Please tell me it gets better

[mitanni]

I'm a newly single mum of a 7 month old and 4 year old. My husband walked out 9 weeks ago telling me he had no loved me in years. whilst ive been trying to get my head round it he has already got a new partner. He doesn't understand why this has upset me and that he has totally destroyed me.
I find it so hard to put one foot in front of the other and keep a normal home life for the girls. All I want to do is curl up and cry. Please tell me it gets easier. Friends have helped me but i miss my husband. I know hes never coming back but i'm morning my past life.

how did you guys get past the betrayal and learn to live and smile again.

It down get better + yes you're mourning the loss of your DH ( or the man u thought he was ) his betrayal.+ the loss of your planned future.
Be kind to yourself, accept any help offered, just breathe + get through each day.
Do you have any other.family support?

My family has helped me out loads they have come up and helped a lot but I must admit they suffocate me a bit with the over the top happiness.I know they are trying to help and they don't know what to say. Your right I do morn the man and father I thought he was. I just don't want to end up bitter.

Its just the fact he has moved on so quickly. Every time he talks to me he upsets me. the last time we spoke he showed me a photo of this girl and the preceded to tell me about a night out he had with her. Why does he not understand that its wrong, I'm not his friend down the pub Im his wife. He's already cancelled a weekend with the girls and I found out it was to see her.

I had to comfort my 4 year old crying as she thought that Daddy did not love her and that's why he left and not visiting her.

Just so tiered and want at least a chink of light in the tunnel.

Sorry to moan but the one person who I could talk to is the person who did this to me.

Oh it is tough mitanni! Poor you....do you have family and friends around you ? You are probably still in shock and understandably exhausted with two kids under 5 !!!

I am 18 months on from breaking up with my dd's father and I still have good days and bad days. He moved on within weeks too (if not before we broke up). I have tried to focus on improving my self esteem and gradually embarked on a DIY 'feel better about myself programme'. I go out walking with my baby in pram and now when ex and new gf drive past I know I look as good as I can and my head is held high. I joined a zumba class which I love and get out for a run once a week. Exercise helps my mood and ability to cope with all the crap.

My dd is the one who is making it all ok with lots of laughter and happy times. I try to focus on the present and here and now rather than a past and a future. I am currently planning a lovely first birthday and it keeps my mind off what a loser her dad has been.

I have had good support from friends and family in RL . Do you ?? this makes all the practical things much easier. Can you get some time for yourself in the week? Getting out and about as much as possible also helps.

It has been painful but I have gradually cut all ties and links so I do not know anything about their 'Waltons family show' they are portraying on facebook. However this is difficult if your kids regularly see their dad. My has not shown any interest in his daughter since her birth 11 months ago!!

Hugs and it does get better but slowly one day at a time. Keep putting one foot forward and you will get there. xx

I found going into practical mode helped no end, sorting out legal stuff, access arrangements, finances - have you stated on any of that?

And it does really hurt initially, physically and emotionally but gradually it does get better, you might even up pitying H. If you want to talk out anything on here then MN is a good port of call.

And put a cool end to H telling you about his new life. I have no idea why they feel the need to share this with the betrayed wife, apart from to confirm their tosspot status.

It does get better I promise you.

At 9 weeks everything is still so raw for you. Just do what you have to do to get through every day and in a few months you will find that things are getting easier.

There is light at the end of the tunnel - it just takes time.

Thanks for all your replies. Just have such a mix of emotions. I have been sorting out practical sides of things its just the quiet nights I hate. Olympicnmix what does MN mean I'm so new to this website i dont understand all the abbreviations :)

Sometimes I just need a hug I'm 33 and terrified i'll end up on the scrap heap.

Going to get out of these four walls and go to the park think we're all having a bit of cabin fever.

wish me luck

MN = Mumsnet, the fount of all knowledge!

I know you are yearning to speak to your ex to get some explanation, but if he is going to be so cruel then maybe keep contact to a minimum, email for arrangements re the kids & make a note of every time he mucks you around for the solicitor.

The baby is obviously too young to go on overnight stays but he could have your older DD. You need to get a regular visitation schedule set up, or at least offer one. It all looks better if you are seen to be reasonable (even if your instinct is to kick the bugger where it hurts)
ding
Good for you for sorting out the horrible practicalities-lists are good. If the family are being a bit OTT with the cheerleading its only because they want to help so don't be afraid to give them things off your list to do/arrange/collect, including having the DC's at times to give you a break even if it's just to go & do shopping/have a shower/ go & see a mate for a cuppa.

It is hard, especially with a baby too. You sound so lovely. It's definitely his loss.

I think all you can do is take one day at a time & be proud of yourself for holding it together. Enjoy your children.

It doesn't sound like he is much of a catch really if I'm being honest. I think it's pretty much guaranteed he met this woman before he ended it with you. That makes him a cheat and a loser. Also, letting his children down too makes him selfish & not a great father.

I would have nothing more to do with him except discuss access, finances etc and maybe that is best done via a solicitor/mediation if it's too emotionally difficult.

Hold your head high and keep reminding yourself that it's his loss. It truly is.

What Mobly said x3

You and your girls are a team. Do nice things together with your girls and if your family are helping out make sure you do nice things solely for you too. Took me ages to realise I could do that. A friend said 'I bet you're dreading Christmas', the first one without H, and actually I wasn't. Had loads of things planned for the dcs, new traditions of our own I wanted to introduce, family to see, Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread on MN... When you're ready don't forget to embrace the liberation too - watching what you want to on TV, magic moments with the dcs, not picking up after him, choosing food that you really like to eat, when their father does have the dcs going off for a facial, an exercise class or cake!

And at 33 you are so young and have plenty of fun, laughter and love ahead of you

I can promise you that it does get better, i have been a single mum for 4 months now and I love it!!! I get time for myself when they are at their dads, no arguing over parenting, mine are the only rules at home so kids know exactly
where they are.

Also found myself a sexy friend with benefits which is going very well :)