struggling with my life !

[mummymcphee]

i have a lovely 10 month old dd. Her father has never been to see her despite living across the road. I gave up trying to get him involved in her life 3 months ago and cut all contact. A few weeks ago my exp's girlfriend contacted me via facebook. She wanted to meet me. I met her and she wanted to hear the details of an assault by him against me as the same thing has happened to her. She also wanted to know if I have slept with my ex. i got no info on why he hasn't seen his dd She has gone back to him which feels weird as I left him to see if he would get help and he ran off with her and they are back to posting happy family photos on facebook. They are back to ignoring me in the street.

I cannot move house for financial and practical reasons but I feel like I am losing my grip on reality. Is there any way I can move this situation forward. I am planning my dd's first birthday and my family have told me the adult thing to do would be to invite her father, his gf and siblings. This is so when she asks her dad when she is older where he was he can't claim I froze him out. I just feel it is opening up an old wound which never gets to heal. I would prefer to ignore them all. What would you do ?

What you want. Yes, be civil to them both but you don't have to be in their company if it spoils your life.

I personally wouldn't invite them to a family party under the circumstances you have described.

The way I see it, your first responsibility is to your daughter - it's a special day for you both, so I'd just do what you think she will enjoy.

Close second, you should definitely do what will keep you sane because you are her primary carer and need to be coping with life so that you can be the best mummy possible for her.

Thirdly (or even some way further down the list), you do have a responsibility to allow your ex the opportunity to be a father to his DD, I imagine this is what your family is arguing you should do. If they pressure you on the party topic why not say to them (and him, if you think it is worth it) that if he wants to do something with her he is free to make his own arrangements with you.

That way, if he chooses not to take you up on this, it's his loss. But giving him the opportunity to see her and do something that she will like/appreciate in years to come (after all, she's one - she won't remember or give a fig really now) doesn't mean you have to include him in your own special events/plans for your DD. If he wanted to mark her birthday and see her, and asks to do so, you can facilitate that without ruining your own celebrations being anxious and upset yourself.