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Original poster

heartbroken need advice

13 replies

mumschat · 19/08/2012 23:51

Hi i just broke up wit my partner of 4 years. I needed some space as i wasnt sure about wat i wanted and needed time apart to thinkso i broke up wit him. Bad idea tho as i realised that i really wanted to be wit my partner but he realised that he didnt love me anymore and said we werent meant to be. It was such a mistake to break up wit him in the first place i just got frustrated and we had an argument and one thing lead to another. I didnt really mean it wen i broke up wit him. Sunce then i have begged him to get back wit me but he insists he doesnt want to. We have a 10 month daughter and i am perfectly capable of raising her myself but i really do want to give the family thing ago im afraid of being a single mum im heartbroken as im madly in love wit him i duno wat to dear im in tears all day help! :(

OP posts:
lljkk · 20/08/2012 00:28

Sorry don't have any great advice, but didn't like to see your post unanswered.
All I know is love isn't like in the Movies, pure & lasts forever. You can profoundly love people you would never be happy to live with & you can live happily with someone you don't feel passionate about.
You both sound pretty mixed up.

Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 17:19

Thanks, i know im so down now cant stop crying all the time i want him back said he wud think about it but i think he mite just be saying that just to get me off his back? Duno wat to do

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Niceupthedance · 20/08/2012 18:01

Sorry you're feeling rubbish. What was happening before in your relationship to make you want some space?

Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 19:39

Hi niceupthedance. During and before my pregnancy we used to fight a lot over stupid things really but it always seemed to escalate and sometimes very bad things were said. I think the main problem is that we never spent time together without the baby since she was born. We were planning to move in togethet but i got a bit worried that it wouldnt be great i dunno why i just think that everythin that happened got to me and an argument led to another thing and out of anger i broke up wit him. I am extremely stubborn and wen he asked me the next day to get back together and i said no was still angry. Anyway after a few days apart i realised i really did love him and it wud be nice to live together wit our daughter. Unfortunately after the few days apart he said he didht love me anymore and didnt want to get back together. So i asked him to think abut it and he said ok but then we had a bit of an argument friday night and he changed his mind. I have begged him since saturday to get back wit me but he said no he doesnt love me and has moved on. I asked him today tock please think abput things about how long weve been together and had a baby together and that i thought it was worth another chance. Now i am unsure wether he said he doesnt love me because he was angry and wether or not he will think about gettin back with me wen the anger wears off or is he just sayin he will think about it to get me off his back? Dunno wat to think :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 19:42

meant to add in..I said it was worth another chance he said he will think bout it. Now i am unsure...

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Niceupthedance · 20/08/2012 20:17

Hmmm. Sounds like things were a bit dodgy for a while then. Maybe now you are a mum you don't want a bad atmosphere, rows etc around the baby and that's why you had to change things?

If you did get back together, how do you think things would change, or do you think you would always row? Is that really, really what you want? I think you should let him stew for a bit and have a think yourself about the best way forward. It must be hard though with a small baby. Don't be afraid of being on your own, chances are you would be absolutely fine, if it came down to it.

Have you spoken to any of your friends or family about the bust up? What do they think?

Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 20:48

Honestly i really do think they wud be great i just needed that bit of time to get things into perspective but i am afraid i have now ruined things he told me he doesnt love me anymore am afraid he does mean this i dunno how to get him to make things up wit me i have promised him while in teats that things wud be different and so much better. I cant bear to see a couple and a child together because that is all i want now :-( me and my mother dont have a close enuf relationship to talk about things lik that she just gave me a hug thats bout it and my friends are great for listening and tryin to cheer me up but they dont have miluch advice to give so have to rely on mumsnet

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Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 20:53

And i am realy afraid of being a single mum !!!

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Original poster
mumschat · 20/08/2012 21:53

Honestly i really do think they wud be great i just needed that bit of time to get things into perspective but i am afraid i have now ruined things he told me he doesnt love me anymore am afraid he does mean this i dunno how to get him to make things up wit me i have promised him while in teats that things wud be different and so much better. I cant bear to see a couple and a child together because that is all i want now :-( me and my mother dont have a close enuf relationship to talk about things lik that she just gave me a hug thats bout it and my friends are great for listening and tryin to cheer me up but they dont have miluch advice to give so have to rely on mumsnet

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Niceupthedance · 21/08/2012 07:32

Well you can't make him do anything... So now you've told him what you want I guess you'll just have to either wait, or get on with other things which make you happy, and wait...

amstronger · 21/08/2012 08:28

sorry your heartbroken. do you think he also needs time off like you did?He will come back if he really care about you and baby.Give him sometime.

Original poster
mumschat · 21/08/2012 13:53

Thats the thing i cant sem to pull myself out of this so depressed all the time cant eat or sleep properly. He comes to my house to see his daughter and takes her 2 days. All of this is killin me im so stupid wish i never broke up wit him in the first place im too stuborn for my own good :-(

OP posts:
lowercase · 22/08/2012 12:18

you will get through the pain, one day at a time...
i have been exactly where you are.
the best thing you can do, is focus on your baby and whats best for her.

he might be enjoying your pleading and pining for him, or it may be annoying/distancing him...try to eat, healthy stuff, if you cant sleep, rest, try downloading some meditations or positive thinking stuff.
be the best woman and mother you can be, when he sees you are moving onwards and upwards, he may well be interested again...
by then, you may not!

do your best!

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