pregnant, scared and shocked

[saladsandwich]

i have just found out that i am 6 weeks pregnant, i have a ds who is 3, and i'm on my own.

i dont know how to tell the dad, we split a few weeks ago but tbh we weren't seeing each other much and only met him in may.... i feel very ashamed and dissappointed in myself, i was single for 2 years prior to meeting him, just a brief date earlier in the year, i was on the pill but fell pregnant last time on it due to ibs

my head is confused, how am i going to cope? tell my dad? other people? my health? my health makes pregnancy risky so scared but i just dont think i could consider an abortion but i have a ds who needs me. i'd just started picking my life up and this happens :(

so sorry.

It sounds very difficult and I don't want to make light and just say you will be ok

....just take care of you and your little one for now, be kind to yourself and work your way through the problems one at a time.

People make mistakes all the time. Who is anyone to judge you?? We are none of us perfect.

Sorry saladsandwich,have no advice but am here if you want to chat,rant or just offload.

just not sure what to do, if i tell the dad i know he will get me to keep the baby, im going to the drs tomorrow and i dont even want to tell them.

my ds as just woke up and i just think, how am i going to get by with 2 on my own? i dont want an abortion, but i dont want a baby either... i've found things hard with ds

Do you have a doctor you can talk to?Things may seem a bit clearer when youve discussed it with somebody else,especially some body who knows what health problems another pregnancy may cause.

im still in total shock, i cant decide what to do... i know this is my last chance of a child really and i think another child would be wonderful for ds but i can see no other positives, i just see my life turning upside down.

i saw the dr, it just confused me more, i left thinking i'm keeping the baby but tonight i'm so scared of the situation i feel really disconnected now and no iea what i want but i'm guessing thats the shock.

how/when do i tell the dad? hes an arsehole but i think he will become involved he already as a child, we do actually get on but theres things about him i dislike alot

if he's your ex, tell him when you know exactly what you want to do and you think you'll be confident in sticking to it.

Do get some counselling asap as well.

i was you a couple of years ago, and it's a hard decision to make, but once you've made it you can take one day at a time, small steps towards where you want to be.

how do you get counselling? who do i ring? i've told my best friend because she is supportive either way... the dr was referring to the pregnancy as baby, prescribed me folic acid ect.... i told her i know if i sat in a clinic waiting for a termination i'd not go through with it, i couldnt imagine it, i know im strong enough, i've been through worse in my life just feels like a massive massive step back

you can ask your GP or Midwife (if you've been assigned one yet). you can experience stress/anxiety and depression ante-natally and you cna alos get support for it.

you may not feel you do have those feelings, but it may be worth exploring what support is out there by asking your GP/Midwife to signpost you to some services.

what makes this feel like a step back for you?

i've just started getting mine and my sons life together, we've had a very rocky time, dealt with more than most tbh but had positives recently like ds is improving medically and sen wise and is becoming easier in many ways, we are happy, depression is under control, i was applying for uni for january :( just feels now like im gonna repeat the last 4 years again, single mum on my own strugling again.

i think midwife will see me in 2 weeks but i can get her number earlier should i give her a ring?

yes, give your MW an early call, especially if you've had depression in the past. it doesn't have to be like that again.

just think, you've been through some bad times and learned an awful lot along the way no doubt, so you will recognise when you're struggling better and hopefully find ways to get through it better as well.

It's great that you have told your best friend. Its hard to think about things and decide things when you are in shock so it's not surprising it's all going round and round in your head. I wouldn't tell your ex until you are totally ready too. Talk to your midwife and your friend first.

thanks for all the helpful advise, tbh i told my friend and i felt it made the situation real, i told the dr and it made it seem more so, i just need it to sink in.... i'll ring them tomorrow see if i'm down to be seen yet. i'm thinking i might tell my auntie when i see her she took me under her wing when my mum died, shes not like my mum but nearest thing.

tbh i wish i ddnt have the complication of the ex hanging over me, i've sat on fb watching him and his brother rip chunks out of each other on it, been trying to talk to him in general just to get on friendly terms again but hes ignoring me again

The thing is, if you have this baby, your ex isn't a 'complication', he's the father of this child and will be in everyone's life for the next 18 years at least.
It makes me sad that you think this is your last chance for a baby. Why do you think that? I'm not sure the benefits of a sibling for your ds actually outweigh the difficulties of having another baby when you're by yourself tbh.

Try to not look at his FB for a while. Click the 'hide' thing in the newsfeed.

i didnt mean hes a complication i meant the situation with him...i just dont know how to tell him, when to tell him, i know if i tell him my options are cut to keeping it because he doesnt agree with abortions.

i might die young and the thought of having a child and dying before they've left school just i couldnt do it. can't say more than that or it could give my identity away.

i've done alot of thinking through the night.... im swaying on the side of kepig it, if i was still with ex and everything was happy there i wouldn't even be thinking about this

telling my ex tonight how do i go about it??only option i have is facebook at the minute to message him, im not going to tell him over that but should i just ask him to come down to mine? sorry if i sound stupid i just dont know

Have come to this thread late, have you messaged ex yet if you don't mind me asking?

i have spoke to him on the phone and he was really really good about it all, feel loads happier now... not as scared as i was xx

Well done salad, glad it went ok and you're feeling a bit more positive now that hurdles' been crossed..

FWIW i didn't think you were taking a step back, just slightly sidewards for now, but you can always do uni a bit later. I've been a single mum since both my pregnancies (different dads) and it does get easier.

Look after yourself, you sound very on the ball and we're always here if you wobble at all x

just thought i'd add a little further.... he came round and we've had some long discusions... hes gonna come round once a week and hes gonna book days off when its the scans and stuff and midwife stuff but i said i'd try and get them on his days off.

just feel loads better, just worrying abit now about telling my dad and at some point meeting his family and him meeting mine

thankyou for all the support xx

Glad your feeling better now.

That's great saladsandwich. I'm glad you are not so worried now.

well things have gone tits up :( i just dont feel able to manage on my own im struggling through as it is, im going to ring the midwife up monday and ask about terminating... i feel absolutely awful but i just cant go through with a pregnancy with this amount of stress and other stress on top.... i just want my life back to normal, i just cant see me coping on my own.

just dont know how to tell him thats my plans, hes going to hate me, hes going to tell everyone but i cant lie either... wish i'd never told him now