is it wrong i hate being a mum?

[sje1000]

i hate being a mum! i have tried so hard to make it work but nothing helps! i've tried making things better i,ve tried going to college ni and bettering myself i have tried getting a job but can't, but i cant stand being a stay at home mum with my kids i dont like it and its too hard the daily grind is so fastrating does anyone feel the same or is it just me

I agree it is very hard being a single mom but I wouldn't change it for the world! I love my daughter an can't see my life without her!!

Hi OP.

I know it's difficult. I'm SAHM and a part time student. It is frustrating to be a mother, a domestic goddess and feel like a woman worthy of attention at the same time.

Why did college fail?

becausev i thoughtt by trying to better my self through education and making myself more employable so i would therefore spend less time at home so i may actually look forward to coming home seeingthe kids etc would work, got my self 2 a/s an a level an acess to h>E science then did a degree and i,m still no more employable then the next person because there are just so mch competion for all jobs, manage to get a temp job before xmas but it damn near killed me working 45 hr and then doing kids stuff on top then got a job i liked and basically they just took me for a ride and i,m right back to square one

As a short term solution what about trying to get some voluntary work to get you out of the house? Also shows that while you are looking for more suitable work you were out there doing something, it gives you something else for your resume too.

Agree with superglumfairy. Voluntary could also lead you to a job.

i,ve done that last year while i still had childcare funding from the degree, but i cant do it now because i cant afford to pay for child care and my youngist cant start nursery untill april next year due to funding, but when he does if i havent got a job by then that was what i was planning on doing

i can sympathise,i find it very difficult too,my two youngest sons wear me out!! one always wants to go out,the other wants to stay home,we live in a flat so no option to play in the garden etc...they are at school now so alot easier but the holidays are going to be a challenge!

i am looking for work,i would love to have a job and then feel refreshed and more fullfillied and able to enjoy the kids when i get home...have been unsuccessful so far though,mainly due to my flexability,i can't find childcare for Saturdays for my two youngest.

Don't feel bad about how you feel about being a mum,you are being honest,i really hope things improve for you.

thanks legohouse and every one else for your suggestions and help, i'm new on here so dont know most the shorthand yet, so if you could explain as you go lol, any other advice which may help in the short term like day to day things to get me by till things change

Hiya

I really sympathise. I feel it, especially when my little on e is having his tantrums or when I'm feeling run down as I do at the moment. I'm lucky enough to be working, but like you said, juggling work and kids can be hard.

Things that work for me, some me time. Do you have a friend who can help you once every few months so you can take a day off?
Do you do something fun together, eg painting, run in the park. Just to take the edge off. I organise play dates, as I enjoy the company chatting to other mums.
Do you have a local childrens centre.
We're all different, so not sure what you enjoy. I've started to give myself hobbies, eg cooking or doing up the flat, so that I don't feel that I don't have anything to look forward to. So, if you like doing your nails or anything simple, jst to take the edge off the week, so you have something to look forward to.

Goodluck. I know we love our kids, but sometimes we just wish we had some help.

Sounds like it's not really practical to be thinking of something until next April then?

As a lp I think you have to be your own encourager of yourself as a parent. One thing that helped me was to write down the 5 most important things to me as a parent eg getting DC to bed on time, eating well, staying calm with DCs, teaching manners and imposing discipline. A good day was when I achieved some or all of those things and I patted myself on the back. When I felt like I was doing a decent job I felt much happier.

The other thing I learnt was to relax a bit more and try to find little things during the day to enjoy eg going for nice walk, 10 mins peace and a cuppa sort of thing. Trying to appreciate some part of the day. And trying to really talk and listen to Dc I found relaxed them too.

Remember this stage won't last forever.

thanks, i may try to 5 points, see if that helps, it doesnt really help that i,m not a girly girl, i'm not worried about getting my hair or nails done, and dont really enjoy the baby groups, i find them to mummsy for lack of a better word, i have got friends but most do not have children and well their working or busy most of the time, but they do try to help when they can.

another thing is my eldest d whos 9 and a half hates her brother d whos nearly 2 and a half i think its because it was just me andher for so long and now she has to share a room and well you all now what boys are like at that age but little d is also not a keen sleeper and has been very difficult since day 1, but that actually manage to argue with each other constantly when their together some how even thou he doesnt talk

i have still got him on the list for the local nursery to start full time in sept but now i just have to work ot how i will pay for it too everything is such a nightmare at the moment

Just to let you know some volunteer placements come with expenses like childcare funded.

I'm a pregnant wheelchair user (oh the barriers) and I managed to find a volunteer placement with training that is very interested in taking me on. Training will be in January and there is even some volunteering I can do that I will be abel to take the baby with me to as well as funding for accessible taxi's and childcare later on. I may just be incredibly lucky but this is the site I found the placement from, worth a search to see what's out there maybe

www.do-it.org.uk/

Hope you feel better soon, I have all this to come yet so I maybe being totally overly optemistic

thanks a whole heap, it mustnt be easy for you and i hope it all goes well with the new arrival,, sounds like a good little place you have found yourself there, i will take a look in the morning, you never know it may all go to plan! it happens sometimes

I used to hate taking my daughter to a stay & play group once a week for 1hr 1/2. I was the only young mum there. All the other mums were older than me & had their own little group to stick to. Once my daughter turned 3 & started 2.5 hours at nursery 5 days a week I made new friends that were mums. Now my closest friends are mums, yes they're all older than me but they don't treat me differently. Best part, they've all been a single mum at somepoint or are now. Don't rule it all out. Give it a chance.

i went to group with my eldest and like you said just ended up sitting in a corner and tried a couple of different groups, i ,ve done the same with the boy and its just not worth it, people are hardly very socail where i live and if you not in the click thats it, i just dont see the point,

Thanks sje, I'm really hoping it pans out I really hope you can find something that gives you whatever else it is you need/want - sometimes it just feels like there are so many things holding us back (which is how I felt and the only reason I mentioned the pregnancy and the wheelchair) and it takes one amazing opportunity to cut through it all. Good Luck.