I want to scream and stamp my feet and get really really angry

[Pantone363]

DH and I split Xmas day when I found out about his affair.

3 DC, 7, 4, 2.

I was lucky to be a SAHM with a relatively comfortable life.

Now of course I'm pretty much living on the breadline, day to day etc. DH pays the exact amount of CS he has to. Hes living in a house of his mothers and paying NO rent or bills because he is 'looking after it for her' (she travels a LOT). So he's basically living high off the hog and I'm somewhere in the gutter.

I will NOT go asking him for more money. But I am utterly pissed off with everyday at dadies being like toys r us. I'm sick of spending all day saying 'we can't it's too expensive' then turning up at his and they go out to dinner, new garden toys, weekends away, trips out.

DS said today 'this house is boring, what time are we going to daddys'. I do lots of stuff with them. We went to the creek and had a picnic, but then I drop them at his 10 mins ago and their faces light up because he's taking them out to dinner and then out on his jet ski.

I'm fucked off with having no money. I was supposed to be going out for a drink this weekend with a friend and then the car failed it's MOT. So all spare/emergency cash gone. He mentioned me going out and i said i couldnt because of money so he offered an extra £20. I just couldn't take it. I don't want anything from him, or to be in his debt so I said no thanks. He then retorts with "well you'd think you'd be more grateful if your that poor".

I know I'm cutting off my nose, but I don't want anything from him. I know it's petty jealousy, I'm just sick of feeling like the bad guy when I've done nothing to put myself in this situation.

I'm so fucking angry, I cancelled my window cleaner and really cheap gym membership last week to order sky as we get NO tv signal here and the kids were bored because daddy has 3d, hd, full sky package etc.

He's just sent a text saying "kids tell me you've gotten sky, maybe that's why you have no money"

Arghhhhhhhhhh

sorry but if i was you and my kids said it's boring here when we going to daddy's i'd tell them if it's so boring then go live with daddy full time,i just couldn't listen to that,i'd be fuming,really sorry for you op,sounds plop x

Pantone - I would feel the same hun initially.
Maybe when the children get a bit older you can get a job even if you go part time for treat money or would it not be worth it?
I think you should be honest with him and not actually ask for more money but just say - you wish your circumstances were different and you had more money to treat the children. If he is making digs that is mean and I would point that out and say it is upsetting as you wish the situation was different.
Does he want you back or is he still with OW or would you not want to anyway?
It's a good lesson for the children that they can't have everything hun and that your love is more important - they are only young but I am sure when they get older they will see this.
You can only make the most of your situation and I am sure you will do as time goes on - try to just concentrate on you.
I am not sure my DS would have been excited about dinner and jet ski and 4 or 2 - it is mainly the 7 year old? as I have noticed my DS getting more material now he is a bit older and I am trying to curb it (not easy).

Pantone - I felt the same as you just a few years ago - my ex and I share care of DD (now 11) 50:50, but he still delivers the whole DisneyDad experience - including holidays to Disneyland, no chores to do, expensive gifts (that she is told she is not allowed to bring here), eating out, TV and consoles in her room etc etc., whereas I was made redundant and am struggling to build up my own business just to pay the bills (the TV went months ago ).

DD was, up until about 6 months ago, seduced by her Dads lifestyle, and given the choice, I'm sure she would have jumped ship and gone to live with him full time.

But, as she has got older, and particularly over the last 6 months, she has begun to see that the lavish lifestyle that she has with him is not unconditional, and she can no longer be bought by such extravagance. She is not happy with his emotional manipulation and struggles with his demeanour and behaviour.

Stick to your principles - encourage your DC's to appreciate the benefits of a less-materialistic lifestyle, and if you show them that you are happy and relaxed despite the lack of material things, then they will begin to appreciate that riches are not necessary in order to live a fulfilled life.

Yes, they are young, so they inevitably going to be attracted to "stuff" - but stay strong, try not to react to their natural favouritism of their Dad, remember at the back of your mind that he has bought it (but never say that to them) and as they get older, they will appreciate the grounding they have learnt from you.

Notadisney......we share custody too. He has them every day for dinner, gets them ready for bed and then they come home.

They LOVE jet skiing, we went all the time before :(

I wouldn't have him back at all. But it's really difficult seeing his new life everyday.

I hope they do see that I am 'attention' rich soon. I can see why it's difficult for them, picnics are fun, but not so much fun as the new pool at daddy's.

So he doesn't have them overnight?

Friday nights until sat lunch time, then Sunday night again.

Kids came home v excited because they're all off to Drayton manor this weekend. I don't begrudge them the fun at all. I do begrudge the differences it highlights in our lifestyles though