I'm SO confused! Any help MUCH appreciated re. Money from father of baby.

[Emmiedarling]

I'm currently 8 1/2 months pregnant with my first baby.

The father and I are not in relationship and never have been really. I was delighted to find out I was pregnant (MC last year with my 'proper' ex)

He was shocked but says that he wants to be involved in the childs life and over the last 8 months he has been getting his head round the idea.

We need to talk money though and it's not an easy situation.

1. He is not British (he's from South Africa) and has only been living here for 2 yrs.

1. He does not work as he simply has no need - he is from a very wealthy family and gets a large monthly allowance.

I don't know how these two points will affect any money I will recieve. The only but of information/knowledge I possess on the subject is that it should be 20% of his income. Which I told him, to which he replied that he had no income as he didn't work!!!!

I told him that I think it meant 'allowance' money too! He then said most of his money is in South Africa and that he can't get at it easily.

I don't know where I stand really and feel so confused and don't know what is within my rights to ask for. It feels bad enough asking for money at all!

If you have any advice/experience, I would really appreciate your help.

Thank you!

No, it's 15% for the first child. That's 15% of his 'takehome' as it were, after tax etc. If in doubt, tell him you'll involve the CSA. It's better if you can come to an agreement about it without the CSA, but needs must. Also, any maintenance you get for the baby will not affect any other benefits, like Income Support, housing benefit etc.

Oh, and I am from South Africa too

But if he doesn't work and doesn't get an income surely
you won't get anything via the csa? Perhaps it's better to try and come to a mutally agreeable arrangement without involving csa.

Csa is 15% for one child, 20% is for two x

It doesn't sound like he wants to give you anything, judging from the answer he gave you. And it sounds like he could 'hide' ant money he does have because of his situation.

Have you asked him what he has earmarked for maintenance payments?

He hasn't ear-marked anything per say - he's asked me to think of what is reasonable and then 'he'll see'

I am worried money can be hidden abroad!

If his money is given to him from abroad (rather than earned in this country) I think you'd be lucky to get anything via the CSA - though you might want to give them a ring to ask how they would deal with that kind of income.

If they'll not be any use and he wants you to get the ball rolling, maybe make a list of what the costs might be for the first year or two (nappies, food, equipment, etc), and see what he thinks he could contribute. See if he's up for contributing time caring for the baby too in the long run.

Most of the initial expenses of a baby are one-offs really - so you could see if he would buy a pram, cot etc.

I am in a similar situation, the CSA do not chase money from overseas fathers but you can get a REMO (?) which is done through your local magistrates. You go to the family section and they will serve him papers through the courts in his country. Having said that, this is for europe, it depends if the UK and SA have a reciprocal agrement. Phone the CSA and they will give you the relevant numbers but they can't actually help with the money part. xx

Unfortunately (as I have bitterly found out) during your pregnancy he does not have to pay for anything, even if the decent thing to do would be to share some costs for baby things.