"but I don't like Daddy"

[BelleCurve]

Advice on how to handle this please? ExH has contact with DS(3.7) for one afternoon every couple of weeks or so.

He is archetypal Disney dad, only wants DS is he doesn't have any other plans, needs to show him off to someone etc.

Divorce is going pretty amicably, everything agreed and I have been absolutely careful about not saying in front of DS.

I try to keep everything breezy, but ExH has a habit of not keeping promises, turning up late or not at all -this is a hot button for me,which is why he does it - and I struggle with seeing DS get upset.

He is the kind of child who likes to know the plan, "who is picking me up tonight?", "what time is XX coming?" etc so no pulling the wool over his eyes.

The last contact visit there were tears, "i don't like Daddy", "i'm shy", "I will miss you Mummy", and "who will cuddle me when I am with Daddy?"

He is fine with CM, nursery, other relatives etc. He was fine again at drop off but this morning he has started this again.

I don't want to be too reassuring IFYSWIM, as then if DS's Dad does let him down, he will also think I lied to him read that in a parenting book but also I can't make his dad be more affectionate with him tried that before we split up

How do I handle this please?

Bumping - just had an email that he wants to cancel today (due in an hour) because it looks like it might rain.

What about your ex ILs? Are they any good-are you still friends? Cn you get them to chat to him?

Sadly your little boy is going to find out what his dad is really like over the years then he will be of an age to decide whether he wants a relationship with him or not. I know it is going to be heartbreaking for you watching him go through this but if you lie about daddy to try to make up for his failings as a parent then your son will create a fantasy figure of him and also resent you for not letting him learn the truth.
My daughters went througgh this with their father who constantly let them down when he moved to US to remarry. Now they are grown up,well nearly,they undrestand who he really is and have decided to have limited contact with him.

ExH is from Africa, so ILs are not in contact and a long way away!

I don't plan to lie to DS, but you are right it is heartbreaking. How can I manage my emotions/keep it together better for him? apart from venting on here

You learn to say the right things through trial and error
You make up for his failings by being supermum. When he doesnt call,write,send birthday cards,etc etc then you make your child smile by any means you can.
You bury your feelings of hatred for the man you once loved and created this wonderful child with.
You do all this out of instinctive maternal love. My girls used to call me "mother tigress" cos they knew I would be there for them whatever happened.
Good luck x

Jaffa - that made me cry

would there be anyway for your to speak to your ex about your ds feelings?
the only reason i say this is, even though i was much older when my parents split, (13!) my dad still thought that my mum was 'polluting' me to hate my dad, even if hes a dick and i havent seen him through choice in 3 years now!

Oh love :(

If things are going amicably, do you think it might be worth discussing with him what DS is saying? ExP used to be similar (but not so bad) and I told him he needed to get his arse in gear when we split. DS is also similar, likes to know what is going on, what he's doing etc. We now have an arrangement for every weekend, one day, normally Saturday but can change if one of us has plans.

Things I have learnt:

• Never tell DS daddy is coming until you have confirmation he has left and is on his way.
• Tell him how much you love him, and remind him how much fun you have together. Not to set up a competition, but so that he knows he is always loved with you.
• Ask ex to do things that you know DS enjoys doing, and maybe take some photos, so you can show DS and he can tell you all about it / remember how much fun he had.

Great advice SirBoobALot.