Have an appointment with a solicitor today - can't think straight!

[MillionDollarBaby]

Feel sick and I'm trying to concentrate as have loads of work to do but feel ill with worry. This is so rubbish! just need some support I think.

He has been consistantly abusive towards me for years and won't pay a penny through the CSA. It all came to a head when he turned up on my doorstep shouting abuse at me in front of a friend and both of our children. The police advised me to stop contact and get some legal advice. I want him out of our lives completely but I don't know how likely that is.

hi darling just wanted to give you a hug [[[[[[[[[[hug]]]]]]]]]]and to let you know you will find the strength to do what needs to be done,i am going through sperating from an abusive relationshio and everyday is a challange everyday i take one bit at a time and deal with it ,,after years of being controlled you have to re learn how to take control and make your own choices ,,good luck hun remember your in control ,xx

and sorry for th etyping mistakes

make a list of what you need to do ,,and do one at a time and then tick it off get all your paperwork togeather and write everything down inc phone calls ,,

Have written down what jobs I'm going to do at what times of the day so I it will help me focus. Just feel so stressed.

Would you believe I'm doing a stress management course! how ironic!

It's not that I feel week about it, I have a pretty strong healthy relationship now (with it's ups and downs of course) but he's told me he's going to go for full custody I'm pterified that he will get any sort of custody. I'm dreading him even getting PR as I know he will just use it to get at me.

He's such a sad bitter angry pathetic little weasel.

I hope things turn out ok for you and you get what you want. It doesnt sound like your ex is any good for the children coz if he was you wouldn't be worried about him getting pr etc.. I can imagine how you are feeling, I'm scared of my ex trying to bring me to court to get access, he only seen dd twice in 9 months and has turned up at night recently asking to see her after 6 months and when i said no he threatened to come with a gun! ffs!

the fact that you called the police will probably work in your favour (i have no idea what considerations go into the decision really, but I wouldnt imagine he would get custody at all, if he is abusive.

He has been having regular visits though that's my only concern.

He's such a tw*t. keep telling myself no point in thinking about it until have spoken to solicitor but just can't shut it out of my mind.

I think it is quite hard and will take a while to get sorted for example i know someone who was seeing their daughter regularly daughter staying at weeknds etc then the mother decided to stop contact and this has been going on for about two years and it hasn't got to court yet.

are you seeing solicitor today? at least they will be able to tell you what his chances are etc.. if he is harassing you and threateneing you you could apply for an injunction against him.

Yes going to try and get a restraining order or whatever it is. We'll see how it goes.

Just wish I could take my mind off it!

i know it must be spinning around in your head, but at least by the end of the day things will be clearer, I sure you will feel reassured. let me know how it goes.

Have been now, was OK but feel a bit frustrated as they're not 'doing' anything.

basically said that I was completely within my rights and it's up to him to start legal actions. If he continues to harass me and be abusive to keep a record and inform the police. If he keeps calling and being agressive then I can change my number.

So feel like I've just been left to fend for myself and wait until he decides to do something. Bit frustrated, also she was cagey about what access he would get if he applied, she talked about supervision centre etc until he could prove his behaviour has improved.

I'm sorry it didn't turn out as expected. It is so frustrating so they wait for something to happen before they do anything. surely they should have you and your childs wellbeing in mind and do something to prevent anything happening.

If he does harrass do call the police because if it does go to court at least you have evidence of his behaviour.

Hello MillionDollarBaby
I'm new user of mumsnet, have just been reading this and thought i'd drop a line because i lived in an abusive relationship for 4 years and me and my two children ended up in a refuge. Life is now going well i'm at college trying to get on with my life but seek and find orders were placed on me and kid's so contact ended up being granted in a supervision centre but because that appeared to go well it has now progressed and shortly he is due to have them alone which terrifies me but no-one seems to listen. We had a finding of fact hearing and all findings were made in my favour but yet they still believe this man has a right to see the kid's it is a real joke and professionals that work within the area of domestic violence need more training because they haven't got a clue.
But the good thing is that i have been out of the relationship one year nine months and i am now a much stronger person and more assertive and i don't take any crap from the solicitors etc now whereas in the past i let them puss me into making decisions i didn't want to make.

Hi Clarkie - welcome to MN, you'll get loads and loads of support here. You will get addicted though! Sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship but great to hear you got out of it - I'm sure be able to give loads of advice to those who are still trying to break free on MN. Look forward to talking to you more!

Thanks me23. Solicitor recommended against injunction and ultimately it saves me money I guess. Just have to call her if/when he gets his act together and applies for PR - the tosser!