he is not turning up again this weekend just want to moan really..

[Happylander]

My ex is not turning up for our DS again this weekend. I told him I thought he was being out of order for trying to get rent of me for a house he pays nothing towards and he also moaned that he did not want to pick him up at 11am because it meant he had to get up early. I told him that I get up early every day I have him and work shifts and look after him on no sleep and he has the audacity to moan about getting up early (6am) for one day every few weeks. He told me that if I was going to be like that he wasn't having him at all. Which really means..I want to get pissed all weekend with OW and can't be bothered with DS so I am going to use any excuse....I HATE HIM!!!

How can he bang on about what a great dad he is when he does nothing for him and has only had him once in 7 weeks!!! I am now getting to the point that I think my DS is better off without him and I never thought I would ever say that.

He is such a selfish, uncaring, unsupportive twat!

He certainly is. Sounds like he was spoiling for a fight so he could forge an excuse to not have his son.

It's infuriating isn't it. Unfortunately what can you do? I'm surprised I haven't got an ulcer from all my suppressed rage at my exp.

Can you go out and do something nice today with your DS?

Oh he wasn't having him from today as that would have been clearly too much for him. He will only have him from Saturday until Sunday anyway .

I was supposed to go to an evening wedding reception tomorrow but have had a to cancel because I could not get babysitter for weekend at such short notice. I could not really afford to go so I am not too disappointed. I am however, now able to go a friends birthday BBQ where I can take DS tomorrow which will be lovely.

I just feel really sorry for DS who misses his dad and as he is only 2 and a half this inconsistency is confusing and it is me that has to deal with the fall out i.e. more tantrums than normal. I just could never behave the way Ex does and I have no idea how he can be so lax about his parenting and not feel guilty for letting him down.

Does your ex let your children down?

How come he has only seen him once in 7 weeks? Does he live far away?

When he first left (for the OW) he did. He would have an urgent event/situation he'd forgotten about at the last minute. But once the champagne and roses had settled he did pull his socks up and have the DC.

Six and half years later the girls see him but much less than they used to as he prioritises his newer family every time. At 10 and 8 the girls see this for themselves and I know they don't view him as the strong, dependable daddy they once did. His bullshit excuses are met with faces from them.

I'm a point now where any arsehole behaviour goes over my head as there is little I can do. I refuse to wait for him to make arrangements, if he doesn't get in touch or whatever, we just get on with our day. I won't give him any power these days. Took a long time to get here though!

mrstomhardy he lives 3 hours away. He always has an excuse normally a social function, weekend away, holiday or not enough money . Personally I can't understand why he still can't have DS and get a babysitter like I have to do!! I offer other weekends but he has excuses or like this weekend just makes some crap up. He has only seen his daughter by his first wife twice this year! He made out to everyone when he left me that I stopped him...er no I didn't I just stopped paying for him because our own DS was going without and I told him he would have to pay his own travel he never went again until after he left. In 9 months he has seen her 3 times. I am hoping that people will start to realise it is him and not me but he lies to everyone and very convincingly and says that I stop him and that his first wife stops him from seeing his kids. Total bollocks!

missmowgi I have tried to do that and tried to be the better person but sometimes it just infuriates me because I can not for the life understand how you can go so long before seeing your child. I would never treat my child this way. It feels as if he sees him as something to pick up and show off when he needs to. I am certainly never going to rely on him from now on.

Men can be soooooooo irritating.
They never seem to think of the kids.

My xh hasnt seen his 2 ds for 9 years now and tbh yes its hard work but i get no grief or hassle. Yet my xp sees our ds EOW and hes still a pain in the arse even after nearly 9 years
Im not sure which is worse....although in my situation the ds who sees his dad is harder work than my other 2, more sensitive (although you wouldnt believe it), struggles with emotions more, has more anger in him etc etc.....
In fact we are at home now waiting for him to turn up, as he never tells me a time, and hes just text to say 'stepson will be picking ds up in half hour'....oh nice, he only lives 2 mins away yet cant be arsed to pick his own son up!!!!
Aarrgghhh

I know its hard but i would just get on with your life.... Does he give u much notice if he wants your DS??

It is court ordered now as he took me to court for contact. I soon showed CAFCASS and my Barrister that I did not stop him, that he chose every other weekend and that was fine by me and then I showed them in my diary just exactly how often he was turning up i.e. not a lot! The reasons he gave for not turning up and that I actually wanted him to have DS more. They were a bit gobsmacked tbh and asked what the hell he was playing at. I told them he is lying to other people saying I stop him so he doesn't look bad when he hasn't seen him in 2 months. To make his lies look believable he had to take me to court. Cost him nothing as he self repped cost me £800 as I could not trust myself to speak to the lying, cheating arse LOL

He has decided to drop the court case this week that was to try and throw me and DS out the house he pays nothing for. He had a solicitor this time and she was certain he would win until I put her in the picture.

He is doing everything to make it acrimonious between us. There is no need for it as I have had one hell of a lucky escape from him and the OW is most welcome to him. She deserves to live with the liar and will gradually realise he is very fake and she must feel insecure knowing he has walked out on two women with young children and then been nasty to both of them. All I want is for him to turn up, take an interest in him and stop being such a nasty twat.

I have years of this ahead...bloody depressing that.

