have said no, am i being unreasonable?

[lowercase]

xp is both inconsistent and unreliable wrt DS (3.5)
in fact, i can RELY on him to be unreliable.
around half the time we arrange something there is a problem, cancelling and lateness.

today he calls to inform me, after no contact for 9 days (but one text saying 'not coming, got work') that they are going to cornwall with friends, 4 hours drive, this weekend.

he has history of neglecting to use car seat (in 'friends' cars)

i dont think he is prudent enough, ds said daddy lost him their last outing, which he admitted, but said ds ran off for a few minutes.

i have said that i dont want him to go, apparently i am raising a mummys boy.

i am now sitting here wondering if it is actually my 'right' to enforce this kind of ban!

No, it's not your 'right' to enforce where he takes his son.

Let him pick him up from your house, strap him into the car yourself, explain to him how the seat works, give your son a kiss, wave him off and enjoy your day of peace.

In the circumstances I would say no too, unless the 4 days is his usual contact? If not he cannot just demand it when he wants and expect you to accept it.

gosh, there is no 'usual' contact...i think i need to see a solicitor really and get some structure with it, be fore i go nuts all our sakes.

well if there is no consistent contact then I would say no if you feel that ot is the best interests of ds not to go. He cannot just tell you thats what is happening, ds needs him to be reliable and have a consistent time of seeing him so they can develop a relationship, I keep telling my ex this but he cba with my dd!

im going to source a solicitor this weekend.

cant keep accommodating this crap...we all need to know where we stand...

thanks all

A solicitor will probably suggest mediation as a way of sorting contact. My ex dragged it through court by telling his solicitor that I was denying him contact when in reality he didn't turn up!! Hope you get things sorted.

I think you're well within your rights to say no to this. If he was that keen to see his son, he'd have asked you well in advance.
I have a similar situation with my ExP & would not let him take DD away alone. DD has ataxia & struggles with walking, he took her out to see the olympic torch relay a few weeks ago - Her hearing aids were turned off & he didn't notice & he refused to hold her hand so she couldn't walk properly. Have now told him he's not to take her out on his own at all. And contact will take place at his parents house.