Need tips from RP who dont get on with NRP please

[worriedwretch]

After my thread in Legal - I need tips to help me cope with having to be in the same Venue as my violent and abusive EX for the sake of our child (at school functions)

I'm pregnant and feeling very vulnerable

Thank you :)

Sorry I can't be of much help :( Just offering support.

My ex was never physically abusive but was not a pleasant man IYKWIM.

We do contact in a contact centre, but as DS is only two we dont have school etc to attend toegther yet.

I have no idea what I will do when we do. I insist in court to never have contact with him presently. Can you not share/divide the meetings so you dont have to go together?

I used to find hand overs etc very difficult at first with my bullying and controlling ex, but things have got easier

One thing I did realise about ex - and maybe it's the same for your ex, is that a controlling nature hides an extremely low self esteem. So the fact that you are in a happy relationship and pregnant will be very difficult for him to handle. If he reacts badly, it will be because he's angry and jealous that you have moved on. I think what I'm saying is that you need to try to realise that you are in a strong position, so keep your head up. Be unemotional, concise and assertive about how you feel. My ex never fails to back down if I am politely assertive - he used to love it if I lost my cool - it was all confirmation of what a "hysterical woman" I was. I don't think he really knows how to handle it now that I never really react with much emotion.

Just be very brief with him at your school sports. Ignore him. Go with or meet a friend there. If he approaches you, walk off. If he insists, calmly ask him to email you. If he says you're being rude not talking, look him right in the eye and repeat your request to email you. Don't respond to him. Tell yourself that you have moved on. If he ever does anything to frighten you then do go to the police and log it. And let him know.

Congratulations for your pregnancy and finding/having a happy second chance with someone new. That's amazing - and all credit to you. Be proud of yourself.

Thank you. Thank you :)

He is just like you say - very low self esteem & has a huge front or bravado and arrogance.

He's a charmer though. That's what scares me most. That people never beleived me and always took his word as the truth.

I can totally understand what you mean about not loosing your cool & remaining calm. I shall try my best to not glare at him!!

Oh god the horror if he brings his partner and their litter of children

Jesus!!

haven't seen your other thread but I wouldn't, not for anything, be in the same place as my husband - I don't know what would happen if either of our children ever got married - all contact was through third parties, initially PALS and then family/friends

feel sick just imagining it

what school functions might you both have to attend? you can arrange separate, private parent's evening type meetings and plays/concerts often have more than one performance to choose from - I suppose that just leaves sports days?

sorry not PALS, PACT

PALS are nhs thing aren't they?

My ex is a charmer too, I know how you feel. Everyone automatically takes their word because they charm them into believing their story and you end up looking like an irrational woman!

I agree with Alameda. Try and keep everything separate. There is no need or benefit for you to be around him.

i would never under any circumstance be in the same place at the same time and i would obtain a non mol to make sure i wasnt

I wouldn't worry about what other people believe/ don't believe. First because you really don't know what other people are thinking, and second because often people sense things just from your reactions/ behaviour that all is not well/ as it seems. However much of a charmer he is - they will realise somewhere inside that your reactions to him haven't just come from nowhere.

It's just a case of you know the truth, the people that matter know the truth, and that's all that is important.

Any last min
Tips to keep me calm would be greatly received

If he is violent and abusive you don't have to consent to anything. All contact with my ex is through solicitors and I have a non mol. He is able to contact nursery for updates and that's all he gets. I too an anxious about school stuff but I doubt he will plan his life around them - I think it's more important that I go to everything

Well he didn't turn up!!

Phew! Bet that was a relief!

Whenever i have the 'pleasure' of being in the same room as my ex i look at him & feel sorry for him while i hold my head high.

Although he left me & i didnt want the marriage to end. I am now happy & hes not.

OP hold your head high & feel happy that u are no longer with him.