Could I ask for advice? I no longer trust my instincts.

[slightlymentalmum2one]

This may be a bit long but if I tried to shorten it I'd be sure to leave facts out. I'm 29 and have been in 2 long term relationships before the 1st was with my dd (7)'s dad we were together for 8 months and saw each other every weekend either at mine or at he's where I spent time with he's parents and siblings. He did all the chasing and said all the right things but turned out he had a fiancee and kids.

Second ended 3 years ago and we'd been together for a year he became involved with dd after 6 months, met each others friends and family and it ended when I discovered he was seeing someone else for almost the entire relationship who'd also met he's friends and family. Dd was devastated.

So now you can see why I don't trust myself I'll explain my current dilemma. 2 weeks ago a guy I've known for 5 years told me he really likes me and has done for all that time but has never had the chance or courage to tell me. I know him through he's dad and step mum and see him 5 or 6 times a year and when I see him we get on really well and talk for about 4 or 5 hours straight and occasionally go out for dinner as friends either with he's dad or my dd. Until the other weekend I had no idea he saw me as anything but a friend.

So apart from being my friends son and 6 years younger than me the week before he told me he liked me he's dad made a pass at me and got knocked back so at first I was dubious thinking it was some form of point scoring between father and son but the son text me a couple of times since asking me out. I said I'd get back to him when I got back off holiday, which I did today but now I'm confused on how to act.

If you've read this far well done and thank you. Any advice is welcome its just a relif to get it off my chest

where was step mum when the dad was trying it on?

does the son live with them?

The step mum was away for the weekend but she and the dad have split but are still living together (knew I'd miss some important point) and its not unusual for me to meet up with either one of them since the split.

The son lives with he's mum.

its a flag if you think father and son are capable of the point scoring you mentioned, but its not a fact, so, giving him the benefit of the doubt, why not meet him and see how you get on.
if it goes well, see him again.

take it very slowly though, he wont just be a boyfriend, but a potential father figure...if you rush (into sex) its so much harder to extract yourself...

Thanks lowercase that was my initial reaction then started second guessing myself. I've avoided dating for years thanks to my dire taste in men but I need to start somewhere I suppose

I'm not surprised you don't trust your own judgement. I think that a long break from men/relationships is a good idea. It recalibrates your radar. That may not be the answer you want but it has worked for me. I trust my own judgement again now.

The father and son cabaret sounds like a mess to be avoided at all costs.

Agree with Olympia. Better leave the pair alone. If Dad makes pases at you even when he knows you know he has a partner says a lot about how he perceives you. The son is considerable younger than you, how is he going to be a good father figure when at this age he would be far from wanting to settle down?

As Olympia says, you need to recalibrate your radar and some time on your own may help you to get an idea of what you want and need from the man you will be with.

OP has had a 3 year break from relationships.

6 years age gap isnt much, how old are you both slightly?
my brother was an excellent father and step father at 24.

the dad making a pass says a lot about him, and nothing about the OP.

oh, and stop meeting up with the dad, he obviously has motives.

Olympia I have had a 3 and a half year gap between relationships. Which has been through choice rather than lack of opportunity but I feel I'm ready to try again if that makes sence

Athendof I think making a pass at me say's more about my friend than me to be honest, but your right about meeting up with him. I see where your coming from about the age difference, being a father figure and wanting to settle down. Most young men arnt ready to although there are some like lowercase's brother that are and do a fantastic job.

I guess I hadn't thought this through very well, I was just thinking about having something for me for once. Stupid I know just so you don't think I'm completely feckless I wanted to say that I do like the son and pre dd he's someone I would have been friends with but not dated as he's almost the opposite personality wise than guys I'm normally interested in.

Thanks for replying it really helps me to speak about this and get some in biased opinions.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong but please don't allow Dad to get on with that behaviour. I agree that the action says mote about him than you though: it says that he is a direspectful jerk who is getting tge wrong end of the stick.

I agree that some parents could be great at 23 (my father was one of them) but it is not only about age, ie. if he is still very much enjoying going out with friends at night, he may not feel very happy to stay in due to lack of babysitting, having said that... You don't need to be 23 to resent that.