DV history. Father suddenly wants court-ruled access. Anyone similar exp.?

[Challen]

The father of my children has out of the blue requested more regular contact with his children. I left due to DV issues three years ago taking my 3 year old and then newborn with me. Although the police were called out to 'domestic disputes' several times and I have been in A&E a few times, he was never charged or taken to the police station.

Does this mean there is no 'record' of these call-outs? Because they would represent the only real 'evidence' I have against unsupervised regular contact.

His initial verbal request to me last week was that I now bring the children 180 miles to him on a Friday evening and collect them again Sunday evening. Every weekend. I don't drive.
He is a hoarder and does not have suitable accommodation. However, his friend is a foster carer and I suspect he would pretend he is his friend's lodger in order to facilitate contact there instead.

He has not spoken or seen the children in 6 months, has done this on a previous occasion last year, and never speaks to them by phone. He visits around 2-3 times a year, but only if I pay for his fuel and accommodate him in my house, or camped in my back garden, where he will still require access to my facilities.

I am only bringing up the DV history, because I know he is not responsible enough to care for both children, one of whom barely knows him as we left when he was 4 weeks old. Both he and his friend are dope smokers, and whilst I have nothing against it (I don't do drugs myself), it isn't appropriate if the children are to be in their care. I mentioned this, and like the DV, he denies all knowledge of it.

I am not working, I don't drive, my 5 year old is at school and my 3 year old is due to start nursery in September. I can't see how I can travel 180 miles or even halfway by public transport, whislt he has a car, and the money, to do so himself.
I don't know where the sudden desire to see his children has sprung from.

I am going to be asking allthis anyway to a police officer shortly and perhaps a DV support worker, but meanwhile I post in the hope someone else has been through similar and can offer some views.

I may be corrected on this but surely the police keep records of every call out, whether someone is arrested or not? You are doing right in talking to a police officer. I recently had the police visit me because my violent ex-h had gone missing. The officer took a bit of history and rolled his eyes that I had never reported the abuse, so it must count for something if you are contemplating refusing access.

When you separated, was there any Court Order giving him a legal right to see the children?

As well as the DV, my ex has mental health problems and I am no longer happy for him to see the children. With your circumstances, I can see why you wouldn't want him to see them.

I saw a solicitor yesterday and my Court Order (Consent Order) details the amount of maintenance he should pay me, other matters but nothing about access to the children.

Therefore, I am within my legal rights to tell him I'm suspending his access to the children for now. I was told he will probably then go to a solicitor, ask for Family Mediation, which I have the right to refuse, and he will be given a form which allows him to take me to court for access. His medical records will be asked for, plus details of involvement with the police. They will also look at the level of his contact over the last few years (it's been very up and down).

On top of that you have the distance issue.

My solicitor said if I get anything vaguely threatening when I tell him I've suspended access until I know what is wrong with him mentally, I should ring the police and apply for a Domestic Violence Protection Order. I don't know if this applies everywhere. If he continues to be threatening, then I could apply for a Restraining Order.

Do not let him in your house again or pay for his fuel.

Sorry for the long reply but it may give you some things to ask the police when you see them.

Good luck.

Do you mean that the foster carer smokes dope!?

I'm sure a judge would laugh his request out of court. A mother of 2 young children, would never be made by a family court to travel that distance each weekend. A judge would tell your ex that he is the one who needs to travel in order to see his children.

You'll have convincing proof of DV with your A&E visits. I'm sure you'll be able to gather enough evidence of his violence. Women only walk out of a relationship with a newborn if they are facing serious issues, a judge will realise this.

Because of his violence and general emotional instability, if you ask for him to only be allowed to see his kids in a Contact Centre, close to where YOU live, this will highly likely be granted.

The law is on your side.

My ex toke me to court for our ds. The police had been called out to us because of dv a few times. He was never done for it as I would not make a statement. He also is a drug user. We went to court he wanted 3 days a week. He said his mum will be there so it's alright. His mums a police women. I went for he gets nothing. Trust me his a wrongon.

The court got ss to come see both of us and make a report. This went on for nearly a year. When we went back to court the ss report had information given to them by the police and it had all the times the police were called out to us. And his 31 chargers for other crimes.

They ruled his not allowed near ds at all.