Single mum and kids friends parents

[mummycare]

DOnt know where to start with this one.. I have 2 kids one special needs. dd is extremely good and socialable. all children want to play with her as she is very gentle natured. she is liked by the teachers as she is always willing to help etc but perhaps a little shy cause of her brother sn. but her friends mothers are extremely clicky, they put there back to me if i try to join in, never answer or look at me if i try. they have partys without my daughter but their kids want her to come. i really dont know what to do any more. Please note i am a single parent living in a very affluent area and small town and know this does not help but she is starting to notice things. I have asked them round to our house but the parents always say they forget or too busy but they all meet up without us. My daughter and i are really now getting upset about it please help

hi mummycare
shame on them to be honest. you are worth so much more than clicks like this. there must be some other mums that are not part of this click,( i know i wouldnt be) who you can have friendships with? This makes me very annoyed on your behalf. how old is your daughter? I hate this, it is like being at school again ourselves... how do you react when they dont answer etc? how do you come across? is it all of them that do this or just one mother in particular that is being awkward?

kep trying.
go thru every single child in dds class
and keep inviting.

if you get knocked back they not worth knowing .

also look outside eg have her join rainbows or brownies locally with maybe different sets of people. .

and join something yourself eg evening class to get to know different people.

Nasty. Just wanted to offer my support, not got any helpful tips...

xxx

There are 8 girls from the class that she plays with and its their parents. The other i do talk to but she does not play with their kids and mainly they are boys.. some go to afterschool club and some go to childminders so i am left in the play ground with not much choice from her class.

They are not worth knowing i know, but what can i do about my daughter and the fact that she is so upset. Its all of them, there is one that will talk to me but she mainly stands with them and when she is with them she barely looks at me. This lady has a son but he plays with them so he is the only boy in the 8 kid crowd that my daughter goes around with. I have been on many occassions to her house with the kids but its a boy and she wants to play with the girls. .My daughter is 7.

Today i feel really depressed about it as on Saturday afternoon there is a fete at the school and on sunday it is the boys party that is in the group and we have been invited. If we ever get an odd invite i always ask if i can stay and help and you have not heard so many mums clam together saying no no its ok we have enought people.. its truly awful.. i feel helpless for my daughter truly i do..

sorry you asked what how i react when they dont answer, i get more quieter and go into myself and become very self consious that again they are ignoring. Even when i start a conversation you should see the faces and then call out oh theres daphney (not real name) you hoo over my voice.. or turn the other direction and start talking to a passer by mum.. it really is awful..

Im so sorry, it sounds awful. Im a lone parent too but haven't encountered such reactions (DD is only 18 months though so not at school age). Not sure what to advise, maybe speak to the teacher, it's your DD that gets alienated after all. Twats.

yes i did that a parents evening and the teacher said hmmmm oh dear nodding her head in a way that she understand and agreed i do beleive that she agreed but could not say anything. I have seen these mums go up to the teachers and complain about the slightest thing.. These mums help out in the school and are well known too.

you are being bullied, plain and simple, they are like the playground mafia, people like this need pity as they must have something lacking in their life. sorry i know this is no help, but i feel so angry about this x

Gosh you are being so calm .....I think I would have to of asked them what their problem is by now!! lol It seems very unfair. Do you have a any other friends who your daughter could have play dates with their kids? Neighbours kids? Family ect. to fill the gap so she isnt feeling alone.

maybe pursue contacts with other families with children with SN.

there will be others with siblings and they are more likely to be accepting of both children.

so sorry you are having to deal with this situation...it's disgusting....I'd be puffed up and ready to ask what their ffing problem is the next time something so deliberately ignorant happened with them!!!....

I'd be saying...deliberately closely to her face and slightly loudly, 'do you have a hearing problem or are you being deliberately nasty to me for some reason?' and turn to the rest of 'them' thats involved in it and be asking why they would be a friend to someone so deliberately nasty and unfriendly for no good reason....
your children are all good friends and it matters not if they don't like you but that this nonsense needs to stop for the sake of children learning that bullies are BAD people and tolerating that should not be allowed.

I'd have to have my say and move on....let them decide how to behave from there on and explain to your DD that she will see these friends in school but can have friends outside of school too and start thinking and going to some clubs and things she will find other friendships in....it's always better to separate the two things anyway I think....a measure of both is better in the long run....

I hope you find your voice and can say something next time...it's just not right and you mustn't allow this to happen to you...call out the bullies and make them answer for their badness....

get involved with the pta and school stuff...you don't need to be their friends...you can be involved if you want to be...they shouldn't be controlling this either...and school shouldn't encourage it either....all help and parent involvement is appreciated...show them up for what they are...others will likely join you if they have felt similar, etc...you are probably not alone with this crap....change the dynamic!...fxxk them!!!

Well today, my daughter was in a play. The group did not know that she had one of the leading roles and when they saw my child had there faces were really shocked non of the mothers at all looked at me and when my daughter spoke they did not clap but everyone after came up to me and said how well my daughter had done and those mums just looked away from me. There kids were not in an important role. I do think they were jealous and today i was very proud of me and my daughter.

I also gave out cardsto their kids with my phone number and email address on the mothers gathered round their kids whilst they opened them and all read them together then the mums looked up and whishpered to each other putting their back to me. When icking the kids up after school they made a massive circle in the play ground talking to each other and i felt very uncomfortable to even go over.

Luckily the head was leaving today and when told her what had been going on she turned to me and said its my last day and to be honest would you want your kids going around with theirs if there parents are like that. The kids will grow up to be not very nice people. SHe also said that they do come into the chool and complain alot about things but perhaps they should not shout at there own kids or ignore there own kids when their kids are trying to talk to the parents.. She said we do see what goes on but we have to keep tight lipped. but it is my last day and i hope you will excuse me being so frank..

I am so pleased that she said this.. doesn't help going to the next school with them all as she is in their class. But fingers crossed she finds nicer kids to play with.. poor things :(

I agree, just hold your head up. I'm a single parent and my children go to school at quite a snooty little school. I would never have noticed this if I were happily married thoguh. SOme of the parents will not socialise with you in the evenings. It's like they have a rule carved in stone somewhere, even though, confusingly, they might seek out your company during the day! I have one dc with a sn too, but I don't think that's why I'm not allowed out to play with hughandjane, and guyandsarah and so on and so on..... it's cos I aint got no 'uzzband.

I am also thinking its a statis thing as they are very wealthy and i am not..