EXH was always lazy and a hoarder (mainly paper - doesn't throw any paper item away, you name it he keeps it) - one of the many reasons I divorced him. My DC stay with him at the weekends and a few days during the hols - so he sees them a lot - which was what we both wanted. BUT - his house (former matrimonial home) has not been cleaned since last September (when I left) - I have a key and go back there from time to time to pick up my stuff (flat we're living in now needs a bit more storage) and each time I go there it gets worse. I've had words with him, made threats - none of that seems to work.
He leaves junk mail where it falls, the children's beds don't look as if they have been changed (wee stained), tissues and dust under the beds, old pushchairs and crap in the kitchen. You can't see most floor spaces. Drawers empty because everything is on floor. He gets my daughter - she's 9 to tidy up, or says to her "if you want it tidy, you tidy it". She's ashamed of the house and it's making her miserable. It's making me miserable and I often feel close to tears when I think they are spending time in that horrible home. I've now said to him that I'll start having the children full time unless he starts decluttering, tidying and cleaning or that I'll call social services. Not sure which to do, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm worried he may retaliate over either action I decide to take. He doesn't like being threatened or humiliated in any way.
He may have OCD (hoarding), probably aspergers and ADHD - he's not a horrible person but he's a slob. He loves his children, but maybe not enough that he doesn't care about their environment. Anyone in same situation? Any advice?