I know I can't control him but how do I control my reaction to him?

[workshy]

my ex is winding me up

after 3 years of living with his mum he has bought a house about a 10 minute walk from me, with a bedroom for each of the kids -they have been planning colour schemes etc

he has announced today that he will be moving his girlfriend OF 3 MONTHS and her son into his new house

he is going to tell the girls just before he drops them back to me on Sunday so I will have to deal with the fall out
if they had been told they were sharing from the start it would have been fine but he let them in, got them to pick which room they wanted and has been talking about in your room I'll do this, in your sister's room I'll do that

plus not only will he be living under my nose, so will his girlfriend (I have nothing against her but never met her and niether have the DCS)

I'm more than livid, I'm outraged on my DCs behalf but I'm also anoyed that I'm not going to be able to go out without seeing them (very small town)

how do I calm down?

bump

there has never been any point in reasoning with -it's his way or no way

his soultion if we ever disagree about the DCs is 'well I just won't have them then'

as much as this would make life easier in some ways like I wouldn't have to deal with his madness it wouldn't be good for the DCs and as ever I am taking the moral high ground

it's nothing to do with me who he chooses to intoduce them to, or who he chooses to live with but this is seriously going to backfire and I'm going to be the one picking the pieces up again

If it helps, my ex lives about 5 minutes from my house. We have not seen each other in years. It comes handy for the children, especially once they are teenagers. The last thing you want is for your children to take 2 buses and walk a mile in order to reach their friends. If you live to each other, chances are it would end up being more convenient to you all. As long as he doesn't live in the same street as you... you should not expect any problems.

And don't underestimate your children, you have been living apart for 3 years, and they may already have a clear idea of what is going on, you may be surprised to find out that they are actually already getting used to the situation.

In my first relationship after I split with my exh, we kept his children and my child under the impression that we were only friends. We didn't tell them for while and were very careful so they didn't suspect anything. When we finally told them they said "Oh well, we have known that for ages!!!, what's for dinner?'

they are 11&8 and told me he had a girlefriend long before he told them so they are not daft

I don't mind him moving close for the reasons you give makeitlarge, and we actually discussed where he was going to live and he chose to live close so they could flit between the two, but his new arrangement they will be visitors, again!

Not necessarily Workshy, believe me, there are women out there who will do everything to make sure your children feel at home and well cared for.

I was in a relationship with a man who had lovely children, I really enjoyed to have them around and go out with them. I loved having dinnef together with them, etc actually, when the relationship ended I was distraught at "loosing" the children rather than their dad.

You may think that I was trying to play the role if their mother but that wouldn't be true, I have my own child and they had their mum, who despite whatever my ex could say about her, I thought she was great, such well rounded lovely children were so because the way she had brought them up.

I agree with Cartagena, Workshy, I don't think that you need to worry too much about the being-a-visitor thing. Your ex's GF will doubtless be very aware of what she is getting into, and is probably also a little anxious about how to make it work. I think the fact that he (and, presumably behind the scenes a bit, her) have felt it important that your DCs get too choose how their rooms get decorated is a real sign that they want to make the children feel that it is a home for them, that they won't just be visitors.

I'm also not surprised at all that your kids worked out he had a GF before he told them!

badideabear
he has pulled the idea that they get to choose their rooms because he is now moving the GF in

it all seems very rushed, they haven't even met her and he is moving her and her child in

I also feel for her son as I he hasn't had a chance to get used to this either

I think they are creating a hornets nest to be honest

I have no issue with them having a stepmum, the more people that love and care for my DCs the better as far as I'm concerned but the fact he is going back on his promises to the DCs and that things are moving so bloody quickly is what concerns me

Hi op, my ex did the same. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I guess all you can do is support your little ones and perhaps pick up the pieces but it may all work out fine. I hope it all goes ok.

This is ridiculous. Does no one think of the
children.

He is moving in his gf of 3 months & her ds who he probably hasnt met while telling his children with u that they are getting their own rooms. He expects them all to live together as one big happy family.

None of this is good for any of the children.

Some people (your ex) are so selfish.

I think of the children all the time

that's why I bend over backwards to facilitate their relationship with their dad, sadly he doesn't give them the same priority

I hope you didnt think i meant that you werent thinking of the children. I meant your ex.

I know how you feel. I just want to take my ex & shake him until he stops being an arse. Im lucky in that i dont have to deal with my ex but unlucky that i have to pick up the pieces coz he cant be bothered to see his child.

no no, don't worry, just re read my OP and it seemed a bit me me me, when I get frustrated because of the impact on my DCs, if they didn't exist I wouldn't give him a second thought

I dont think it came across as all about you. I think it came across as a loving parent who wants the best for their children. Pity your ex wasnt the same. If only there was a naughty step that we could put all the useless parents on.