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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Do you ever feel that you'll end up on your own?

18 replies

Lovemy3kids · 11/07/2012 22:08

I feel like this daily....left H over 10 months ago, he's had a string of GF's and has completely moved on, divorce is going through as I type, but as I am bringing up our 3 kids with limited input from ex, I only go out every other weekend and feel that no-one is going to want a 40 something woman with 3 young kids. I know I am lucky enough to get every other weekend free, but I just don't know where to meet someone new. Have tried Internet dating and nothing there, and most of the men in pubs are either a lot older or a lot younger than me! Will I ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with?!?

OP posts:

OhTheConfusion · 11/07/2012 22:21

Yes you wll, and you are not alone in feeling the way you do.
I will send you a message with my story... the up's, down's and happy ending along with tips on how it all happened.

If I wrote it here I would be aswell signing of 'Mrs such and such' as it would out me rather easily!

Socknickingpixie · 11/07/2012 22:24

i often feel like that but tbh i dont much care,im a bit fed up with blokes now. but if its a concern to you why dont you try other places not drinking venues places where you might find single dads as im guessing they wouldnt have a problem with a woman with kids.

another way to look at it is why would you want to be with anyone who wouldnt want you those are the ones that are twats.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 11/07/2012 22:31

Thanks ohtheconfusion I look forward to reading that :)

There aren't places like that to go to socknickinpixie where I live....my kids aren't young (well 14, 10, 7), and when I have them during the week and the weekends, I am running them to and from their after school/weekend activities....I also work full time so it's not easy meeting new people. I would never want to be with anyone who didn't accept my children...they want me they take my kids too! I don't know, I suppose a part of me is jealous of my ex as he's so easily moved on and found someone new and I feel that I'm just never going to meet anyone. Sad really aren't I...lol! xx

OP posts:

lowercase · 12/07/2012 17:39

sounds like your ex is going for the comfort and not really addressing anything.
running from one woman to the next.
hasnt really moved on, just moving around / down...

you, on the other hand are considering your children, raising them almost single handed, will prob meet someone long lasting and suitable, dignity, morals and self respect still in tact, have credibility where your children / others are concerned.

i trust i will meet someone, when the time is right, but for now my priority is raising my children in the best way i know...as time is going on the barre is getting higher and higher...im happier than i ever have been, a man would have to bring something very special to us for me to change my set up.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 12/07/2012 18:53

I think that he is too lowercase, and I know his new GF is very insecure where he is concerned as she knows EVERYTHING about his past (which is not good believe me!). It would have to be some one very special who could break down all the barriers I've built because of me ex, and everyone keeps telling me he's out there.....I just wish he'd make himself known..lol!! Would love somebody to just to give me a big bear hug!! x

OP posts:

MissPricklePants · 12/07/2012 22:44

I feel like this!! Have been single almost 3 years, no relationship since ex. I am in my 20's and don't have time for a man (ex has minimal contact,no overnights) and I have no babysitter! so for now all I see is me being alone for a while yet!

WinstonWolf · 12/07/2012 22:50

I'm in a similar position to you MissPricklePants, but it's been six years and there is no ex in the picture at all.

Some days it bothers me more than others.

I'd rather wait ten years for the right man than jump straight into the wrong relationship.

teahouse · 13/07/2012 22:37

I have been single for over 12 years, and have not really dated for the past 6 years. Meanwhile, my xH married his OW and they have an 8 year old and been married for probably 9 years.

I have spent the past 12 years bringing up my kids, getting an education and working FT. So like most of you, no childcare as no money, and xH having minimal contact (4 days per month). It's been a hard slog and I have had to sacrifice my life to ensure my kids have had as good a childhood as I can muster. My eldest is at Uni and my youngest doing his A levels; soon they will be gone and I do worry about my future (I appear to be undatable ;o(

I have to agree with WW though. I would rather be alone than with anyone, or with the wrong one or someone I wasn't happy with (I don't understand how couples stay together and live half lives).

I wish there was more support for single parents (including single empty nesters) to help with the lonliness; there are times it can be crippling.
Good luck to you all.

Challen · 20/07/2012 11:29

My sister is in her mid 30s with three children ranging 6-18. She was single for a year then found someone and they're now happily set up home together.

