Hi all
I lurk on MN daily and am always amazed at the support people are given and have posted myself many times before and sometimes under different usernames.
I have a really good friend whom I met last year when we both went through a horrible split with our husband/partner. I met her through a another forum when she posted that she had a 2 year old and 4 month old twin boys and her partner left her. Her boys were 3 months premature. At the time I had a 3 year old and 4 month old baby and my husband and I separated.
To cut long story short we have been supporting each other the last year as our so called friends would make comments like "We are so amazed at how well you are coping as you are such a strong woman, etc" when they heard my husband left back then but no one ever contact me again after to ask how I am coping with 2 little ones and no family around or helping with practical things. So I understood what she was going through and she did me.
A year has passed and my husband and I has worked through his problems and are happy and moving on. She is welcome at my house anytime. I am not British so don't believe in the waiting for an invite to come to my house and she knows she can rock up with her twins and 3 year old anytime, which she does. My house isn't massive and having the 2 older girls and 3 little ones trashing it all the time is no problem.
However the last week or so she has been really emotional. She is crying all the time. I managed to get her to get in touch with her HV and doc and up her AD. She has told me that she is really struggling with the practicalities of daily life. The boys are 16 months and just started crawling and obviously very active. They never nap during the day at all unless you count 10 minutes drive in a car when she need to be somewhere. They don't sleep through at night as well and many a times they are all awake because one of them waking the other and then it takes almost 2 hours to get them all back to sleep again.
Luckily when she is at my house I can help with them as even though my DD2 is same age she walked since 10 months and wants to play with the older girls and her boys had loads of health issues. Her 3 year old is however a very demanding child which is understandable because instead of being excited when her little brothers came home from a 3 month stay at hospital her life was turned upside down instead. Her dad left and her mum can only stretch herself so much amongst 3 kids. Initially her dad had the kids and was given a council house as priority because even though he had them when she took the kids again he would have the kids over 2 nights a week. He was given a 2 bedroom with assistance to purchase cots, etc. Its been a year now and he stopped seeing them last September. He came to the 3 year old's party in April and pretended to be the perfect dad but hasn't seen them since. He is lying to CSA about his self-employed IT company and therefore only need to pay £5 a week for 3 kids as he is on benefits. But he has never paid since CSA confirmed it.
All she needs is that one person (i.e. mothers help, but they cost money which neither of us have other wise I would have paid for it myself) that can help her out now and again. I contacted Home-Start when she said I could try and see what I can do. However they are unable to help because even though they can help the rest of the county they no longer have funding for our area. I live a 10 minute drive a way. I don't drive yet trying to get my license sorted and she does. So I cant just pop to hers at any time especially when I cant get hold of her.
Are there anyone else I can contact to get her some practical help. I know she is desperate as its been a year now and this is the worst I've seen her since the first night I met her.
Sorry for long post and grammar errors.