Should I just leave this?

[MsNobodyAgain]

Bit of a back story: I am a lone parent. Asked ex-h to leave 4.5 years ago. I divorced him. We have 3 DCs but don't communicate, apart from text, due to a history of emotional/physical and sexual abuse.

It was my DDs bday (9) yesterday. Ex-h sent a card through the post. He had visitation rights today. He has not given her a present. Nothing either from his Dad, or his brother or sister (which is unusual).

I'm gutted on my DDs behalf. Even a Pound Shop teddy would have made her day. He can afford that. He works.

I am so sad. I can't text him asking why because he would then think I want him back. What kind of 'father' can't even be arsed to get a packet of sweets for a birthday?

So, I'm tempted to text "Did DD forget her presents?" but really that is a bit petty isn't it and I should just back off.

Still fuming though.

Just leave it. It's really not worth the effort.

I know, I know soupdragon but I have twitchy fingers that want to text

"WHERE THE FUCKING FUCK IS DD'S PRESENT?"

Oh I know exactly how feel. However, IME, it rarely pays off! Just causes trouble. Unfortunately.

Right... I've failed and texted "Did you get DD a birthday present?".

Sent 10 minutes ago, no reply yet. I'll let you know if I do.

I agree that it causes trouble but I am so hurt on her behalf. If he replies that he is getting something for next week, I'll say fine. Not "why didn't you get it for this week?".

I'm sorry. I ask for advice and then don't take it. Being a lone parent is difficult as you have no-one to bounce ideas off. My family are lovely and supportive but once I am home, that's it. Just me and the DCs. It's exhausting.

Anyway, thanks for answering my post and allowing me to vent a bit. It is much appreciated.

I have bitten my texting figures on many, many occasions :)

I got a one word reply from him. It said 'no'.

Charming!

What an arsehole!! Am sure you will make it up to her though

Oh yes. I may have to give her back a toy I confiscated a day ago

At least she is now seeing what type of man he is. A hard lesson but there you go.

What a twat.

Unfortunately, they do have to learn that people aren't all lovely... Even their parents. If this happens by their own realisation rather than any bad mouthing on the part of the other parent, so much the better.

My dd & i stopped expecting her useless father to send her anything. Every so many years he will send her a card.
Its not up to you to chase up the present. Your dc is old enough to learn what hes like & also old enough to tell him herself.

You're right. I regret even sending the text now. It's EXACTLY what he would have wanted me to do.

I live and learn... Never mind.