Strongly dislike DDs smell when she comes back from Dads.

[Singleandproud]

At the moment my DD who is nearly 3 spends 9 hours a couple of times a week with her dad she goes in clean fresh clothes and normally a quick bath before hand but whenever she comes back even after just a few hours she smells musty and damp. A similar smell if you left washing in the machine too long. When she comes back I have to bathe her and wash her hair so she smells 'normal' again otherwise I find it really hard to cuddle her again etc although I try not to show that it bothers me.

Now I know her dads place isn't the greatest as he has said himself, metal single glazed windows etc doesnt have a washing machine so damp is probably an issue. He was always clean and grommed when we were together and appears to be now so I'm asuming its an issue with his property.

However, it got me thinking whether this might be a psycological affect I mean we are mammals after all and some mammals are known to reject their young if they have the 'wrong' smell so I wonder if it was a similar animalistic affect of our situation making me more sensitive to an unpleasant smell, linking it to him etc.

I was just curious whether anyone else had any experience of this.

You're probably reading too much into it.
I have friends whose house presumably has damp problems. Oddly enough when I'm there I don't really notice anything, but after I've been staying there, when I'm home I notice all our clothes have a really obvious and unpleasant damp smell about them. You wouldn't know from being in the house there was a problem either - you can' t see anything or smell anything when you're there.
As it's a good friend's house I don't really think much about it, but I can imagine if my children came home from their dad's with the smell I would really dislike it and worry (our split wasn't very pleasant). So I think there's probably something in what you're saying! Having said that, I don't think anything would make it difficult to cuddle my kids though, so maybe you need a bit of support to deal with the split if you feel that strongly.

I have the same problem. My DS is 10, and he stays at his dads 1-2 times a week. Ex lives with his parents.

When DS comes home he always smells strange. And I don't like it. He used to have a strange smell when he was younger after being at the childminders all day. Not horrible, but I just didn't like it. Read in to that what you will!

@TheDetective was it a strange smell or just a different smell. Im just curious as maybe you are used to your DC smelling a certain way n when they come home they smell different.

OP have you asked your ex about the smell, maybe he is having problems with his house. Or maybe he doesnt realise it smells as he lives there & is used to it.

Different, I just knew I didn't like it because my boy smelt different!

@TheDetective i can understand that coz he wont smell like yours. And that can b a bit off putting. I had that with my dd wen she was younger & went to visit her grandparents. Took days to get her smell back.

I know where you're coming from - my ex wears really strong and unpleasant aftershave and dcs come home smelling very strongly of it, takes about a day for it to wear off

Magic House: I think I might have been overly dramatic trying to word my post properly. I dont find it hard to cuddle my DD for cuddles sake but just because she smells unpleasant she always gets one (or two or three) when she gets home.

AKE2012: As for talking to my ex it will be my fault. My fault that I ruined his life by continuing with the pregnancy, my fault that he cant afford a better property, my fault that he owes several hundred pounds in arrears with the CSA who have just sent him a warning letter that he is going to get a detachment of earnings. In fact he hasn't uttered a word to me in 3 weeks because of his CSA warning letter no matter how pleasant I try to be when he picks and drops her off.

It seems that lots of us have experienced something similar.

I have the same thing when my dd (6) comes back from her dad's. She doesn't smell bad, just different! And I was the same when she came back from the childminders, her childminder was sooo lovely as well. I thought I was going nuts, I thought it was a primal thing as well.

Now, just to add to the theory - when I was about 5 months pregnant, I went to see my friend who had just given birth, about a week or so earlier. I cuddled her baby and made all the right noises but I actually found the infant repellent and she too, 'smelled funny'. I think there must be something in your theory but as thinking mammals, we talk ourselves out of it. Either that or we're all a bit weird....

I just established a bath-time routine for when dd came home and of course I fussed and cuddled her when I saw her (without pulling faces!!)

I kind of get the smell thing. When DS comes back from his dads he always smells like chip fat, and I hate it. It bothers me, but it doesn't affect how I am with DS. However, if we are going out I do change his clothes as I think if I can smell it other people must be able to as well!

My DD comes back everytime with hairspray in her hair even though I have asked her SM not to (because then I have to rewash her hair a day early.)

But sometimes the hairspray is covering the smell of smoke. Her GM smokes (again I have asked for this not to happen but maybe it just comes from being in the house at all). Its sooo disgusting.

I don't like my children smelling of school (completely inoffensive smell, just not theirs) So I do think it is a mammal thing! If I was a cat I would probably lick them thoughroughly.

I think in your case op it's just a different smell. I remember even now the smell of my cousins...and it wasn't unpleasant really. When I stayed at their house I could smell it, when they gave me their cast offs I could smell it...like a cooked food smell and a bit greasy even. But they weren't dirty or unhealthy! My nan's house smelt different too and she was a clean freak...there's no way anyone would ever have seen a speck of dust or a single crumb on her carpet

It took me a long time to stop caring that DS came home from nursery smelling different to how he does at home, I HATED it, its a instinctive illogical thing. I thnk its quite natural, it made me feel fierce and wildly emotional at first!

My DD comes home every saturday smelling of fried bacon, it makes me want to barf and I do have a tendency to change her.

When I was with my ex he had the damp smell because he wouldnt use a tumble dryer and put everything on the radiators - but didnt turn them on!! phew it was like a sour smell (should of realised then) Also, he has a golden retriever and had 3" of dog hair EVERYWHERE even in his car!

Luckily he lives with his mum now so its a bit better, but his car isnt and I dread it when he eventually takes her out, I have tried to ask him to clean the car out and explained that her immune system isnt so good while she is so little (she was 4mnths at the time) and when she is a year old he would not have to be so vigilant, after all he is a farm labourer and she will be up to her neck in goodness knows what before long argghh!!!!!!

This has all reassured me no end that myself and my family aren't just strange! I hate the smell of my dd when she comes back from the childminder and put her in the bath immediately. Told my mom about it and she said she used to do same with me when I returned from my grans as a child. Maybe we're all more animalistic than we think!

I definitely used to feel that way about DD when she was younger and going to her dads. In fact I can remember the smell now that I think of it.

Now that she is a bit older, I think she has more of her own unique smell and that seems to remain with her.

I think it helps that I also wash all her clothes now, so I suppose she has the smell of "my" washing...

I have this too. My children smell wrong when they come back from him. I've got used to it on them, and just bathe them that night but i find the snell lingers on their clothes.
To the extent that if xh gives me clothes that he has washed while the children are with him, I put them straight in the washing machine at mine as they smell 'wrong'!

These posts have helped me understand something that has bothered me for ages!

My DSC are really reluctant to allow their clothes from their Mums to be washed at our house - my DSD even hid a pair of period-soiled jeans in her room because she thought her mum would be cross if they were put in with our laundry!

Its only now I've realised that it might be the smell that bothers their Mum - not sure what we can do about it, though

I never comment to to the dc about the smell. I know it's an odd thing.
Bizarrely, my mum has said the same thing about them smelling 'wrong'! Is it just a female thing? Or I wonder if xh hates how they smell when they go to him from me...