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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

please help DD's birthday and friends wedding on same day

23 replies

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 17:35

DD will be 9 and friend is not having children at wedding so it will be just DD1 (17) and me, if we go. DD2 goes to dads every 2nd weekend but it is not his weekend to have her. Is quite a close friend, she was my bridesmaid but have drifted apart a bit over time nobodys fault just busy lives and we don't stay near each other any more. I would need to leave for wedding at 1pm. Do i go to wedding and leave DD with babysitter on her birthday or do I go to friends wedding?

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bigTillyMint · 04/08/2012 17:37

Wouldn't her dad swap weekends/do an extra for an important event?

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 17:38

I would speak to the friend and explain the situation. My gut feeling is that if the friend didn't offer the chance of DD attending, I wouldn't go to the wedding.

bigTillyMint · 04/08/2012 17:39

But she has a dad who could take his turn at looking after her and treating her on her birthday

fivegomadindorset · 04/08/2012 17:40

First option see if your DD's dad will swap weekends, if not then, much as I am loathe to say it, I wouldn't go, leaving your DD alone on her birthday is not good.

Original poster

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 17:41

I dont think DD would want to go to the wedding last wedding was my brothers last year and she humphed and moaned all the time and she was a bridesmaid and so practically the centre of attention. I cant swap with dad because i work the weekends he has her, but he might take her extra. I just dont want her to feel ive dumped her on her birthday. but I do want to go to wedding.

OP posts:

FelicitywasSarca · 04/08/2012 17:42

I would speak to her Dad and ask him to have her as a one off.

If that failed, (then he's a twonk- but that could be why he's your ex anyway!) I would try grandparents/aunts and uncles/godparents.

Lastly a non-family babysitter. And I would give the babysitter extra cash to take her to the cinema/somewhere else she likes.

And I would make it up to her with an extra special 'treat day' on the Sunday.

I wouldn't miss the wedding of a close friend.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 17:58

But she has a dad who could take his turn at looking after her and treating her on her birthday

Yes, obviously, but I would prefer to be with my children when it is their birthdays if it was my weekend.

It was unclear from the OP what the specific problem was :)

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 17:59

(that's just my personal feelings BTW, I do know others feel differently... Not being judgey!)

NervousAt20 · 04/08/2012 18:01

I would rather spend the day with my DD and miss the wedding

GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 18:03

The wedding is only one day of the weekend.

Could her dad celebrate with her on the day and then you celebrate with her the following day?

Original poster

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 18:05

the problem is I want to be in two places at once...I want to go to wedding but i also want to give DD a party and this is the first time in ages bday has been on a saturday so she can have party on birthday...but this is one of my best friends and i don't want to miss her wedding either and I don't want DD to think Ive chosen friend over her but I dont want friend to think ive snubbed her wedding either!!!

OP posts:

NervousAt20 · 04/08/2012 18:08

I don't think your friend would be or has a right to be upset that you missed her wedding because of your DDs birthday

DontmindifIdo · 04/08/2012 18:09

Unless her Dad wants to take her just for the afternoon/day (leave after the meal, be back for bedtime), i'd turn down the day invite and go to the evening do only. DD trumps old friend.

Longtalljosie · 04/08/2012 18:12

There's no way I'd go to the wedding under those circs

Original poster

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 18:12

yeah nervous she probably wouldnt be shes not like that but i would still feel shit about missing it because she was my bridesmaid and helped so much with my wedding, I cant go to her hen weekend either as no cash/babysitter I dont want to have to miss wedding too. I could have dds party on sunday, i havent even got a sitter yet for the wedding anyway, just trying to work it out what to do for best

OP posts:

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 04/08/2012 18:12

Your friend will (hopefully) only get married once. Your daughter will have many birthdays. The clash is unfortunate. If a swap with dad is not possible then I think a big fuss before you go and a celebration the day before or after. Your friend cannot do another day! Although you may to be especially close, she clearly thinks enough of you to invite you to her wedding.

hippoCritt · 04/08/2012 18:23

How reasonable is your ex? Could he make it sound like he'd like to do x on her birthday with her? I think a party the day after is fine just makes her birthday longer

Slowcooker123 · 04/08/2012 18:30

I would go to the wedding.

Have a special morning with dd- take her for a birthday breakfast, have presents etc.

Ask her dad to have her for the afternoon, he gets to see dd on her birthday- he might be really happy you asked! You could leave after wedding and collect her that evening.

Book party for the Sunday!

Sorted.

LemonBreeland · 04/08/2012 18:32

Could you do a party for your DD and then go to the evening part. I know you will still miss the wedding itself but you will get to celebrate with her.

NotaDisneyMum · 04/08/2012 18:34

If you don't go to the wedding - will she see her Dad at all on her birthday, or spend the whole day with you and older sister?

Viviennemary · 04/08/2012 18:38

I'm not against no children rules at weddings if that's what a couple wants. However, they have to be prepared for people not being able to attend because of their rule. But you say your daughter doesn't want to go anyway. You have a few options.

Your ex DH looks after her that day
A family friend or other relative looks after her
You miss the wedding.

I think I would base my decision this time on how hurt your DD will be if she does not spend her birthday with you. And you could offer her some extra birthday treats. I know bribery isn't a good thing. But still!!

clemetteattlee · 04/08/2012 18:49

What does your daughter say?

GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 18:52

Much as I think birthdays are very important, this may very well be the only wedding your friend has - your DD will have other birthdays.

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