Partners walked out. I am pregnant with 3 children under 5

[maciemoo]

So I'm 10weeks pregnant and partner walked out last night. I think he left me for someone he works with but I'm not sure. He hasn't been happy for a while, I don't know why. I'm a stay at home mum to three children under 5years of age. My children are hurt, I'm hurt, I don't know how we are going to live or pay rent as I have no money coming in. I have no friends. I'm so lost hurt and alone don't know how I am going to cope :(

No advice (hugs)

So sorry this has happened to you, when you feel up to it I would book an appointment with Cab and find a solicitor that gives free 30 min sessions for advice as to where you stand legally with the house, child maintenance etc in the mean time I would focus on keeping yours and the dc routine going and calling a close friend or family member for support x

Firstly. Do you get child tax credits, child benefit? If not claim them along with income support housing benefit and council tax benefit. These will take a while to come through but if you have no money in the meantime you can apply for a crisis loan.
Right now you don't know how you will cope, but you will and we will be here to hold your hand. It wont be easy but will get easier. You will be hurt but at least you can look forward rather than knowing the person you are with isn't happy.

((((hugs)))

Yes it is a private rented house. My now ex used to work 3 days a week so we got child tax and working tax and some housing benefit. He is the one that drove so we are left without a car and my son starts school monday which is a over a mile away. Complete nightmare. Thank you I will look into income support. I've not long moved to Leeds so have no support. I just feel so lost and heartbroken for my children. God knows how I will cope with four on my own

Turn2Us is a charity helpline that can assess benefits for you and see what you maybe entitled to I found them very helpful and friendly when I used them.

Thank you for your kind words. I will look into cab thanks, hard getting about with three young children in this weather x

If it is private rented there will be a cap to how much they will pay, but if you go onto directgov, and into housing they will be able to tell you how much a month they will pay, as now you will be entitled to full benefits. Its hard being a single mum and i only have one, unfortunately i dont live near leeds or i would have helped, but maybe look at mumsnet local for meet ups in leeds, this will help you make friends and generate a support network and get you out for a while. You might be better off looking at community law centres as well as citizens advice bureau's and contacting your health visitor or midwife as they will be able to put you into contact with various organizations to help them.

Jesus, I really feel for you. My partner has just dumped me but I only have 1 child and a car... You will get there financially so try not to panic. I know how you feel about being isolated. You're not alone though. Just keep reaching out for support like you have here and you will get through this.

my goodness :( you poor thing. I just wondered if you could move this to relationships? You may get more ongoing emotional support so you don't feel so alone. LP board is great but not as much traffic.

sending hugs and strength xxx

I am on my own with lots of small children, 10 months for me since H left. It will be difficult but you will survive and you will manage.

Phone the tax credits people tomorrow, it took them exactly 5 days to sort out my new single person's claim, make sure you have a personal bank account that he does not have access to to pay everything into. I opened a "basic bank account" (look at money saving expert for the easiest ones to open without a credit check), and do an online one so you can pay bills from your home even when your next little one arrives. pay child benefit into your account and download the ridiculous housing benefit form as soon as possible and get it back to the council. You will be eligable for income support I think as your DC are little.

If you can possibly get angry with him and use this to fuel a massive sort out as soon as possible then do it and try to put your feelings to one side for a few days just so you can keep going. You will have to open the pandora's box but if you can get the basics set up it will help a lot.

My first started school exactly 6 days before my 4th was born...so I know it will be tough to get him there...but you will do it...a scooter/a buggy/a buggy board and a back pack carrier were all indispensible and I basically ran the house round her school run (hopefully there will be a park somewhere near and a corner shop so the outs can be used for other things too.

reach out and be willing to accept help. One day you will be able to help others, for now give them the chance to help you.

keep posting/talking. and if you need to stick that pillow in your arms and have a good bawl.

One day you will smile again.

Here's the contact details for the Gingerbread friendship group for Leeds-they will be there for a RL hug

Contact name
Cat

Contact email
[email protected]

Thank you for your replies and advice. These last few days have been so hard. I know I'll move on I just have no idea how to get there. Feeling so lost and hurt and I can see my children hurting too. He hasn't even contacted me to speak to them. Never expected my life to turn out like this, come march I will be a 23 year old single mum to four children under 6. I have applied for benefits an let housing benefit know but it makes me feel like a tramp if I'm honest I really thought we would be a family forever x

I know but you will eventually rebuild your life and it will even be good. I am 1 year on, some things are better, some the same, some worse but overall i can now see that we will be ok, and even better than ok.

unfortunately just like "the bear hunt" there is no way round it...you just have to go through it.

we are here whenever you need....MN is a lifeline, there is always someone up!!

Hi maciemoo I'm so sorry you are facing such heartache with 3 children and only 10 weeks pregnant. Are u ok with morning sickness, you poor thing.

I wondered if you have only just moved to Leeds if you had thought of moving back to your previous home, where all your old friends and supports are, as we all need support from someone to cope well in crisis- your children will sense your pain, so if poss you need friendship/support so you can play with the kids and reassure them you can be there for them- do you think they are worrying they'll lose you too, as you all didnt have warning what was to be?
any luck with gingerbread/local support? wish i could be of more help
((hugs to you and your children))

contact your local surestart centre, they will be able to offer different types of help, support and ideas.

health visitor?

you have to put your hand out and ask for help...keep posting x