what do I do??

[Happylander]

So Ex has decided he wants no contact with DS until he is older...hmmmm not sure he is going to want to know him then but anyway..

What do I say to DS when he asks for his dad? DS is 2.9

Do I take down the pic of his dad and half sister from his bedroom? I can't work out whether it is good to have a constant reminder of his dad or makes it worse for him.

Has your ex said why he doesnt want contact until hes older?

"Until he's older" sounds very vague to me or that he doesn't have the balls to say he never wants to see him again. I can't imagine some magical day where his dad will suddenly say "Right, now's the time to see my son again!"

Can you?

I would give him age-appropriate information but not mention the fact that he may see his dad when he's older in case this never happens.

He says he can't handle me by that he means he can't handle me telling him he is out of order for yet again not turning up, for trying to take us to court to get us out of a house he pays nothing towards. So after failing to turn up last week, yet again, he sent a text saying he wants no contact with DS until he is older and can make his mind up. Out of the 12 times he could have seen in the past 6 months he has seen him 5 times and only two of those were his designated contact weekends as the rest of the time I had to change plans at last minute to suit him and his social life with OW.

What is age appropriate though? Sorry but I really don't know what to say to him. I can't keep saying 'daddy is busy'

Sorry if I am sounding pissed off my DS has said 'daddy isn't boring with me' this morning as I am ironing today as I have left it and left it so DS is amusing himself.

This is a common problem where their is conflict between ex partners. Some dads see dealing with the ex p as "too much hassle" if their are rows or bitterness between each other.

"i ll see them when they are older" is a very common phrase used by fathers.

I wouldnt rise to it, i certainatly wouldnt beg him to see his son. I'd just say to him, "ok, no problem" and leave it at that.

I would just tell your son that daddy isnt around at the moment, but you will see him soon.

My guess is that his dad will come round in the end, maybe within the next 2-3months and he ll be asking to see his son.

Thank you. The only times there are rows are when he doesn't turn up really and they are by text as I refuse to speak to him on the phone. I have tried amicable but it works for a while and then he acts like a twat the last one being trying to charge me rent on a house he pays nothing towards. I had had enough by this point and let rip at him.

I can't see how he can't separate what I say to him from seeing our DS tbh.

Ds' dad is up to this sort of crap atm. Very sad for ds that things have turned out like this. I think his dad wants me to beg him to be a part of his life and let him turn up when he likes etc.

Ds is only 2.1 so a little younger than yours and doesn't speak much - single words only. I just say Daddy is at his house, Daddy isn't here today, that kind of thing when he says Daddy. If he's trying to tell me something I just echo it, Daddy did x with you and leave it. I am dreading the Daddy is more fun type comments, if he is still seeing him by the time he can manage to say that type of sentance.

I'm undecided on the photo thing. I have photos saved for him in the cupboard if he is interested but not sure about putting them up in his room.