Should I move DD to different class

[Lonecatwithkitten]

ExH left in July after we had been to relate, but he refused to end his 'friendship' with OW - relate was his idea! The OW is another mother in DD's class and she appears to be having a relationship with ExH and her husband and they both know about each other.
DD at the end of last term was on the receiving end of some spiteful behaviour from the other child and also over the summer while they all have sleepovers when DD is with ExH.
I have kept in contact with school over the holidays and had meeting with the head last week. School would not normally have 'siblings' in the same class and have offered to move DD to the other class. But this mean moving her away from the one friend she confides in. So do I move her away from the spiteful behaviour and the reminder that her life has been turned upside down or keep her with her friend - she has friends in the other class, but had not confided in them.
Has anyone been through this before?

Oh gosh, I am not sure how you manage having OW coming to the same school every day. I have said if my exh moved back to the same town and area I would move away as I would hate having to see OW in this situation all the time. I am sorry if I am not much help. I hope the school continue to give you support.

Sadly I can't move as my business is very location specific so whilst it would be lovely it's in practical.

omg.

Way too early for 'sleepovers'. You must have had to grit your teeth to send her over to the OW's house knowing that your husband only left in July!!! that is last month right?

I think you can try too hard and lose sight of what you need to do to stay sane yourself.

Your xh must have balls the size of coconuts to have an affair with the mother of child in your dd's class. I am speechless. That is called shitting on your own doorstep, and to expect your daughter to 'catch up' and go over to 'their' house for a sleepover, well! I'm sure you can't catch up, never mind your daughter.

I don't see why you should move. I would hold your head up so high it breaks. The shame is all theirs. Carry on as normal. Don't skulk around. I think changing your daughter to another school might solve some problems and create others. If anybody should move it's the OW, although this is not her child's fault but the child must be confused and awkward too.

This guy sounds like an utter shithead tbh. Men cheat, and it's an old story, but with the mother of your daughter's classmate........ it beggar's belief seriously. You poor thing. XX

ps, oh I see you mean just move class. Yes I think a fresh start in a new class but the old school would be a good idea. Your poor daughter, my heart is breaking for her here and I have two kids of my own who have an arse for a father! But this takes the biscuit. You will get through this. Going up the school must be torture though. It won't be you they're gossiping about (if they are though) it'll be your x and the OW and their nerve and lack of sensitivity.

I'm sure the school are left slack-jawed as well.

Yes Olympia he left 1st July 2012 and sleepovers start 4th July 2012.

I have grappled with this dilemma a lot over the last few days and the chance to chat with DD came up last night. She would love to be in a different class, but ultimately her need to stay with her friend is greater than her desire to move.
School quite rightly say that any move has to be with parents consent as currently no child has done any wrong. OW would never let her DD be moved. They are totally different children DD is a rule follower who works hard and is academic other child is a rule breaker who does not achieve, but I would say it is more due to lack of application rather than lack of ability. OW was my friend so I am aware of quite a lot of school parent interaction over child in past.
I say currently done wrong as DD was with ExH over weekend and she has returned with a bruise and abrasions on her arm which she admits the other child did by pinching her. There is also a bruise on her neck and one on her back which she refuses to discuss. She says that Daddy and OW do not believe that other child is hurting her!!!!

So School may yet have a reason to move other child as they are very tough on all bullying and the excluded a child for physical violence last year.

I would suggest you take photos of all bruises, and start to keep a diary. I would also request seeing a doctor or nurse at your local surgery to get this injuries independently witnessed.
You may want to talk to your solicitor about what you can do to protect your daughter. I would also inform the school.
Your ex seems to be failing to safeguard the well being of your daughter.

The other woman was your friend?

{{ margaritas }} I know it's only ten to one, but ffs. You poor thing.

No to the 'sleepovers' from now on. This is not a blended family here. He walked out on you last month last month and is expecting two little girls, one confused and awkward and one hurt and humiliated to be able to sublimate all of this and maintain a friendship!!!!!! overnight!? my own daughter is much older and can only do playdates for 3 hours tops.

Do your x's parents live anywhere near (ish). I would say that your dd can go and see him at his parents house, and even if that is harder for him to arrange, tough shit buddy, don't let him make that your problem.... DON'T let him cast you in the role of the awkward one. He must see his daughter in an environment where he can give her some attention, look after her needs, and not disorientate, hurt and upset her.

He must have a screw loose thinking he can go off with your friend (ha some friend) and his daughter's classmate's mother - and that you will just all fall in around him. This arrangment is ACHINGLY painful for everybody but him. Can he show his face up at the school? If he can, if he has the nerve then I wonder if he is really 'all there' in an emotional sense.

Honestly your x sounds like he has NO comprehension of human sensitivity.

School know everything and were the first one's to express concern about the girls interaction. I am the only adult talking to school and OW and H have a history of not backing school up anyway. I have passed on my concerns about the bruises to school. I would like school to make some observations and then report their independent views to the other adults involved.
I do want to protect DD, but also she is desperate to maintain her relationship with her Daddy in all of this. DD refused to let me photograph the bruises a story in itself I suppose, but I don't want force the issue in case she losses her faith in me
This is all such a horrible mess and ExH just can't see the havoc he is creating by involving the girls in an adult relationship.

I could have wrote this thread.

I empathise entirely with what you are going through ((hugs))

I do not think you should move your child on the basis that she is now in the same class as OW's child. She has stability, friends and you need to rise about what your ex has done and continue to provide the stable environment for your child. Rise above it. You have done nothing wrong, and neither you or your daughter should have to make changes to your life. Its so hard but you dont want to make this a bigger deal in your daughters life than it is already. A move away from friends, would just make it harder for her to adjust.

The bullying should be dealt with in the same way as it would be should it be any other child (as opposed to OW's daughter). As someone else has noted, record all the events, and deal with them with your ex in a factual way.

Walk into the playground every day with your head held high, your ex is an inconsiderate twat, friends like that you can do without and I have no doubt there is something much better out there for you :)