I know that feeling....now my xp is married to my xbest friend we hardly communicate at all.....he will only text me if absolutely necessary! He used to phone ds 3 times a week but he hasnt phoned him now for nearly 3 months!!!! My ds is now 10 and in some ways its easier as hes working out for himself what his dad is like but somethings do bloody rile me, lol

Your ex married your ex best mate..that is really shit. Sorry to hear that must have hurt like hell. I had met the OW once at a summer ball my friend did suspect something going on and shoved her away from Ex but I thought my mate was being daft and apologised to her. How wrong I was.

I am sure our children will work out what their dads are like but I would much rather he had a proper relationship with him. I just don't understand how they can change so easily from doting dad and partner to twat the minute they leave you.

He isn't turning up tomorrow now either. He is supposed to have him for the week. just wanted to moan about that too.

God he really is an arse isn't he!!!

Yes he is. This is despite it being written into contact order that he is to pick him up today and the the time of pick ups is always 0900. I had written an emails confirming all of this but he still felt the need to constantly send texts about it. He also told me I wasn't to contact him in any shape or form. So I ignored most of the texts and pointed out it was in contact order. I got called a selfish prat and that he now couldn't see his son as I had not replied to him 45 mins earlier when I was actually playing in the garden with DS.

He always does this but normally he starts something on the texts that I get furious about and then he uses that as an excuse not to see him. That is why I also ignored as well the fact I had already told him and didn;t feel the need to confirm it several times a day.

Sorry got called away...

I am so upset and annoyed by him. Whatever I do is wrong. If I react he doesn't see him. If I don't react and email him in advance of where DS is going to be it still works out wrong. If I do as he asks and stick to no contact that is wrong. All I want is him to turn up and care for our DS and parent him equally. Yet he uses many excuses not to but at the same time telling everyone I stop him. I need a break and I want to have some me time and be able to easily see my friends and have a conversation that is not interrupted by a toddler every 30 secs LOL.

I had so many plans for this week, nothing excting but just to get lots of stuff done around the house and generally laze about as well kick start getting fit again. I hate the man

God he is a right knob! I'm not surprised you are furious!!
I understand what you mean about getting free time, my xh hasn't seen his 2 ds for 9 years so thats how long its been since i've had any real time alone and even then he only had them from 11-4....whoopy!!!

I don't think your xp has any intention of seeing his ds.....because if he really wanted too then he would, he is just using you as any excuse and thats why it doesnt matter whether you reply, don't reply, etc

If access is set out in a court order then why does he expect you to constantly confirm things!! I would stop all contact i think, just don't rise to anything (i know easier said than done)....just ignore him totally.

Keep a diary of his contact, emails, texts etc, just incase he takes you back to court but i would be tempted to just ignore the knob!!

Thank you. I am going to ignore ignore ignore. I am sick of him. Thing is he has his daughter for 10 days from his first wife and she didn't want DS there and I think he must have realised it would be hard work so needed some excuse not to have him.

9years god that is a long time. I just could not do that to a child. Well I am sure you do a fantastic job with your kids.

Ah thanks, it's bloody hard work i have to admit and it just gets harder tbh...i have 3 ds but my 10 year old sees his dad EOW...he won't go there any more than that as he's bored there, even tho there's 7 kids there!!!
I wish i'd of had mumset all those years ago. I would of done things very differently but hey ho, can't change the past.

If he has his dd for 10 days then he should have your ds too, they are both his kids...but my xp has his dd extra days when he doesn't ask to have our ds so i know how that feels!
My ds is way down the pecking order of all the kids he has/lives with but it's his loss. Hopefully the sad twat will end up old and lonely.....

I sent Ex a text saying he needs to sort out maintenance from CSA as he went to them and I still haven't received any. The response I got was

'no it is not and I never thought I would say this but I can't handle you for the next 14 years so I'm going to stay away from you and Jake until he is old enough to want to contact me'

WTF!! I have understandably had a go at him every time he has failed to turn up for DS, failed to provide for him and for trying to take me to court for trying to force a sale on the house he pays nothing for which if he had been successful I would have had to move into a one bed flat so not really putting DS best interests first really.

Jesus my solicitor said he would do all the things he has done and I told her no he wouldn't he loves his son....oh how wrong I was.

What do I do now??

When my xh decided he wasn't going to see our 2 ds again he told me "but its ok coz i'll pay you maintenance so i'll be doing my bit and then when boys are 17/18 then when can just catch up where we left off"!!!!!!
What a wanker!!!!

You can't make him stay in contact with your ds.
I was so angry with my xh but what could i do!
Carry on with your life. Go to csa about getting maintenance for your ds, its always better for you to start the process rather than him. You are then in control.
It is hard but tbh my 2 boys who havent had contact with their dick of a dad for 9 years are happy, confident, laid back ' normal' teenagers who are now 13 and 15...there is no grief or texts or changes in contact etc and there is no communication whatsoever! He is no part of their life, they dont remember him infact!!

Do we have the same ex LOL

Thank you. He went to CSA as he changed his mind about how much he wanted to give DS and his daughter from his first wife. I called them earlier and they say it is coming from his wages and will be in my account by next week hopefully.

I have lots of male friends and family so hopefully DS will ahve a fair few male role models regularly in his life. Still very sad though