Can you come and help please? Problems with DD

[MsBakingCakes]

Long time since I have not post here. Things have been going very well for us lately but after last time DD has been with her father everything has gone mad again.

We live with DP and we have had good and bad days but since she has been back (just over a week now) she is being really horrible to DP, she is talking with very bad manners to both of us and when she starts a little tantrum and she doesn't get what she wants she starts telling me that she miss her daddy and wants her daddy. I always offer her to call her daddy so she can talk to him and she shouts NO. I am not sure if she is doing this on purpose or she really feels like this. She won't say anything like this unless she is having a tantrum.

Before she went on Holiday with her dad she loved playing with DP, was asking him for help to do things and so on. Now she won't let him to talk to her and won't accept anything from him even if she has asked for water to me and it is him who is giving it to her.

Any ideas please?

Thanks

How old is she? Where you can I would ignore it. Also, have dp back off a bit - you may find she wants his attention when she's not getting it!!!

Hi RedHelen B,

DD is 3 years old. DP has backed completely off so I am not sure if it is about gtting his attention.

I think that DD using "I want my daddy" and "I miss my daddy" as a bit of blackmail if you know what I mean as she does not say these things when she is getting her way.

Any ideas how to deal with this? We are a bit desperate at the moment as her behaviour has been very bad

Love, reassurance and don't worry.

It sounds as though her 'I want Daddy' cries are really wounding you and she can probably see that. Try and let it roll over you but don't let discipline slip. Follow through and keep things constant for her. I think that all kids need to know where the boundaries are so it's up to you two to set them for her and reinforce them.

Best of luck xx

Thanks. Her dad and us have completely different way of parenting and this time she went for two weeks. The longest she had been away before has been 10 days so I am guessing that she may be a bit confuse.

I guess extra pacience and see what happens. What all of you do in this situation? Any experiences welcome

How are your parenting styles different?
2 weeks seems a very long time for her to be away from you. Se's very little still. Sounds like she found that difficult. I bet she really missed you. Maybe she's angry with you underneath for allowing her to be away from you for so long. I would guess it's all about needing lots of cuddles and reassurance from you that you are there for her.
My two are without doubt trickier after a long time away. They are much more emotional/ prone to tantrums. After a few days they calm down and we get back to normal. It's something I find difficult about the holidays.

PS - as far as what do I do with them when they are like that..... use lots and lots of patience. I used to feel I needed to cram their time with stuff, but I've realised that after a longer time away they actually need more time to potter about with toys and relax at home. DD especially takes herself off to her room (she actually said "peace at last" the last time she came home and went to her room for an hour!!)
They're away this week.... so I'll see how they are when they come back this weekend. (Can't wait to see them! :-) )
Good luck with your DD. Don't take it personally - she really will be crying out for your love, and be feeling mixed up about everything. She's too little to handle that except in the way she is doing.

I do think you shouldn't read to much into this. 2 weeks is a long time and I'm sure she is a all over the place because her routines have been altered or probably there have been no routines at all, so it is about getting her back to the old routines and behaviour standards even if you would have to endure some challenging few days to get her back to where she was.

As for being rude to DP... I would put a stop at that straight away, the fact that she is a 'stepdaughter' doesn't give her the right to treat an adult like that.

Thanks Magic House. I think you are completely right. It is the first time she has been away for so long.

Today we seem to be back to more normal behaviour. DD has been in the playgroung with DP and both of them have had a fantastic day. We also went for a picnic today and DD asked DP to help her do a lot of things. She even said that DP is her best friend .

I know ExP talks really badly about DP in front of DD. We will see how things gor from here. The good thing today is that in the plaground a boy talked to DD in a very rude manner and DD didn't like it so it really helped to explain her that we don't like it when she does it to us

Thanks for your experiences, it really helps

Glad things are better today.

I'm pretty sure my ex used to badmouth me in front of the children. (Judging by what my two year old used to come out with sometimes :-$)

My DD used to find that very difficult at first as it really divided her loyalties, and she wasn't sure how to behave towards me. It's really calmed down now though, in that she's pretty secure about how I feel about her, and how she can relax and be herself here at home. I think as long as you and your partner are consistent/ positive and caring with her she'll calm down, and as she gets older she'll realise that another person's opinion is just that, and she can make her own mind up :-)

It is difficult sometimes when they come back, isn't MagicHouse?

Things back to normal now . DD even tol DP last night that she loved him . DP was very happy.

They are both playing together at the moment and enjoying each other which it is fatastic to see. They have a lot of fun together.

I really hope that DD will learn that there are two different house with two different rules soon. At least this time round she has not came back with an obsesion to clean her hands all the time which is nice. She has even played with mud with no fuss and enjoying it . Not sure if the washingmachine will be that happy.

Thanks again.