On our own again...

[WomanInterrupted]

Hi all... I'm new to this section. Feeling really down. I have a gorgeous 4 year-old DD who is a dream child... However her Dad checked out when she was 1 and now my more recent partner has just finished our relationship so we are back to being on our own. I can't help but feel really sad and lonely. I have no friends or family where I now live (moved here for partner) and as you know it's impossible to get out and meet people. I know I will get through this but I just feel nauseous the whole time and stressed out.

How do you cope?

Why is it impossible to get out and meet people? I'm sure there must be kids groups in the area, can you ask your HV?

I'm on my own with my DS who's 5, and it's hard sometimes to find something to do. I just moved here recently, so all our 'mum and baby' friends are a long way away. Would you be tempted to move back to where you were?

Hope you're feeling better soon.

I work 28 hours a week so week day groups are pretty impossible. I would be tempted to move back to London but I have to balance quality of life for my daughter Vs friendships for me... Plus she is just about to start school from a onsite playschool so its familiar with everyone... The first thing I=she said when I told her we were going to find a new house was 'but I will still be going to playschool wont I?'

I haven't had contact with a HV since my daughter was about 12 weeks old. I wouldnt know where to start.

Not wanting to go off on a tangent here, but do you have a GP? Your DD should have various checks done through her life, usually done through a HV. Does your GP's surgery provide this? Can you ask there if they have any suggestions for you and DD?

In the meantime, your DD will be starting school in two weeks or so, once she does there will be opportunities for you to meet her classmate's parents, arrange play dates etc.

Yes my DD and I have a GP I'm not sure they would have any suggestion for where I could go and meet people in a supportive setting. Im not sure about the rest of the country but my daughter was born in the London Borough of Haringey (Victoria Climbe and Baby P borough) and the Health Visitors there were extremely poor and she didn't have any follow up checks due to their 'workload'. Since moving (when my daughter was 2.5) I have no contact with a HV in Kent but then I hadn't thought that was irregular?

Yes I know things may get easier once she starts school with play dates etc I hope so.

Their 'workload'? That's really bad. No wonder things go wrong. I'd offer to meet up, but I'm at the opposite end of the country. Can you google play groups in your area? Although you'll probably find most of these are only on in the week. Do you have any soft play places near you? Quite a few people who take their kids there are on their own (at the time not necessarily in life). My son is an only child, so he loves going to soft play so he gets to play with others.

Thank you for your suggestions. I think I need to get the house move done and my little one settled and then make a concerted effort to be sociable with school Mums etc... It just all feels so hard. Work is so busy at the moment and I need to move house and deal with the loss of the 'step-family' we had. It wasn't easy being in a step family far far from it but the pressure on me now feels immense.

You need to build a support network that isn't based on a relationship. Where I live theres a Facebook page called parents guide to (insert city) getting cracking onlineuntil you find similar for where you live then start going to everything - especially stuff that involves during around drinking tea and chatting with other mums. It's hard making friends when you have a kid but I think you just have to keep trying.
Look for weekend stuff and try and get involved with school activities when she starts - I know that's hard when you work too.
I know this is v controversial but netmums has a good meet a mum board

Try to be friendly with mums at school, reception time is the best time to start some meaningful friendships for you and DD (difficult to break in when friendship groups are already formed so don't let this opportunity pass).

At the moment you are still going through the motions of the break up and things will feel difficult for some time, but things will get better as soon as you get over the shock. Promise.