Any single Mums with teens?

[happygolucky0]

Hi all well just as the subject says really. I am 39 and have a 14 (15 in Oct) boy.
I have been a single Mum most of his life really. Life got fairly easy after the toddler and terrible twos stage. Not quite the same nowadays. Really feel the strain some days and could do with some others in the same boat to give some advice to me. How do you manage?

Hide the booze the sod'll drink it all make him live in the shed you can charge rent and not have party damage buy an old crap car he won't be seen dead in it so no taxi service for you take out shares in a sock company oh and tissue company NEVER draw spots on the mirror teens don't have humour and last but not least, take every oppourtunity to start practising your embarrassing moves you'll need these for granny stage

Hi lone parent of DD14 here. I now try not to shout and it's had quite an effect. If she pushes her luck or plays up I quietly use words like 'disappointed' or I tell her how it makes me feel . She still stomps about but does calm down and do as I've asked.

I also chat to her about how I feel generally... I let her know when I feel good or when I feel a bit low and I tell her why. I do think that it sinks in a bit.

[Grin] at Natural

Sorry serious face now I have a 17year old ds and have been single for a loooong time too.

Humour goes a long way especially in tough situations, keep your social/work life up, encourage them, talk to them, support them and ask for the same back. Have family days, try to eat one meal a day together and watch some cheesy tv. Getting involved in a sport/hobby either seperately or together is good as you meet other people and often have social events.

Remember that 'this too will pass'. (Even if it takes a few years!)

LP of DD1 (17) DD2 (15)

I'm 51 so we have a combination of PMT & menopausal hissy fits from time to time!!

I keep sane by trying not to sweat the small stuff, pick my battles etc.

Keep a well stocked snack cupboard/fridge/fruit bowl for invading chums & start saving now for when he wants to start driving.

Ds of 17 here with me 45. Pretty hard going sometimes, though he's a great boy, we struggle to find common ground. We seem to be very separate these days, and I can't find a way of getting back our closeness.
Happy, I don't know if I have any good advice to offer, I thought things were ok until 6th form started. I don't shout as much as I used to. My ds is fairlytypical in thinking I know nothing! At 14 he was still very sweet.

Me, I have dd1 14, dd2 12, and ds 9.

Can't really help with advice on boy teens, but will def be making notes on your advice for when my ds is one lol.

Ive been on my own with my lot for 6 years and it's not so bad. I really really struggled at first but tbh as they have got older it has got easier. Dd1 can be a right royal pain in the ass, and we have had some major bust ups, but we muddle through somehow.

I try and be as open as honest with them as I can, in the hope that they will feel that they can be the same with me.

Doinmummy - I am the same with my dd1. I realised about 2 years ago that shouting had no effect whatsoever and it would just turn into a slanging match. Nowadays I just tell her my opinion and what I am not happy about etc and although she still doesn't like it, it resolves things a lot quicker.

A few things that make a positive difference.. (I have DS1 20, DS2 17, DD1 13): letting them know that friends are welcome at ours - I'd always rather have a few boys crashing on the sofa/floor and then (with my halo firmly on) cooking bacon sarnies in the morning for them all, rather than not know where he/they are. Some parents avoid this like the plague and see their kids far less IME.

Secondly I actually like their mates and tell them so. Having a chat about so-and-so and how nice/funny/cool/geeky they are seems to give us some common ground (there's preciousl little enough of that..). Its definitely much easier to chat about things when they think you're not on the warpath all the time.

So funny Natural!!!!! very good..
Thank you everyone for your replies. Nice to have someone who understands.
He doesn't want any family time ...I gave up on that idea as he just isn't interested. ( i know its important but I can't make him).
He has everything in his room so maybe that was abit of a mistake (geting large size tv for xmas).
He isn't a bad lad and just wants to be at his girlfriends and I know that he could be doing alot worse things ie drugs, smoking,drinking, so on one hand I shouldn't be complaining.
It is just his need to get his own way that drives me mad. Also I just am kind of getting lost on what is ok and what is not anymore. I surpose it just depends on you as a family. Last night he was asking to sleep over at the girlfriend's, downstairs. So they can spend more time together. I said no and not to ask me until he is 16.
I was also invited to go camping with my friend for a few days, I know it was short notice but couldn't as my son had planned to go to his girlfriends.
Am I being too soft or too harsh as I really don't have a clue any more? When girl/boyfriends come in the picture it feels like am losing control is this just me or has anyone else felt like this? sorry to blame the girl again but she seems to be ruling my son and I am trying to reason with the force of two instead of one. I am sorry for the rant but if I dont get it off my chest think i will scream.

Happygolucky - I know exactly how you feel. Dd has a bf and i feel totally out of my depth. She also once asked if he could sleep over, and I also said no.

Today shes appeared with a love bite. I am not happy, but ive not shouted. I've told her that it makes her look cheap, and that it is nothing to be proud of. I have also said that her bf is no longer allowed in the house if i'm not here.

I feel ive not done/said enough, but whatelse can I say. If i scare her off she'll go somewhere else to do it anyway.

How old is the girlfriend Happy? I've found that my boys both stayed at their girlfriends houses fairly early on and I had to trust that the parents would be keeping an eye on them. IME if they want to have sex they probably will, although that doesn't mean anyone should be making it easy for them to do so.

It is difficult and you have to just follow your instincts sometimes and do what you think is right.

Re family get-togethers, as they get older they don't want to be visiting relatives much and my family are getting used to it. They still enjoy getting together at Xmas tho, so that tends to be good family time.

I've never allowed TVs in bedrooms as I could foresee issues later on, very glad I stuck to my guns there. Ditto with mealtimes, I insist that we eat together at the table, so there is conversation going on and I need notice if anyone's not going to be home for dinner - its really just a case of crossing each bridge as you come to it.

TheoriginalNutcracker- glad someone does, but then would prefer others not to have to be going through the same crap. I told my son a couple a months ago that his girlfriend wasn't allowed in the house without me being there. She lives 4-5 miles away so not as easy to just pop by. There isnt much else not that i know we can do say

Rasksolnikov- the girlfriend is the same age 14. Thanks for sharing that you let your boys stay at girlfriends. Very wise of you to of kept the tv out of the bedroom wish I had now. Never seen the harm in it up until this year when he doesn't want to come out of the bedroom. Meal times have been another battle this week .....he wants to miss them untill 8 ish at night or eat out/friends.
Thanks for messages x

I can understand your concerns with 14 year olds. In that case, I'd be ringing the girls mum and agreeing a strategy, but its a thorny subject. Keeping in closer contact with the girlfriend's mum would be a priority - she'll no doubt be worrying the same as you are.

I'm lone parent with DD (16) and DS (14). I agree with rasko that I'd rather have their friends here than not know where they are and what they are up to.

It does sometimes hack me off that I always seem to be feeding them, but we have discovered the delights of Asda value pizzas for 60p!

Yes, line, I buy pizzas and a few (very few) cans of beer now and then so they can chill at home and I can keep an eye on them

Thanks guys for your support last week. Been having a better time these last few days. I took your advice and been having the girlfriend around more than usual. It does mean I have to stay in and keep an eye but anything for a more chilled life!

Raskolinikov- I gave the girlfriends's Mum my number yesterday, couldn't quite bring myself to say can I have yours...have only met her a couple of times.
Linerunner- My oven is broken at the mo so no pizzas here for a minute but will take a look at the Asda value ones thanks.
Nutcracker - hope things are going ok with daughter.