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Original poster

ex not giving prescribed meds

11 replies

sarahseashell · 24/07/2012 19:06

bit of background: EA ex left me about 4 yrs ago for OW. I've tried very hard to maintain a relationship for dcs sake and this can be hard at times as he has outbursts of being quite nasty, and then will be fine for a while and so on.
He just took dcs on holiday and didn't give dd some asthma medication she needs daily. While there he was being quite horrible to me by text, taunting me about the children going in big pool etc (they're only very beginners at swimming and I'd asked him not to overdo swimming, esp as their first time abroad with him)
I was really cross when I found out he'd not given her this tablet for 4 or 5 days, he then said she was 'fine with him' and it's me that's the cause of her asthma Confused He's been doing this sort of thing a lot and seems for some reason to think that her asthma is a figment of my imagination (he won't attend any docs/consultants appt, he's not done the trips to a&e etc)

Anyhow, I'm thinking about how I'm going to deal with this going forward so it's a bit of a WWYD as well as a general vent/grumble
thanks, I feel quite low about it, he seems to be more unpleasant to me just now since he got involved in a new long term relationship just recently

OP posts:
queenofthepirates · 24/07/2012 21:34

I think you need to stand your ground here, what he's doing is dangerous and irresponsible parenting.

Your first stop needs to be your GP to ask for clarification (in writing if possible) as to what happens if you DD doesn't take her meds. I would forward this onto him with a letter asking him kindly to ensure she is given them as per the GP's directions.

If he still refuses, I think that your only option is to call social services and advise them he is potentially harming your child. Sounds radical but you don't get second chances with a child's life and desperate measures may well be necessary to ensure your child is looked after properly in his care.

Naturally his taunting emails shouldn't be replied to, sounds unpleasant and you had a lucky escape my love x

Happylander · 24/07/2012 21:34

You could contact social services as this could be considered serious neglect. I know we have to get SS involved when parents refuse to allow us to give their child pain relief or other meds

Sassybeast · 24/07/2012 22:12

Get a letter from her GP/Consultant regarding the indications and dosages for her medications.

Then take that letter to a solicitor and get them to spell out to your ex in no uncertain terms that unless he gives his full and explicit agreement to administer her medications safely, he will NOT be seeing his children.

What a fucking idiot - does he KNOW how dangerous uncontrolled asthma is ? Angry

Original poster
sarahseashell · 24/07/2012 22:35

Thanks everyone, it really has helped.

I've told him it's potentially fatal if uncontrolled and he just ignores me Angry Normally he only has dcs for 24 hours max so I can give dd that particular tablet. It's not just the tablet though actually it's the whole dickhead behaviour around this issue. On several occasions I've had to ring him from a&e and he just doesn't answer the phone 'out of hours' so to speak. He hasn't come to any appointments or taken any sort of notice of it at all. It's like if he just ignores it it doesn't exist.

dd is seeing a consultant and I'm going to ask him to write letter as first port of call and keep copies for my solicitor in case I need to go down that route. I shall then make it clear that if he does not now agree to give all meds as specified I'll be contacting social services. I'm grateful for that info as didn't realise they'd be able to help out.

OP posts:
jumpy2012 · 25/07/2012 07:25

Sounds like a good plan Sarah. He is putting your child's life at risk.

Sirzy · 25/07/2012 07:32

How old is she? Would she be able to take responsibilty for taking it herself? Did he make sure inhalers were always at hand to?

Ds is asthmatic and on the same medication I think and I simply wouldn't let him go out with someone who wasn't willing to take it seriously. His condition changes so fast it simply isn't worth it.

I would keep the texts he sent you incase you need to prove what he has been saying

Pedigree · 25/07/2012 19:38

Ok, you have two responsibilities here: to facilitate contact and to protect your DD. the later trumps the first one.

Talk to your Gp, they will give you some pointers about how to proceed, AND stop overnight contact until you are fully reasured that he will continue to use the medicines in your absence.

Yeah, he will kick up a fuss, but your DD's health comes first.

Original poster
sarahseashell · 25/07/2012 21:01

you lot are brilliant Thanks thankyou

All your replies really gave me the confidence to take some steps with this knowing my ground a bit more. I've spoken to GP and I've told him GP will have a meeting with him if he has concerns but it will be a social services matter if dd doesn't get meds. I'm also forwarding some written info eg stuff from internet about the meds, not giving them etc. Have put it all in writing. Have had a positive response already that he will give them in future and I think it's clear to him that I mean what I say.

Dd is old enough with a good memory and I'll get her to remind him also, normally its not a problem cos I give her them, its just when they stay with him in school hols and there's one stay to go.

Exh is definitely trying to rile me and I realised his I'm imagining it Confused type script is as he was when married and I was imagining his affair Hmm etc and therefore am just going to ignore all that shit/post on here.

thanks again everyone has been so supportive and I really appreciate it

OP posts:
WildWorld2004 · 25/07/2012 22:25

Id really think about stopping contact until he realises how much danger hes putting his dd in. What would he have done if something had happened to her? Say you were imagining that too. I dont think you can take the risk.

Lookingatclouds · 26/07/2012 13:56

Well done sarahseashell. Sounds like you've handled this perfectly.

Men like this start to flail around when they realise that they are no longer able to control you, and my experience with my xh is that he backs off when I do actually take some action and make it clear that I will not accept his behaviour. I think mine got so used to being able to press my buttons that he has absolutely no idea what to do now he can no longer do that.

Theas18 · 26/07/2012 14:06

How old is your dd? I bet she's old enough to be in charge of her medication ( the risk of her taking it wrongly being minimal vs the risk of her not getting it ?)

The only buggeration factor here is that she is likely to be fine abroad - my eldest has less asthma trouble now- but when she was primary age just leaving our city improved it and a week or more abroad "cured" it. Even now it better at uni and worse at home. Pollution seems to be a bit issue for her.

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