Ignoring process

[avenueone]

I have posted a bit about this before on another thread but the situation has changed.
My ex has never seen my DS and after over 6 years decided to get in touch by leaving a present on the door step with a note to his son love Dad - see you soon. My DS was distressed but I agreed that it would be best for him to start contact but through the proper channels as I know nothing about this person anymore, he does not live near me and there were drug isses and agression which resulted in our break up when I was pregnant.
Despite him having got a solicitor he is refusing to accept the process that has to be gone through, I can only speculate but maybe now he knows what that is - he doesn't want to wait, doesn't want to speak to CAFCASS and does not want to have set contact days as even when my door was always open he himself refused to have any official' contact with anyone offical' IYGWIM. He is contacting me directly again and via a friend of his I think (or he is following me), has found out places I take my DS and is threatening to turn up there.
I have informed the police and they have been great - my sol. has written to his and said this is not child centred and the issue must be dealt with appropriatley. Drugs and agression aside - I feel my DS needs to have the contact made securley and slowly. My DS does not know him, or anyone he knows and he lives in another village about 40 miles away.
I live in fear now every day that he will just `be there' and the impact that will have on my DS. It isn't helping me hold down my job either - that which has soley supported by DS all his life.
He feels (always has) he has the right to do whatever he wishes, when and where and I just hope he doesn't ignore the police and his sol. again. He didn't react well to the police. If I do end up face to face with him (for the first time in years) I just don't know what the best things is to say - I thought maybe just that is is already going through a legal process and that is how it has to stay - but then I also have to say something to my DS. Your advice would be appreciated.

Do you have a mutual friend that could explain gentle to him if you go slowly the process is more likely to be successful,

and many sympathies to you, it is hard, and pre thinking out your responses is sensible.

Thank you for the reply.
Sadly I don't know anyone he knows apart from one person who I think is feeding him the information and we are not friends.

Ok, do'n't worry so much about the effect on your child. He doesn't know his dad and is unlikely to recognise him if bumping eith him on the street. Your child is reacting to your reactions, keep your reaction under control and he might not even notice. Don't pass him any communication/gift from dad until the time us right: when you have agreed that contact is going to take place, how, when and if so, how often.

He doesn't want to go through the legal process which is incidentally the only way he can force you to agree to contact, and possibly the only way to ensure your child will be safe and well cared for during contact? Though. That means he can't see his son yet.

Don't waste your money in solicitors yet, you will need it if this gets to court. In the mean time only respond to his solicitors letters if you can sed something positive could be agreed, otherwise just ignore fir what they are, menacing letters written in fancy language in behalf of your ex but which carry no legal weight. Solicitor letters do not equal you are in court already.

good advice pedigree,

do take care avenueone.

If he continues with this, then he is harassing you and stalking you, both of which are against the law and can be dealt with by taking out a non-molestation order/injunction, preventing him from coming anywhere near you. This would be available on legal aid because it's about personal safety.

You could send him a letter of your own saying that if he persists in contacting you without going through an agreed process, then this is what will happen. Make sure you stress that you have no desire to obstruct contact, but bearing in mind he's had no contact for 6 years and that there are safety issues involved due to his drug use history, due process has to be followed for the sake of your child. If all is shown to be well, you be delighted for him to form a relationship with your child.

Good luck.

Thanks so much everyone - ((())))
He has already sent me a solicitors letter but it was quite strange and asking for a DNA test to be done - he refused one via the CSA after he claimed he want the father( I agreed to take my Ds) a few years ago.
My responce was positive and explained I had spoken to CAFCASS for advice on how best to introduce my DS to him and he should take it to court and we can take it one step at a time, I also explained the DNA test situation which he may have forgotten to mention to his solicitor . They have not replied. Then I got more indirect contact inc. details of where I take my DS and him waiting to see him.
Thanks for the advice about the injunctions and the not letting DS have anymore presents - unfortunaltey I couldn't do much about the last one as my DS found it on the front door step. I need to keep strong you are right. Your replies have helped with this.

Of course you can do more about it. The fact that he finds a present at the door doesn't mean that he needs to open it himself. You can even give him the present but don't tell him who is it from and save any cards/letters for later.

Yes, though work to get to the door first, but believe me, that is NOTHING and no work at all when considering the emotional health of your child.

I take GREAT offence that the emotional health of my child is not important to me - he had found and opened it before I got there, he isn't a toddler and he can read and to be honest why should I lie - don't make out that I am the offender here.

Given his actions since - I was pleased to hear the advice not to give him any more as I has thought about it that was all.