately no1 can make him interested in his DD

I understand how hurtful it is tho as my xh walked out on our 2 boys when they were 4 and 6

I agree with mrstomhardy.

Same situ here with 4 year old dd, can't force ex to have a relationship. He knows where you are if he wants to make contact.

Like you op I tried for months but for my own sanity had to give up. It's heartbreaking listening to dd, but I just make her feel as safe and secure as possible. She's 5 now, has her own little life, school, friends and activities and all associations with him are starting to fade, unfortunately.

You're probably flogging a dead horse. It's worth trying for a while but when it gets to the stage where he's messing you around them IME it's better for your sanity to walk away.

It is difficult but as other people say, you can't force him to care.

It is not the right thing for a parent to disapear but if they decide to do so there is hardly anything that you can do. Eventually, your child will care so much for her dad as she currently cares for one of your very distant relatives. (not much I am afraid) but it is important that you don't make up for the father failings, if he has never been super dad don't build an image of a super dad in the distance for her (ie. Everytime Ds said he would have liked us to be married I kindly explained to him, with words he could understand, that we were not so good for each other. OR don't tell her "dad had something very important to do so he is so very sorry he cannot see you/ talk to you" when dad doesn't act up to what is expected, it is better to say "i don't know why dad is not here but would you like to go to the park? Or anything that can distract her.

My ex neglected his relationship with his child for several years and now acts bewildered that DS doesn't jump to the opportunity of ringing him or skype him as dad wants. To be honest, ds has not had an "acting" father for so long, he doesn't miss him anymore or is interested on having much contact with him. He has become a stranger abd unless the ex gets his act together I doubt very much things would improve in the future.

How sad for your dd.

Is she able to have any kind of relationship with her paternal grandparents and that side of the family?