New & Newly Single Mum - Help!

[Hayels]

Hi,

I'm new here as I don't have any children myself but concerned for my best friend who has just had her first baby.

She had an easy pregnancy up to 37 weeks when her husband of just over a year (partner of 6 years) left her for a girl he'd been seeing for a few months. The following weeks were obviously stressful but finally her beautiful baby girl has been born.

The baby is now a couple of weeks old and obviously she's struggling as not only a new mum but a newly single mum. She is going to the doctors to see what, if anything, they can do for her but my question is really, what I can do for her? I don't want to intrude on the precious time with her new baby but she doesn't have a lot of help and I'm concious of her being on her own. I've tried to be there as much as I can but as I work full time and live about 20 miles away without a car, its proving difficult. I have thought about trying to find a massage therapist who specialises in post natal massage to come to her house- is this something that anyone has experienced?

Does anyone have any other experience of this type of situation and what you would have appreciated at the time??

Thanks in advance!!

Even if you can't get to see her then a call to see how they are doing is always appreciated. As a new single mum it can be hard to get out of the house sometimes and she might feel a distinct lack of adult contact. Best wishes for her and her baby, and you for being such a good friend to her.
I was a single mum and my best friend has always been around for me. Even though she moved away soon after my DS was born, she always made the times we spend together special. As you know, a goodfriend is what they need now.

I was in exactly the same position as your friend 2 years ago when exh of 10 months (together for 5) left me for OW when I was 40 weeks pregnant. It is very stressful, emotional, and a traumatic time. I still find it difficult when certain memories pop into my head even now. Does she have family nearby as they have been invaluable to me.

I also saw a counsellor for a number of months which helped with the grieving process. The doctor recommended it, I wouldn't have thought of counselling myself but it was really useful, albeit painful, and even though I didn't think it was working sometimes, when I look back now, I can see it did. It's really good to speak to a "stranger", someone who doesn't have any preconceptions about the situation or people involved. Perhaps you could recommend she visits her doctor and asks about counselling?

It is probably the last thing she'll feel like doing but exercise also helps to beat depression and gain confidence again. Perhaps you could arrange to do stuff in the great outdoors on a weekend.

In such situations its very hard not to get depressed. I didn't go on anti-depressents but I did develop pretty bad anxiety so I keep a close eye on her and if she feels like she needs extra help, recommend she sees a doctor.

My best mate was invaluable to me. As fantastic as my family were, they could also be a bit smothering at times and my mate helped me remember who I was before the baby! As much as your friend will want to spend time with her baby she'll also want adult company and much needed breaks. She regularly sent me motivational texts which I would read again and again when upset. She promised I would get through it........and she was right. Unfortunately, it takes time, a lot of talking and cups of tea.x

Forgot to say....my counsellor recommended a regular massage to me. She said as humans we benefit from close contact with others, so if you haven't got a partner, a massage is the next best thing.

Maybe a supermarket shop of some nappies, meals and fruit and veg would be a practical present...if they deliver to her area.

I would have loved this!!

Massage is a great idea. When I was depressed, my therapist also recommended a weekly massage.

I agree with Umma: take as much interest in her and the baby as possible. One of the difficult things I found as a single mum is that your partner is not there to share the experience. Certainly the sleepless nights and the colics. But equally, perhaps more important: the joy about the first smile, their development.

Remember that babies is all we can talk about for the first three months and if you can be there to listen and share, you will probably really help her.