I was single for three years after leaving my children's abusive father (I'm 43) and starting dating a family friend on whom I'd had a massive crush for a year. It was wonderful, but has just ended, lasting only a few months, perhaps it would have lasted longer, or forever, but he still has a very clingy ex and a lot of guilty conscience to process, so I was dropped :(

I'm incredibly upset by it, but I now have to stick to my plan, that I would not put my children through a series of boyfriends whom they grow fond of and then they vanish, so that's it for me. For good.
I definately didn't have enough sex in my lifetime and I will really miss that sharing everything with someone scenario.

Anyway, if my sister can do it, I'm sure you will.

skyebluesapphire · 21/07/2012 19:24

I feel the same, I'm 40, 4yo DD, STBXH never has her overnight (actually is tonight though, first time in four months) but all my friends are busy.

I live in a very small town, no decent men around, Internet dating seems the way to go but friend had several letdowns before meeting decent guy.

I need somebody my age with kids really as I don't want any more.

It seems like it will never happen (it is early days for me though lol) but I dread thinking about getting out there!

Meglet · 21/07/2012 20:04

yes. XP was kicked out 3.5yrs ago but there is no chance of me getting in another relationship. I barely even talk to men as I don't know any really. I can't go out as I'm with the kids all the time and XP is a bit mental so I'm scared of running into him.

It's a PITA but I want to keep the kids secure while they're little so I'm putting up with it.

DoingItForMyself · 21/07/2012 20:08

Maybe thinking about the kind of bloke you would like would help you. If you don't want someone who's out at the pub every night then meeting someone at the pub is probably a bad idea!

I'd like my next man to be creative and musical, so I plan to go out to local music venues, art classes etc and see if I can meet someone like-minded there.

Not yet of course, but when the time is right. In the meantime I will enjoy being single, enjoy being with my precious DCs and appreciate not having a twunt around to mess with my head ;-)

Happylander · 22/07/2012 08:40

I had met someone and he was lovely however, not suited to me and I just felt that I didn't want a man in my life. I just wanted to be able to do things without okaying them with someone else or thinking of yet another persons feelings tbh.

The relief when I made that decision was huge and my ex only left me 9 months ago. I am like to get and see my friends and I can do that when I please now at weekends.

I expect it was probably too early to jump into a relationship anyway but I also feel that I have enough on my plate with my 2 and half year old son let alone a bloke as we all know how fragile their sodding egos can be. Stop looking and enjoy being able to do what you like on your free weekends. Start really enjoying them and do things that you can't do with the kids around. I am lucky in the sense that I have always been independent and never needed a man so I always look forward to my time off..when the bloody ex turns up that is!

Relax 40's is the new 20's isn't it????

Snoopersparadise · 22/07/2012 10:49

Yes, def feel like that!

Ex has completely moved on, he had done that before DD was even born the bastard I have had a few "things" over the 6 years but I can't see me ever meeting anyone.

Everyone says I will but I just never get the chance. Any men I meet are the married dads of DDs friends :(

Would love to move on completely but its not gonna happen...

FionaJT · 22/07/2012 20:50

I'm 39, and have been single since pregnant with my dd, so 8 years now. I do worry about never meeting anyone again, but in my heart of hearts I know that I don't really want to at the moment.
I don't want more kids, I don't want to get involved in complex step-parent arrangements with someone elses' family, I don't want to destablise my dd's upbringing with a series of boyfriends, or settle with someone just because they are good for her.
So I'm afraid I've written the whole thing off until she's grown-up! But I have alsways been happy to be alone rather than with the wrong person.

theredhen · 23/07/2012 05:16

As a single mum who thought she had found a lovely man I can tell you I've spent two years having to put his kids and his ex issues at the forefront of my mind and my everyday life. My own ds has had to "fit in" with everyone else in our new family.

Sometimes the grass isn't greener and being on your own has its advantages.

cuteboots · 27/07/2012 13:30

can so relate to this one. Im 46 and a single mum to an 8 year old little boy. In the past Ive set myself up to meet wrong uns so moving forward this will not be happening and Id rather be on my own. I do sometimes think that I may not meet anyone but Im not that worried really.Id rather be single and happy

Blinkeyblonk · 27/07/2012 15:14

me too! Am kind of newly single with 4 yo and 2 yo. Ex would be a nightmare if I had a new partner. I struggle with being single as not much practice at it! Especially with children now!! But, the philosophy of 'you are born alone you die alone', while sounds morbid, makes sense. I believe our families friends etc are in our life for a reason, sometimes short, sometimes long..if i don't meet another partner, then I know i will still meet other valuable people in my life. You will always have people around you. Agree with the others, the two P's.. be patient and picky! x

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